The English language disintegrates from my fucking skull.
He sighs. “Come on, man. Say something.”
“Say something?” The words snag in my throat, causing my voice to crack like a pubescent teenager’s. Jesus. I must be the one who’s bugging from the weed. “You want me to say something?”
He chuckles, the sick fuck, enjoying my reaction. “Yeah. That would be the point of me asking.”
“How’s about ‘have you lost your goddamn mind?’ Does that work?”
His eyes narrow, their light green turning sinister. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what it’s intended to mean. Have you lost your goddamn mind, Brock?” I pull out a cigarette, light it up, and take a drag, my nerves bouncing around as I stare at him. “Because I’m starting to think you have.”
Confusion mars his forehead. “Why do you think I’ve lost my mind?”
“Jesus Christ. Do you love the girl or not?”
“Yeah, I fucking love her,” he growls, gunning the gas. “That’s why I want to do this for her. I liked doing it with Hailey, so I know I’ll like it a fuckload more with Amber. I’ll get off on watching her with you. She’ll get off on being with you. For fuck’s sake, you’ll get off on finally being able to have her. If I don’t have a problem with it, why the hell do you?”
“The problem is Amber’s, not Hailey’s.” Aggravation grips me tight. Hailey couldn’t hold a candle to Amber if she tried, and the fact that he’s comparing the two has my nuts twisted. Since all truths are out, and I’m beyond caring if I piss him off, I’m not about to hold back. “I’m trying to understand why you’d ever want to share a jewel like Amber. If Amber were mine, end of fucking story—the thought would never cross my mind to share her with anyone. You included.”
Brock shakes his head, frustration hardening his jaw. “You’re not getting it.”
“No, I guess I’m not. Enlighten me, bro, because I’m lost.”
Legit, I am. Never in a million years would I think I’d pass up an opportunity to be with Amber. She’s different, untouchable. A woman trapped in a past that killed who she was meant to be, her hardened outer shell hides nothing but pure, undeniable beauty. But, sweet Jesus, when the girl lets you in, you’re done for. Other than beating for her, your heart is rendered useless, everything you knew yourself to be vanishing like the last breaths from a dying body.
With all of this, I’m hemmed the fuck up, anger at Brock for not seeing what he has with Amber controlling every tormented emotion kicking me in the balls.
“I love Amber in ways you’ll never grasp,” Brock says, his shoulders tightening as he merges onto an exit ramp. “You have no goddamn idea what she means to me. How much I need her. What she’s brought to my empty existence after everything that happened with Brandon.”
My stomach drops, distant memories of his brother plaguing my mind. The man lost himself the day that kid went missing. Unable to release himself from the guilt—no matter what he did to cover up the pain—Brock’s been forever changed. His soul disappeared in an instant, never to be found again.
Considering his logic—if any—I stare at him long and hard. Blank, I got nothing. Kid brother gone, pressure from his parents, none of it makes sense or has anything to do with wanting to share Amber.
“Give me more,” I demand. “Help me understand what the fuck’s going on in your head. I get that you liked doing that shit with Hailey—so did I—but the playing field’s different with Amber. There are raw emotions involved. None of that existed with Hailey.”
And it didn’t.
It was nothing but mindless fucking while I was banging Hailey with Brock. Even after he dropped out of the picture, my feelings for Hailey didn’t change. They couldn’t. She’d never grabbed me that way. We’d fuck, then fight, then fuck and fight some more. That’s what we were good at.
Do I feel like an asshole for using her? Sure. The most important people in my world are women. Despite the nut she turned into, Hailey’s someone’s daughter. I’d kill any man who ever tried to pull that shit with the women in my life. Done deal: I’m the man I am because of my mother, grandmother, and Casey.
After my dick of a father bounced, it didn’t take me long to realize there’s beauty in all women. Even the ones who don’t strike an emotional chord with me. Fragile as flowers, yet as hard as a mindfucking jigsaw puzzle, every woman warrants respect from a man. The very foundation of humanity, they deserve to be worshipped, their minds, bodies, and souls a gift from the heavens above.
Still, Hailey was aware of what we were. She went into the arrangement knowing neither I nor Brock had any intention of making her something serious.
But this? This would be a whole new level for all of us.
Brock flicks his eyes to mine, scrubbing a palm over his face. “I don’t think I can get you to truly understand. I’m not sure I even understand it. I just . . . I need to give her everything she wants. You’re part of that equation. You may not realize it, but you are.” He inhales a long breath and lets it out, hesitation slowing his words. “She . . . Christ, she dreams about you.”
I blink once, twice, blood roaring through my eardrums. “What do you mean she . . . dreams about me?”
He takes another breath, his tone dropping a notch. “Man, I’ve heard her say your name—more than once—while she’s sleeping.”