‘That would be best,’ I agreed. ‘Nate knows this real-estate agent, so we’re meeting her in the morning to check out a couple of places.’
‘Great. Tell me what you find. Evan’s going with you, right?’
‘That’s the plan,’ I said.
‘Would it be okay if he stayed in the house with you until I get back? It would make me feel better if you weren’t by yourself.’
I smiled affectionately at her protectiveness. ‘I’m okay with that, but you’ll have to ask him if he is.’ Evan’s eyes moved from the conversation he was participating in with the guys to me. I knew he was listening.
‘Let me talk to him. I’ll see you on Thursday. And charge your stupid phone!’
‘Okay.’ I laughed lightly, handing the phone back to Evan.
Emma continued to watch me when I put the phone up to my ear. ‘Yeah?’
‘Could you make sure she’s not alone again until I get back?’ Sara requested. I raised my eyes to meet Emma’s.
‘I can do that,’ I responded, noting the slight colour change on her sunburnt face.
‘Evan, I have no idea what happened, but I don’t think it was good,’ Sara continued.
‘I agree,’ I replied, still holding Emma’s gaze. ‘Don’t worry though. We’ll find a good place tomorrow, and I won’t go anywhere until you kick me out.’
‘Separate bedrooms!’ Sara warned, making me laugh.
‘See you Thursday, Sara,’ I said before hanging up. I tucked the phone back in my pocket. Emma was still watching me. ‘Ready?’
Her expression changed to that of dread.
‘Here, Emma, you can squeeze my hand,’ Brent volunteered, holding out his hand for her to take.
She wrapped her thin hand around his large rough one, and he grinned.
‘Or you could just punch him if it hurts too bad,’ I grumbled, making Brent shoot me a scowling glance. Emma released a small laugh.
I proceeded to remove the coarse sand embedded in her feet.
‘Aahh,’ Brent complained, when Emma clenched her teeth and squeezed his hand. I chuckled.
‘Emma, you’re staying here tonight, right?’ TJ asked, chomping on the ice chips that were supposed to be for her.
Emma looked to me, ‘If that’s okay …’
Before I could answer, Brent blurted, ‘Yeah it is.’
‘Let’s sleep on the beach,’ Ren chimed in. ‘We’ll build a fire, and I’ll get my guitar.’
Before I could open my mouth to object, concerned about how she would get down there safely and then keep her feet clean, Emma replied with a glowing smile, ‘I’ve never slept on the beach before.’
I stopped. I wasn’t about to wipe that smile from her face. And besides … I couldn’t give up the opportunity to be a part of a new Emma experience.
28
Finding a Reason
‘IF YOU DROP HER, I’LL KILL YOU,’ EVAN threatened as Brent carried me down the steps on his back. I laughed at his warning. The way the two interacted when it came to me was pretty entertaining.
Brent was harmless, and Evan knew it. But he continued to be annoyed by Brent’s playful flirting – I found it funny.
My feet were wrapped in a mile of gauze and protected by a pair of Brent’s knee-high tube socks. I looked ridiculous, but I didn’t care. This had been the most emotionally exhausting and physically demanding day of my life. My stomach hollowed at the thought of how close I’d come to not existing.
I’d confronted my demons, and I walked – well, ran – away from a life that I preferred to never look back upon. I feared they’d eventually catch up with me. But right now, I was still here.
‘Emma, you okay?’ Evan asked, snapping my attention back. His stormy blue eyes searched mine briefly as he walked alongside us on the sand.
‘Uh, yeah,’ I said, trying to keep my voice even. ‘Just tired.’
Brent kept his hands secured under my knees as he carried me down the beach to where the guys had selected a spot along the hillside that blocked the wind. Evan dropped the bundle of logs and two sleeping bags on the sand. Nate set the cooler down to help Ren and TJ unroll sleeping bags, and place them around the fire pit that Evan began digging.
Brent knelt down and gently dumped me off on the black sleeping bag. I scooted my legs inside, my body chilled easily from the sunburn I’d earned during my tour of the California coastline that afternoon.
Ren tuned his guitar while Evan lit the fire. TJ handed out beers, offering me a bottle of lemonade, which I happily accepted. I’d had enough water for one day.
TJ waved a flask at me across the fire. ‘I could spike that lemonade for you, Emma, if you want.’
I laughed at the offer. ‘Thanks, TJ – I’m all set though. I swore off vodka.’
‘I did that with Beam,’ TJ said with a shiver. ‘Wow, that was a bad night.’
Brent laughed in remembrance, settling on his sleeping bag at my feet. ‘You woke up face down on the beach, nak*d.’
‘Yeah,’ TJ recalled, ‘I have no idea how that happened.’
‘I do,’ Ren interceded. ‘We were talking about that guy who liked to surf nak*d, and you decided that you were going to do it. But that didn’t work out so well for you.’
‘Did I crash and burn?’ TJ enquired, oddly ignorant of his own story.
‘You didn’t even make it into the water!’ Ren guffawed. ‘You fell on your face taking off your shorts and passed out right there.’
TJ burst out into cackling laughter, and I couldn’t help but laugh along with him. ‘I can’t believe I did that. That’s awesome!’
I looked over towards Evan, who was smiling and shaking his head. He noticed I was watching him and didn’t move his eyes away. The smile held upon his face. The one that made the blood rush through my body at a whirlwind pace.
I averted my eyes, focusing back on the fire. I brushed at my cheeks with the back of my hand, feeling as if the embers had ignited them.
‘That nak*d surfer dude was weird,’ Ren reflected.
‘That he was,’ Nate agreed.
‘Emma, do you surf?’ TJ asked.
I was about to say that we needed to teach her, when she answered, ‘Yeah. I know I’m not nearly as good as you guys, but I do. I still need my own board, though.’
I stared at her in shock. ‘You surf?’
She smiled bashfully and shrugged.
‘I think you just made Evan the happiest guy on the planet,’ Ren said, making her smile grow brighter.
‘We’ve never had one of our girls surf before,’ Brent explained. His choice of words drew my attention. He noticed and floundered, ‘Hey, you know what I mean.’
‘That’s because the girls you’re always interested in are too top-heavy and head-empty,’ Nate shot at him.
I laughed. ‘When was the last time you even went on a date? Rubbing suntan lotion on someone doesn’t count.’
‘I … date,’ Brent defended weakly.
‘Dude, no you don’t.’ TJ laughed. ‘You think you’re all slick, but you never close the deal. Let’s put it this way, who did you hook up with after the pool party last weekend?’
I glanced at Emma, who was observing the exchange with an adorable smile, her eyes dancing between whoever was speaking. She seemed much better than she was earlier today, and I would give anything to keep that smile on her face.
I lay down on the pillow and pulled the sleeping bag under my chin, continuing to listen to the stories shared among the guys. They usually ended with someone defending his actions. I could see why Evan kept them in his life. It reminded me of the girls.
The talking tapered off, and Ren played the guitar and sang a relaxing reggae-style song. It was the perfect choice with the sound of the surf in the background.
‘Evan, you should’ve brought your camera,’ TJ noted. ‘Dude, I haven’t seen you with it since you went off to the Ivy League. You used to never be without it.’
‘I, uh …’ Evan faltered. I turned my head on my pillow to look up at him. ‘I’m not sure where it is. I haven’t really had a reason to take pictures lately.’
I felt my heart twinge.
‘Maybe you should find a reason again,’ I murmured, staring at the fire.
I knew no one else heard her except for me, and I was pretty sure she hadn’t meant for me to overhear. A small smile crept onto my face as she snuggled into the sleeping bag, staring at the fire, making me recall the first picture I’d ever taken of her. Perhaps I had found a reason.
I watched her fall asleep as Ren sang and TJ joined in. Across the fire, Nate raised his brows, appearing to have read my thoughts.
‘Be careful,’ he said quietly. ‘Okay?’
Nate was looking out for me. I knew that. He was the only one who truly knew how bad it got after Emma left. I believed him when he said he’d risk our friendship to make sure it never happened again. But I was hoping it wouldn’t come to that.
The fire died down, the embers glowing in the sand. Everyone started drifting off. I angled my bag so I could watch Emma sleep until I succumbed to it myself.
I shot up in a panic, then stopped and looked around in confusion, not remembering where I was. The guys slept soundly, or in Ren’s case not so soundly – dispersed across the sand in their sleeping bags, tucked in deep to hide from the chilled air. It took a moment, but I shook off the panic of the dream that awakened me most mornings. Then I noticed Emma was gone. The panic took hold again, and I jumped out of my bag to scan the beach.
My shoulders eased up when I spotted her seated closer to the water, wrapped in a sleeping bag. ‘I have to stop freaking out,’ I mumbled.
I walked towards her, wading through the low-lying clouds until I stood beside her, looking out at the same view of the morning sea.
‘I’m still not convinced you don’t like mornings,’ I said, making her jump. ‘Sorry.’ I smiled at the familiarity of her response. I always seemed to catch her unaware, lost in her thoughts.
‘You love sneaking up on me,’ she accused, ‘as is evident by that stupid grin on your face.’
I grinned wider, sat down on the sand next to her and crossed my forearms over my knees.
The cool air whipped around me, and I shivered. She noticed and held out an arm, offering a portion of the sleeping bag. ‘Thanks,’ I said, wrapping the edge around my shoulder, trying not to think about the heat emanating from her body.
We sat and watched the ocean for a moment, but I couldn’t keep myself from asking one of the million unanswered questions that I had when it came to her. ‘What happened yesterday?’
I could sense him thinking while he was sitting next to me. I was prepared for some sort of question to come out of his mouth, but was hoping that wouldn’t be the first one.
‘I needed to clear my head,’ I explained evasively.
‘What were you running away from, Emma?’ he asked, seeing right through my answer.
‘Me,’ I answered honestly, avoiding his gaze. He waited for me to continue. I took a deep breath and said, ‘I don’t want the past to define me any more. I don’t want what happened to me, or all the wrong decisions I’ve made, to keep me from becoming someone better. I want to be better.’