“I’m not pissed off.” I sit down on the edge of the bed and drape my arms on my knees. “I’m confused as hell.”
Ethan picks up a photo of the band from off the table and examines it. “That would make two of us.”
I flex my hands and pop my neck. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”
Setting the photo down, he deliberates it. “You feel like taking a road trip?”
“Is the wedding this weekend?” I sink back against the wall and fiddle with my lip ring. “Do you feel like driving my sorry ass to Chicago and back?”
He shrugs. “I got nothing better to do.”
“Alright then.” I grab my empty bag off the floor and start stuffing it with clothes. “Let’s go on a road trip.”
Ella
Lila and I are getting ready to head out to the wedding. We rented a car for the trip, a midsize one this time, but it still takes forever to hit sixty.
Before we head out though, I make one last visit with my therapist. Anna felt it was important, considering I just had a nervous breakdown only a week ago.
My head is clear now, or at least partially, but it makes no sense to me what happened or why I said those terrible things to Micha. It made sense at the time, but it was like I was in a dream and when I woke up, the consequences punched me in the stomach. I considered calling him and apologizing, but I can’t work up enough courage.
“You’ve been doing better then?” she asks, jotting in a notebook. “There hasn’t been any exhaustion or headaches, sensitivity to light?”
I shake my head. “I’ve been feeling okay and the medication seems to be helping.”
“Good, I’m glad.” She puts her pen back in the black ceramic cup with the other pens. “And remember what I said: act out, yell, scream, cry, whatever you need to do to get it out. Repressing it is where a lot of your problems come from.”
I nod. “I’ll remember that, I promise.”
“If you need anything at all while you’re on your vacation, call me.” She hands me her card with her phone number on it and I put it in my purse. “And I mean that, Ella. Call me, even if it’s just to talk about the chicken you ate.”
I get up from the chair. “Chicken?”
“They always have chicken at weddings.” She smiles, but then she grows serious. “Remember, just breathe and take things one step at a time. Don’t rush life. You need to take it easy for a while and focus on yourself.”
“I will,” I promise her and walk out the door, carrying her words of wisdom with me.
“I have to say that this is seriously the prettiest wedding I’ve been to.” I take in the black and purple candles on the table and the flower petals scattered on the white table clothes that layer each of the eight tables.
The wedding is taking place outside, underneath a white canopy in the backyard of Caroline’s parent’s house, who live in a two-story mansion with columns and a wraparound porch. I dreamed of living in one of these houses when I was a little girl, but then I turned six and painfully realized that it wasn’t possible.
“What’s the plan for tonight?” Lila glances down at the Rolex on her wrist. “I mean the wedding’s tomorrow, but still, I don’t just want to sit around and watch them set everything up. I want to have some fun.”
“I don’t think we’re obligated to do anything.” I twist the cap off my soda and take a swig. “I already got fitted for my bridesmaid’s dress, which is so weird.”
Her face contorts with confusion. “Why’s that weird?”
I screw the cap back on the bottle. “Because Caroline hardly knows me, so I don’t understand why she wants me as one of her bridesmaids.”
“You’re going to be her sister-in-law, Ella.” Lila scoops up a handful of petals and sprinkles them back onto the tablecloth. “And she seems really nice.”
I glance over at Caroline talking to the wedding planner. Her black hair grew out a little since the last time I saw her and she’s wearing a long black dress with a jean jacket over it. Dean’s at work and I’ve barely seen him since we showed up yesterday morning.
“We could go back to the hotel and order room service,” I suggest, returning my attention back to her. “And charge everything to the room so Dean has to pay for it.”
She giggles, winding a strand of her blonde hair around her finger. “As fun as that sounds—since I’m not really a fan of your brother—I think we should go out and have some fun.”
I rotate the bottle of soda between the palms of my hands. “Lila, I can’t drink while I’m on this medication.”
“We don’t have to drink. We can go out and have some sober fun.” Her eyes suddenly light up and she claps her hands animatedly. “Oh, we can go find a really fancy restaurant and charge it to the credit card my dad hasn’t canceled yet.”
A small smile curves at my lips. “I think we’re both feeling a little scandalous tonight.”
She laughs, throwing her head back dramatically. “Or maybe we both have family members who are total douche bags.”
I laugh too and it feels weightless, like breathing in the fresh air. “Alright, let’s do it. But no sushi. I hate that crap.”
We hike across the grass toward the paved driveway where the car is parked. It’s chilly in Chicago compared to Vegas and when we get in the car, I crank up the heat. “You want to look something up on the GPS?”
She scrolls through her phone. “We have to go back to the hotel first.”
I back out of the driveway, maneuvering between the cars blocking the way. “Why? You look fine.”
She looks down at her pink skinny jeans and her floral shirt. “I know I do, but I left the credit card on the nightstand last night when we ordered pizza.”
“Okay then, to the hotel it is.” I drive like a lunatic out onto the main road, skidding the tires in a pile of gravel, and Lila shoots me a dirty look.
I shrug innocently. “I’m hungry.”
She rolls her eyes and plays with her phone during the five-minute drive to the hotel. I park out front underneath the canopy and leave the engine running. “Do you want to just run in?”
She shakes her head and drops the phone into the middle console. “Come in with me, please. That front desk guy is such a creeper. He kept looking down my shirt the entire time we were checking in.”
“Wasn’t he, like, really old?”
“He had to be at least in his forties.”
“Ew,” we both say and cringe.
I roll the car forward into a spot, shut it off, and get out, meeting her around the back of the car. When we reach the sliding-glass doors, Lila catches my arm and stops me before I step foot over the threshold.
“Okay, so whatever happens, I just want you to know that I did this for your own good,” she says and frees my arm.
My eyebrows furrow. “Lila, what did you do…”
She struts into the lobby toward two guys standing near the seating area across from the front desk. It takes my mind a second to process that it’s Ethan and Micha.
“Damn it, Lila.” I’m not ready for this. What I said to Micha… it’s unforgivable, even if it wasn’t true. I’ll never be able to forget the look on his face, like he was child who just learned that his dog died.
Like always, his aqua eyes immediately magnetize to mine and I force my legs to move toward them. He has on a really nice pair of jeans and a red plaid shirt. Leather bands cover his wrists and his blond hair is tousled. It makes my hands ache to touch him, draw him, be with him forever.
When I reach them, Lila gives me a guilty smile and shrugs. I’m sorry, she mouths.
I slant my chin up to look Micha in the eyes. “Hi,” I manage to say stupidly.
Amusement gleams in his eyes. “Hi.”
We stare at each other and a wave of intense emotions rolls over me. I love him more than anything.
God, why does my head have to be broken?
Ethan clears his throat and offers his hand to Lila. “Maybe we should go check out the pool? It looked pretty big.”
“Why, that’s a wonderful idea,” she says like she rehearsed it. She takes his hand and they walk to the elevator area in the corner of the lobby.
My eyes remain on them until they are out of view, then with difficulty, I redirect my attention to Micha and my heart leaps into my throat. “So…”
He laughs at me, surprisingly happy. “Are we going to keep the conversation to one-word sentences?”
My shoulders unstiffen and my lips loosen to a tiny smile. “I’m sorry… about everything.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.” His intense gaze penetrates me as he sucks his lip ring between his teeth. “Stuff happens, right?”
He’s different—happier. What has he been up to for the last couple weeks?
Edging around him, I drop down into a chair in the seating area near the computer station.
I start with a simple question. “How are things going with the band?”
He sits down in the chair across from mine, so we’re facing each other, our knees barely inches away. “They’re doing well I guess, but don’t know… I think I might try to do some stuff on my own.”
“But I thought you were happy with being on the road,” I say. “And I thought you liked your band.”
“Not really.” He inclines forward and relaxes his arms on his knees. “Honestly, I’m not sure if I was ever happy with the situation. Dylan’s freaking annoying and Chase barely talks. And Naomi, well she’s getting on my nerves.”
My thoughts drift to his lip ring and my mouth salivates to taste it. “Then why were you on the road with them for so long?”
His gaze flicks to my lips and hunger flashes in his aqua eyes. “Because I love to play and they were my ticket in, but I hate being on the road all the time.”
I tuck my hands underneath my legs to keep from reaching over and running my fingers along his lips. “Where will you go? Back to Star Grove?”
He shakes his head. “No way. I have a couple ideas, but I have to run it past a few people first.”
The way he says “people” makes me wonder if they’re important to him. My mind races with the idea that he’s met someone else. It’s been only a couple weeks since I crushed his heart, but Micha is amazing and most girls see that.
“You’ll have to let me know where you end up.” I gently bump my knee into his and fake a smile. “I just might come visit you.”
He lets out a quiet laugh, but his gaze is relentless. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”
He seems so happy and I don’t want to ruin it for him.
“No, not really, other than I’m starving.” I get to my feet, tugging down the bottom of my shirt. “Lila said she was buying dinner.”
He offers me his elbow. “Then to dinner it is.”
I loop my arm through his and we head toward the door, side by side, just like we used to do when we were friends.