“Are you feeling okay?” I asked, touching my hand to his forehead.
“Sure.” His smile was tight.
“Wes,” I warned. “Seriously?”
He sighed. “Fine, I don’t feel one hundred percent, but the good news is we’re spending the rest of the afternoon watching movies and eating, and I have nak*dness to look forward to later, so there is that to live for.”
“So you’re basically only living for two things? Food and sex?”
“Sounds about right, though I’m only living for food… living for sex just seems so—”
“Like Gabe?” I offered.
“Touché.” Wes grinned and looked at the floor, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. “I’m not that guy anymore, Kiersten, you need to know that. Damn.” He licked his lips and gave me that sexy grin I was beginning to breathe for. “I wish I still was. Then maybe I wouldn’t be walking around the house in a constant state of arousal.”
I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment. With a desperate sigh he lifted my chin with his hand and kissed my lips briefly. “I like you a lot, you know that, right?”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, because really all I wanted to know was why he wasn’t that guy anymore. Furthermore, was there something wrong with me that made me defective? Why wouldn’t he want that with me? I mean, I wasn’t even sure I was ready, I just wanted to know I was desirable in that way, to him.
“Don’t give me that look.” Wes sighed. “My self control isn’t all that saintly right now. In fact, I may have to lock you in your room tonight and throw away the key. It’s not for lack of wanting you.” He grabbed my hands and kissed the insides of my wrists. “It’s because I want you too much — I care way too damn much — so just accept the fact that it would be a bad sign if I threw you against the wall or the ground or the table. Hell, I’ve had that fantasy for days now. You by the turkey.” He winked and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I want you, but it has to be right. And right now? It’s too new. Get it?”
“Sure.” I lied, because I still hadn’t gotten over the shock of me and him on a table next to the turkey. Was he insane? Shaking my head, I laughed and followed him into the media room.
“Parade.” He threw a pillow at my face.
“Bring on Tom the Turkey.” I held up my hand for a high five, but instead of reciprocating, he pulled me in for a scorching kiss.
“Kissing…” He sighed. “Better than a high five any day.”
“And for once… Lamb agrees,” I teased.
“Wolf is very pleased with Lamb’s understanding of his wisdom. Now sit before Wolf pounces.”
“Sitting.”
“So demure. I think I like being bossy.”
“Keep being bossy and we’ll see how much you like being slapped by the demure little lamb.”
“And pressing play,” Wes muttered.
Chapter Thirty-Five
He had to go and ruin it — he had to mention Tye — he just couldn’t let well enough alone… Just once I want a normal holiday where we aren’t reminded of death knocking on every damn door in our house.
Weston
“I said I don’t want to talk about it,” I growled, trying to push past my dad. Why was he bringing this up now? Dinner had been incredible; Melda was so excited we didn’t fight at the table that she actually cried while clearing away the dishes.
It was the first Thanksgiving we had where we actually finished eating without going at each others’ throats. After all, Tye had committed suicide Thanksgiving weekend.
One year ago tomorrow to be exact.
He’d said he had stuff to get done back on campus and drove the few miles it took to get there.
The next day we were supposed to go shopping with Melda. She was a Black Friday fanatic.
Tye was found in his room. A bottle of pills in his hand. The autopsy report came back with an insane amount of Xanax and alcohol in his system. He’d just stopped breathing. His diaphragm unable to lift his lungs enough for him to catch a breath.
When the ambulance came, they had hoped they could save him.
He died that night at the hospital.
I hated hospitals.
“Look at me when I talk to you.” My dad slammed his fist against the desk, tears welled in his eyes. “I can’t lose you too!”
“I want to stay.”
“Damn it, Wes!” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “One more game could kill you. You do realize that, don’t you?”
“I gave her my word.”
“She’s a girl!” Dad all but shouted. “She’ll get over it! How do you know she even likes you? Or likes anything about you other than your good looks and money? Of course she likes you now. You’ve given her everything girls dream of, but what about when she finds out about your sickness? What about when she discovers you aren’t on the football team anymore? What do you think will happen then? Will she stick around and hold your hand? Or go find one of your teammates to screw?”
Never in my life had I wanted to punch my father so hard.
“Don’t say that about her,” I fired back. “You don’t know her like I do.”
“Young love.” My dad shook his head. “Don’t you get it, Wes? It’s not about her. I worry about you. I worry she’s going to break your heart. I worry, I worry, I worry. I can’t lose both sons.” His voice broke. “I’ve lost everything. It would kill me to lose you too. Your focus — it needs to be on getting better, not losing yourself in her. Have you even taken your meds today?”
My last pill burned a hole the size of Texas in my pocket. I nodded jerkily and then shrugged. “I have my last pill for the weekend, and then I start the final set Monday.”
Dad sighed. “Just, don’t let her get in the way of your progress, son. You need to live, I can’t—” His voice broke again.
“You have to come to grips with something, Dad,” I said in a thick voice. “I may not live.”
“No, don’t say that. I refuse to believe it. The doctors said—”
“The doctors said there was a chance I’d be fine. The doctors also haven’t worked with this aggressive of a tumor before. It may be too late already. Okay? Just… don’t put all this pressure on me to live — when my reality may be the exact opposite. Don’t get me wrong. I’ll fight hard as hell to stay here as long as I can, but don’t burden me with guilt — if fighting still isn’t enough.”
The room was blanketed in a tense silence. Then I saw my dad do something I hadn’t seen him do since Tye’s death. He fell into a heap on his chair and burst into tears. Shoulders shaking, the sobs coming from his mouth were heart-wrenching. My gut twisted as I made my way over to him and put my hands on his shoulders.
He gripped my hands and continued to sob. “It isn’t fair.”
“Cancer’s rarely fair,” I mumbled. “And we were never promised life would be fair.”
“It should be.”
“Dad.” My voice croaked. “Life isn’t fair, but living? Living is heaven. Living is a gift. Every gift is different — every path is different — for some reason this is ours, and the sooner we accept it, the sooner we can stop crying and start living.”
“When did you get so smart?” He laughed through his tears.
“All that damn therapy you made me go through — and sometimes, Dad, it takes going through hell to reach your heaven.” I looked at the door.
“That bad huh?”
“What?”
“You like her that much?”
“No.” I swallowed. “I love her.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Little by little I was beginning to live for his smiles, his touch, just anything. Heck, if he waved, my heart would still be doing somersaults.
Kiersten
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I grumbled, dropping my bathing suit bottoms to the ground and clenching my eyes shut. Brave. I needed to be brave.
“I’m not stealing your virtue, so don’t worry about that.” Wes chuckled from the pool as he splashed around. “And I’m going to turn away while you slowly ascend the stairs. Though I’m not gonna lie, I have a very vivid imagination, so while you get into the pool I’ll be daydreaming.”
“Not creepy,” I joked.
“Not creepy at all. Beautiful, it’s damn beautiful.”
“Huh?”
“Sorry, started early,” he called. “Now hurry up!”
“Shit.”
“Aw, Lamb said a dirty word,” Wes teased. “Stepping out of your comfort zone makes you such a bad girl.”
“Okay, I’m getting in.”
“Turning.” I heard water splashing as I walked over to the edge and dropped my towel. The moon outlined Wes’s body perfectly. His sculpted back was what every single love song was talking about — his body was what leading men fought for. Beautiful, the water lapped around his waist. I looked lower. Fantastic. Well, the water wouldn’t be leaving a ton of things to the imagination if I was standing directly under the moon. Just to be safe, I walked along the edge of the pool and got in where the moon had cast a shadow. I wasn’t taking any chances that Wes would see me, not that I was ashamed of my body or anything. But yeah, it was a little much, being nak*d in a pool with another person. It could have been Lisa, and I would have still been freaked.
The warm water felt good against my body. I was more nervous than before, everything seemed more alive, more sensitive. I slowly walked to where Wes was standing and hunched down so that the water was on my shoulders. Not only was I conquering my fear of being in the water again for the second time in one day, but I was wearing absolutely nothing.
“How’s the birthday suit feel?” he asked without looking at me.
“Weird.”
“You’ll get used to it.” He shrugged and turned. I held my breath.
“Why aren’t you breathing?”
I exhaled.
“You that scared still?” he asked, concern marring his features.
“Of the water?” I looked around. “A bit. Of you? A lot.”
“Want me to tell you embarrassing stories about myself so that there isn’t an ounce of attraction left between us? I mean, I’ll do it if I have to. I don’t want to but—”
Laughing, I waited.
“Fine. When I was ten I jumped off our roof and tried to fly. I landed in the pool, so it wasn’t that big of a deal and my dad saw the whole thing. My brother dared me to do it. He also dared me to eat a fly.”
“Did you?”
“What?”
“Eat a fly?”
“I ate two. He said the first one wasn’t big enough, so he picked out another.”
“Wow.” I gripped his hand in mine, still feeling a little nervous. “Sounds like you were picked on a bit for being the older brother.”