“I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I have never been more afraid and angry in my life.” He pressed his face in my hair and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to lose you and I just knew this was the end. I wanted to kill all those people standing there and taking your picture while you bled.”
“I don’t want to lose you, either.” Tears sprang to my eyes. “I lose everyone.”
“Is that why you were so stubborn?” He rolled me over gently so he could see my face.
“I didn’t think I would make it if you broke my heart. Not with everything else.” A sob caught in my throat. “I guess a part of me always knew it was a long shot for Dad. And I just didn’t think I could lose him and you.”
“Why would you lose me?”
“You have to be king! You have to make little baby heirs.” I sniffled again—the more I spoke, the more tears threatened. “I know I’m stupid for worrying about that, but I knew I’d end up falling in love with you. How could I not? And then you’d have to get rid of me for someone you could marry. And you can’t marry me… I’m just an American. And I know that’s really getting ahead of myself, but why start something if you know it’s going to end? And, and, and—”
“I’m not getting rid of you.” He framed my face in his hands. “You’re it for me. I knew it the moment I saw you tell off the maître d’ at the restaurant. Do you understand? You’re it. I love you. That sketch was of the moment I fell in love with you.”
“You love me?” My brain was mush and I wasn’t sure if it was from his words or the pain pill.
“Yes, I love you.” His eyes bored into mine.
“I love you.” I traced his cheek with my fingers. “Can you tell me again when I’m not on pain medicine?”
“I’ll tell you every day.”
“Maybe twice a day?” I felt my eyelids growing heavy.
“A hundred times a day.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
HRH Prince Alex and the Duchess of Rousseau Leave for the States
—Lilarian Daily
The next morning came quickly. I felt like I had barely fallen asleep before the sun was streaming through the windows. The palace was bustling with activity and it felt surreal to understand the majority of it was because of my family. There was extra security around the gates and the photographers and journalists had been pushed farther away.
While the doctor checked me out, Alex delegated his tasks to other people. Cathy took the brunt of it, her eyes red and watery whenever she looked at me. Even though I told her it wasn’t her fault, I knew she blamed herself. Becca had offered to resign, which I thought was ludicrous. When I told her to shut up, she laughed weakly and promised I would never be out of her sight again. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Alex refused to leave my side and since walking was out of the question for now, we didn’t leave his room until it was time to go to the airport.
The queen had arranged for their jet to take us back to the states and it was waiting at the airport. Chadwick had gone to Rousseau overnight in the queen’s helicopter to retrieve more of my clothing for the trip. Stanley and Margie had sent food, which amused the queen, but I appreciated it. That’s what you did when someone was having a hard time. You fed them. It was a tradition that crossed all cultures.
I called Patricia on the way to the airport and was relieved that Dad had finally woken up. I spoke to him briefly; he was still too tired for much. Jess and Bert were with him as well and that helped ease some of the frustration in my heart. The doctors weren’t sharing much information with them because they were technically not family, but at least he wasn’t alone. That seemed like such an odd thought to me. Patricia, Jess, and Bert were the closest thing I had to a real family. I did speak with one of the physicians on the way to the airport, but there were no good answers.
The cancer cells had been spreading and nothing they tried had helped. Dad had refused more chemo and had decided not to tell anyone the extent of the trouble. It was very like him to not want anyone else to worry about him, but it made me angry. I felt like he had robbed me of time with him. I confronted Dr. Bielefeld about my father’s health, but his hands had been tied. He had never passed on false information, but under doctor-patient confidentiality, he had only been able to share what Dad told him he could. He apologized for not being able to do more and I believed that he was sincerely sorry.
I slept most of the flight, still miserable from everything that happened the night before. My ankle was sprained, so I had been carted around in a wheelchair and had crutches for short distances. The media had gone bat-shit crazy when we arrived at the airport and I could feel Alex’s anger like a physical force. Last night would forever be etched in our minds. I was angry too, but for the most part I just wanted to leave. The queen was dealing with the press and I trusted her to do what was best. Her first move had been to make sure there would be no assault charges pressed against Alex and me. There was photo evidence of the man I kicked touching me and grabbing my purse, which gave me the right to defend myself.
As for Alex, it seemed the reporter was at fault for blocking rescue personnel from a person in need. I had no idea how that worked, but I was saving that to tease Alex with another day. I’m pretty sure I could squeeze several Knight in Shining Armor jokes out of it.
Photographers were waiting in the States, but I chose to ignore them. In fact, our official statement was that there was no official statement at this time and we thanked everyone for respecting us during a difficult time and for giving us our space. I didn’t speak or even look in their direction; Chadwick did all the talking when needed. After the debacle with the nightclub, the city had provided police escorts for us and a security team was set up at the hospital for my father. They were taking no chances. You’d think we would need protection like this from people pointing guns at us, not cameras.
We arrived at the front entrance in a wave of sirens and flashing lights. Jess, Bert, and a man in a suit were waiting at the doors with a wheelchair. Alex helped me out of the car and into the chair.
“Your Highness. Duchess. I am in charge of the cancer ward. I’m sorry to meet you under such terrible circumstances. If I can be of any help, please don’t hesitate to let me know.” The man shook our hands before making way for my friends.
With tears in her eyes, Jess threw her arms around me and then patted my head like I was a sick puppy. Bert leaned down and hugged me carefully, wincing when he saw the bruise on my left temple.
“I’m fine, guys. It’s just my legs. Mostly. I could walk if Alex would stop complaining about how slow I am.”
“Ha ha.” He pushed the chair through the doors and into the main lobby. A few patients seemed surprised to see us, but no one gave us a hard time. The doctor in charge of the cancer ward acted like an ambassador, leading us to Dad and asking if we needed anything.
“How’s Dad?” I looked at Jess.
“He was awake when we came down.” She sighed. “Sam, he doesn’t look good. I just want you to be ready.”
I nodded my head but didn’t say anything. Part of me was terrified of what I’d see and the other part of me wanted to get it out of the way. Some of the staff watched us as we walked by, but it didn’t bother me. They weren’t going out of their way or trying to take pictures. It was more that we were interrupting their routines. It made me feel like a normal person. Who would have thought a bunch of busy, annoyed nurses would make me feel better?
When we got to the door, I made Jess stop. “I don’t want to go in there in a wheelchair.”
“I’ll help you.” Alex slid an arm around my shoulders to help me stand.
“We haven’t told him much. You guys have been all over the news, but I knew you wouldn’t want him to see that,” Jess explained.
“Thank you.”
“We’ll wait out here.”
Alex opened the door so I could hobble in first. He moved beside me to help support my weight on the bad ankle and we crossed the room to the hospital bed. Patricia was sitting in a chair, knitting. Her face was pale and her eyes red. I would hug her after I saw my dad. He had to come first.
“Dad?” I touched his hand, careful to not move any of the tubes or cords. Jess had been right. He barely looked like my father any more.
He opened his eyes slowly and gave me a weak smile. “Hey, baby girl.”
Alex pulled a stool over for me so I could sit down and then moved back to give us space.
“How are you?” I wrapped his fingers around mine and fought the tears that were blinding me.
“Not too bad.” He squeezed my hand.
“Liar.” I sniffed.
“I’m sorry I’m leaving you.” His voice was so soft I had to lean forward to hear him.
“Then don’t.”
“I knew it was a lost cause. Can’t win this one.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me go when it was this bad?” I shook my head. “I would have been here for you.”
“No.” His voice rose. “You needed to live life. I wasn’t going to let you give up something so wonderful because of me.”
“I could have gone anytime.” I groaned in frustration. “You stubborn old man.”
“Sam, I didn’t want you to watch me die. Can you understand that? I wanted you to remember me—the real me. Not this leftover husk.”
“You’re still you.” Tears ran down my cheeks. “I could have played crossword puzzles with you and stolen the remote for the TV after you fell asleep.”
“Remember the good times, okay?” He reached up with his other hand. I leaned down so he could touch my cheek and tried not to sob. “You’ve lost so much in such a short time. You deserved to be part of something lasting.”
“Our family is lasting.” I leaned into his palm. His fingers were so cold it broke my heart. “I wish I had been here.”
“No. I loved hearing about your adventures and seeing your pictures.” His hand fell and he looked around the room. “Did Alex come with you?”
“I’m here, sir.” Alex moved to stand behind me.
“You take care of my Sam. She’s a feisty thing, but someone needs to love her in spite of it.” He squeezed my fingers and I rolled my eyes.
“I do and I will.” Alex dipped his head in a small bow. “You have my word.”
“Good.” Dad smiled at Alex. “Good.”
His fingers loosened on my hand and I panicked. “Dad?”
“Just tired.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It rattled loudly and I bit my lip. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I didn’t move from that stool until the monitors stopped beeping and the doctors made it official. I hadn’t cried so much in years. The last time was when my mother died in the car accident. When they wheeled him out of the room, Alex pulled me into his arms and rocked me against his chest. I felt small and emotionally raw. I clutched at Alex, needing to know I wasn’t alone.
We buried Dad next to Mom on a bright Thursday morning. Chadwick managed all the arrangements, only asking for input when he needed it. Birds chirped in the trees and it was warm enough to not wear a large coat. There were a lot of people, most of them close friends of my family, people who had served in the military with my dad, and people from school. Cops kept the reporters as far from the funeral home as possible and I barely noticed the cameras. I was relieved to see that many of the people were very respectful of the event. There were so many flowers I’d eventually told the funeral home to start sending them to the hospital. Might as well let the living enjoy them. Rose flew in from Lilaria to attend the ceremony and laid wreaths on both of my parents’ graves and said a few words on behalf of the queen.
I spent a week sorting through my parents’ home. We packed away a lot of stuff to be shipped to Rousseau and got rid of things that weren’t worth keeping. I gave the house to Bert and Jess as an early wedding present. They’d never have to worry about paying rent again. I liked the idea that it wouldn’t just go to some stranger. Jess would brighten the place up and give it new life.
Alex and I had stayed in my childhood room. It amused me to see him walking around such a normal house, washing his hands in the kitchen sink or sitting in my dad’s old chair. I was glad Dad had met him before he passed and I’m not sure I would have realized how important that was to me until it happened.
The last couple of weeks had cemented the relationship between Alex and me. There were no more questions about how we felt about each other. I’d deal with the rest of it when the time came and do my very best.
“We can stay longer,” Alex told me over dinner. “Maybe we could work it out so you can finish your degree here. I could take time away and only go back for the most important functions.”
“Dr. Geller got in touch with his friend in Lilaria. They’re working out a way for me to finish my degree.” I was actually really relieved about that. When Dr. Geller approached me after the funeral with his idea, it had made my heart lighter.
“Still, we could stay.”
“No. I’m ready to go back.” I shook my head.
“You can think about it.” His eyebrows pulled together. “I know you miss your home.”
“My home is where you are.” I reached out and grabbed his hand. “Nothing else matters.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Long Live the Duchess of Rousseau
—Lilarian Post
Today was the day I would officially become the Duchess of Rousseau. In light of my father’s passing, the queen had pushed the ceremony back until the summer. It had worked out for the best. Not only had I been able to work on my schooling some, but my friends were here. Patricia, Jess, and Bert were representing my family and sitting in the front row.