Home > The Moment of Letting Go(12)

The Moment of Letting Go(12)
Author: J.A. Redmerski

“Oh.” Seth nods. “That makes sense, then. I was startin’ to wonder about you, bro.” He laughs. “But you’d probably be better off hookin’ up with the stuck-up one anyway, considering your predicament.”

I take a water bottle from the fridge and move past Seth through the kitchen. He follows as I make my way outside onto the lanai. I sit down at the little round table and set my water on top of it.

“I don’t have a predicament.”

“The hell you don’t.” He laughs again and sits down in the empty chair. “I’d say denying yourself the simple pleasures in life because of your conscience is a predicament. Have some fun once in a while. That’s the one way we’re different, Luke—you care. I don’t.”

Now it’s my turn to laugh. “There are a lot of ways we’re different, Seth,” I correct him, sporting a grin. “Don’t make me crack the list open again.”

Stretching my legs out before me, I slouch my back against the wicker, my arms resting along the length of the chair arms with my hands dangling over the ends.

Seth shakes his head, a big close-lipped smile stretching his features. I don’t elaborate. He knows as well as I do that we are as different as night and day when it comes to women. And life in general. But I used to be just like him. I don’t regret it, but I don’t miss it, either. Most of it, anyway.

“So what are you gonna do?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I say. “I shouldn’t have even talked to her at all, to be honest. It opened a door I probably shouldn’t have opened.”

Seth looks at me from the side. “Then why did you?”

“I don’t know,” I say, thinking on it. “Maybe I was just looking for something to be wrong with her—makes it easier.”

“Yeah, that’s healthy,” he quips. “And did you find anything? I bet you didn’t—there wasn’t anything wrong with her from where I was standing.”

Absently I shake my head no, chewing on the inside of my mouth, thinking about my brief one-on-one with Sienna. “Not a thing,” I answer. “Which is what worries me.”

“You are messed up, Luke.” Seth scratches his head where his scar has been healing. He had an accident on our last trip to El Capitan, which was a close call. Got staples in his head from the top of his right ear and stretching around the back of his scalp. Now he just keeps his head shaved because he says he likes the look.

“Hey, I agree with you to some extent,” he says, “but if you can’t get close to a girl you like, then at least allow yourself a piece of ass every now and then.” He puts up his hands briefly, palms forward. “Not tryin’ to be in your business, bro, but if I was in your shoes, I’d have carpal tunnel in my right hand by now.”

I laugh lightly and put the water bottle to my lips again.

He slumps forward and then props his elbows on his thighs. “Maybe you should check out this girl from the resort,” he says.

“Who knows. You might be disgusted by her and then everything’ll be all right.” He chuckles.

I shake my head, smiling.

“Well, if you change your mind, let me know.” Seth stands up and raises both arms high above his head, stretching. “I’ll find someplace to go if you want the house to yourself for a while. Anything to get my best friend laid.”

“You’d even move out?” I jest, just before swigging down the last of my water.

Seth’s eyebrows draw together. “I don’t love yah that much,” he says and laughs his way back into the house.

Then he pops his head around the corner. “I almost forgot,” he says. “Kendra will be over early in the morning—thought I’d warn you.”

I raise my index and middle fingers from the chair arm in response. “I’ll be sure to lock my bedroom door tonight.”

The screen door cracks lightly against the wood frame as it bounces closed behind him.

Kendra. Love her to death, but the most obnoxious alarm clock I’ve ever had the displeasure of being awoken by.

Gazing back out at the ocean, I let the scene with Sienna from earlier today play though my mind again. I see that long, flowing skirt clinging to her petite form and her soft hair draping her shoulders. Her cute feet covered by those not-so-sand-friendly heels. Her dimpled smile and the mascara smudged all over her face that I didn’t have the heart to point out to her—it didn’t make any difference to me anyway. She’s a beautiful girl, and sweet enough and with just the right amount of confidence, from what little I know about her, that she could have spinach in her teeth and I’d still find her beautiful.

But maybe Seth’s right. Maybe Seth’s lifestyle with women isn’t so bad after all. I try to tell myself that from time to time, in times just like this when I’m trying everything in my power to convince myself that I need to back off. I always think about why Seth is the way he is and I can’t help but agree with his philosophy. He shut himself off completely from relationships when his fiancée dumped him. He loved that girl, and she loved him, but all of us—me, Seth, Braedon, Kendra, and Landon—knew it would happen. Because it always does with guys like us: Most girls who don’t share our lifestyle of extreme sports can’t handle it and usually take off in the other direction, the safe, “normal” direction, the second they find out what we do.

I tilt my head back and shut my eyes, inhaling a deep breath. What if Sienna goes looking for me tomorrow on the beach? Damn, I wish I hadn’t talked to her because now I’ll feel like shit if she does look for me and I’m not there. I don’t want to come off as a dick by standing her up.

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