The best of it all is you’re still here
The sadness in my heart and earth-shaking fear—
Don’t leave.
It’s as if a part of me is missing when you aren’t near,
Yet I hear,
I hear your voice and I can’t keep myself from fading,
Fading into something I don’t recognize.
How can you be both my poison and my savior?
My lover and my rescuer?
Shattered. I’m shattered without you.
I can’t find the pieces, they’re broken and jagged
And no longer have a reason to mend,
But I want to know that you’ll try.
I need to hear you say you’ll fix what’s been worn,
Put together what’s been torn.
I may be shattered and scattered.
I’m freaking bleeding and battered—
Torn, so torn.
But if you’ll still have me. I’m yours.
The worst of it all—
The part I can’t hide, is that I failed.
My demons can no longer hide,
Not in the presence of an angel.
I’m pulling myself out of hell—
With your help — all will finally be well.
Together, but apart, in order to pursue your heart.
I’m going to run, I’m going to fight,
And damn if I won’t spend my life in relentless pursuit
Of the one thing I know to be true — you.
“That’s really pretty.”
“Nat!” I almost tripped over my feet as I put the guitar on the chair and went to her side. “How are you feeling? Do you remember what happened? Do you need water? Do—”
“Whoa.” Nat gave me a small smile. “Way too many questions. I did hit my head, you know.”
I felt my throat constrict at the thought, as if I was reliving it all over again. I tried to look away, but Nat grabbed my face and pulled it toward hers.
“Kiss me.”
“What if I don’t deserve to kiss you?” I whispered against her lips.
“Sometimes love can’t be deserved or measured — it can’t be earned. It just is.” Nat’s lips touched mine for one sweet second before she pulled away, eyes watery with tears. “The baby?”
I kissed her forehead and gently lay down next to her, pulling her tiny body into my arms. “The baby is fine, extremely healthy.”
“Did my dad flip?”
I laughed. “Well, I’m still alive, so there’s that.”
Nat bit down on her bottom lip. Her eyes flickered away from my face, as if uncertain. “You don’t have to stay if—”
“Stop.” I held her chin in my hand. “No more talking. I’m staying. I’m not going anywhere. If you want me to leave, I will. Just say the word and I’ll leave so you don’t have to see me. But know that when you send me away, I won’t actually leave. I’m going to be the creepy guy who stalks you every damn day of your life. I’m going to be the guy you can’t get out of your mind because he’s so damn irritating. I want to watch you every second of every day. I want you to be the first person I see when I open my eyes, and I hope to God you’ll be the last person I see when I close them. I am you, you are me. We’re together, not separate. A team. But I’ll leave if it’s easier. Just know. I’m not truly going to go anywhere. I’m going to fight. I’m going to be relentless of my pursuit of your heart. It will be mine, and not because I deserve it, but because I refuse to give up. I refuse to give you up — I choose us.”
Nat’s jaw clenched. I could tell she was trying to keep it together. Damn, if I wasn’t hanging by a thread right along with her. “Nat…” I caressed her cheek. “You can cry now.”
She did.
She burst into tears. The last time I told her it was okay to cry it was because my ass of a brother had done something irrevocable. Guess it was my turn. Every single one of her tears represented something I had done to her to cause this. Damn if growing wasn’t as painful as hell.
Nat reached her arms around my neck and kissed me softly on the mouth. Painful as hell, but in the end? Worth it. So damn worth it.
Chapter Thirty-six
Demetri
I had to admit to being a bit pissed that we weren’t allowed to see April until the following morning. Nat had stayed overnight for observation. Guess that was one of the perks at having a surgeon dad — super paranoia.
Alyssa stayed at the house and slept in, so it was just me, Jaymeson, and Alec. Because of our crappy contract, the camera crew was impossible to shake. They hated the invasion of privacy almost as much as we did. The good news was that Ruben had apologized to all of us this morning. Ten bucks says he was just apologizing so we would finish the damn show and he could get paid.
We walked through the hospital. Everything seemed eerily silent. I sighed heavily and rubbed my eyes. Coffee. I needed coffee stat. Jaymeson was ahead of me and turned toward his mother’s room.
He came to an abrupt stop, almost making me crash into him. I opened my mouth to speak, but he turned so freaking fast that I thought for a minute it was possible he was the one with super powers in our tight-knit group.
“Dude, what the hell?” I tried to walk past him but he shook his head, then looked at the camera and back at me.
Alec looked just as confused as I felt. Jaymeson’s eyes pleaded with mine, so I went along with it — and stayed deathly silent.
Not an easy feat for me.
But two minutes later I was glad I did.
“One task, April! I give you one task! And you do this? Do you even realize how this could be traced to me?”
“I’m sorry.” She choked on a sob. “When you said the deal was off, I freaked and I needed the money! Without that production company, I’m screwed, okay? Ruben made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”
“Couldn’t refuse?” The man laughed. “How do you think this makes me look? Now everyone knows you have a drug problem! My ex-wife!”
“I do not—”
“—April… just save it. I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore. I’m so tired of your lies. And the worst part? You thought to bring him down with you! An innocent kid? You were going to bring your innocent kid into everything? All because you needed money? I told you I’d give you money. I told you I would fix everything, only if—”
“—Rehab.” She snorted. “Yeah, got that loud and clear.”
“April, I love you. I know you think I’m a jackass, but I care. Jaymeson…” He choked on his words. “He cares about you.”
“Not as much as you care for him. Admit it, you’ve always loved your son more than you loved me.”
A pregnant pause filled the hall.
“April, I’m not doing this here. I will, however, go to the press first thing and explain your situation. Go to rehab or go to hell. Your choice. But I’m not allowing you to hurt anymore people.”
“I’ll tell them you drugged me!” April shouted. “I’ll tell everyone you drugged me and Alec that night!”
“Really?”
“I’ll say something too…” a third voice interrupted. “I’ll tell them you bribed me. I’ll tell them everything.”
“Angelica…” The man sighed.
Okay, I was seriously going to have a stroke. How twisted could everything get? How many lies had been told?
“Angelica,” he repeated. “It isn’t Alec’s fault you weren’t able to make it to the set on time, and it was the final straw for us. The very fact that you’re trying to blackmail me, just pisses me off all the more.”
“If you would just take me back and see—”
The man laughed. “Right, I’ll just hire you again after you and my ex-wife create a story so messed up that innocent people get hurt and I end up the bad guy? Sure, why not. I’ll give you a movie role and a few million, is that what you want? Oh wait, each of you already got a million. I have Ruben to thank for that.”
One of the woman started crying. “He said it would help ratings and get us our money. He said if we went to the press, he would do an exclusive in a few national magazines and—”
“Yeah, I’ve heard enough.” The man cursed. Footsteps neared the door, but I was basically frozen in place along with everyone else.
So when the man turned the corner and found not only us but an entire camera crew, Ruben included, standing with their mouths open, he didn’t know what to do either. So he stared.
We stared.
It was awkward to say the least.
I nudged Jaymeson.
He cursed and shook his head. Great. No words.
I looked to Alec for help, but he looked about five seconds away from beating the shit out of something.
“So…” I chuckled nervously. “I’m Demetri.”
“Ah, David Cartwright.” He smirked. “Am I to understand you’re the one that told me to go to hell?”
“Um.” Shit. “Yeah, sorry about that.”
“He also called you the anti-Christ.” This from Jaymeson. Seriously?
David chuckled. “To be fair, I deserved it.”
“And more.” Jaymeson looked down at his feet.
A throat cleared. “If I could just say one thing. Clearly April’s deranged. I would never pay for a media story for information or—”
David’s fist hit Ruben’s jaw so hard that I could have sworn my body shook a bit.
Alec laughed. “Nice.”
“Am I the only one who hasn’t hit him yet?” I asked as Ruben staggered back to his feet.
“I haven’t had the pleasure,” Jaymeson said as he landed another blow to Ruben’s jaw. “You’re a sick son of a bitch. You know that, right?”
Ruben hit the ground and stayed there. “You have no proof! All you have is the ramblings of a drug-addicted whore.” Blood trickled from the side of his mouth. “Make that two drug-addicted whores.” His eyes fell to the doorway.
I turned to see Angelica standing there. Dude, not the girl to piss off. Ruben should know better.
“I love social media.” She scowled at Ruben and with shaking hands pulled out her cell phone and pressed a few buttons. “I’m assuming your number’s the same, David. I just sent you the video I recorded the day Ruben and I talked about our plan for putting everything on you and Alec. I recorded it just in case he turned out to be an a**hole.”
“High five!” I held out my hand and Angelica slapped it with a small grin.
“Doesn’t mean we’re friends,” she said after she tucked her phone back into her pocket.
I backed up. “Noted.”
With tear-filled eyes she looked to Alec. “I know it’s not much… but I’m sorry. Things got so… messed up, and I didn’t have any projects lined up after the show, and I needed money. I need money. And April promised we could make more off the lies and stories. She said David would pay us to keep our mouths shut, and then when he didn’t, I went to Ruben.”
“Safe to say that was a bad choice,” I muttered under my breath. Jaymeson nudged me.