Vince Gill’s “I Still Believe in You” began playing, and I instantly started crying. Oh, Brad…oh my god, I love you so much. I slowly opened the letter and tried to read it through my tears.
My dearest Amanda,
No matter how many times I say I’m sorry, I know it will never change the fact that I hurt you. I can never take back the moment I started to use coc**ne. When I’m lying in bed at night, I think about how I hurt you and how I left you for days to wonder why I acted the way I did, and all I want to do is just scream.
Bryan once asked me, “If you could go back in time and change one day, would you pick the day you started to use drugs?” I didn’t even think twice about it. I knew what day I would go back to. It would be the day you told my mother you wanted a small wedding outside by the water, and she laughed and said that was nonsense. I saw the hurt in your eyes. That was the moment I gave her control over our lives. The more I pushed you away, the emptier I felt inside. I thought drugs could help me, but I know now that you are the only thing in this world I need to get through anything.
All I can say is that I love you, Amanda. I’ve loved you ever since the first moment I laid my eyes on you. I will do everything in my power to make it up to you. I promise you…I’ll do whatever you need me to do to make you happy again. I just want you and our baby. I want that life we dreamed of the night I asked you to marry me.
I love you, Amanda. I’ll love you until the day I die.
—Brad
I leaned my head back onto my seat and cried hysterically while I listened to the words of the song he’d picked out. When I felt the baby moving, my eyes snapped open.
I won’t give up on him. I won’t give up on us. He needs me now more than ever, and I need him.
I reached for my keys, turned off my car, and got out. After I made my way back into the rehab center, I saw Bryan talking to someone.
“Excuse me, Bryan?”
He looked at me and smiled.
“Can I please talk to my husband?”
“He’s taking a walk on the property. He’s probably down by the pond. It’s a secluded and serene area, and it’s one of his favorite places to sit.”
“Will you show me?”
Bryan walked me outside and down a path. We talked about how Brad’s treatment was going.
“Amanda, I really think with the proper support system, Brad can make a full recovery.”
I smiled, knowing that all we needed was each other and our friends to help us get through this.
Bryan came to a stop and pointed. When I looked over, Brad was sitting on a bench, staring out at the water.
“Thank you, Bryan,” I said as I began heading toward the love of my life.
We are worth fighting for. We can do this together—him, me, and the baby. I tried so hard not to start running.
I stopped right behind him and fought like hell to hold back the tears. “Brad.”
He turned around, and the moment he saw me, he jumped up.
I couldn’t think of what to say to let him know I wouldn’t abandon him. Then, it hit me.
He just needs to hear six simple words. “I love you and forgive you.” I broke down and started crying.
He shook his head, and I saw the tears falling from his eyes. When he reached out, I slammed myself into him and hugged him. He pulled away and grabbed my face with his hands. Taking my lips with his, he kissed me as if it were our first kiss, and I let out a moan.
As our lips parted, I said, “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I love you, Amanda. I love you so, so much, and I’m so sorry…” He trailed off as he began crying.
I took his hand and placed it on my stomach, and the moment he touched me, the baby gave a big kick.
Brad cried harder as he fell to his knees. He put his face right up to my stomach. “I’m so sorry. Oh god, I’m so sorry.”
I ran my hands through his hair as he calmed himself down and started talking to our baby. My heart was beating so fast, and I couldn’t believe how much she was moving around. She knew it, too…
Your daddy is finally back, baby girl.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I walked into my apartment and looked around. Almost everything was packed up and ready to be moved. I glanced to the counter and saw a picture of Heather and me. I went over, picked it up, and smiled. In the photo, Heather was sitting on my lap, and we were both laughing. It looked like we were out in the country—maybe at Gunner’s or Jeff’s place.
I sucked in a deep breath, tucked the picture under my arm, and sent Heather a text message, letting her know I was at the apartment. I wanted to hurry, so I could get back to her.
When I heard a knock on the door, I let out a small laugh, thinking it was Heather. She must be feeling the same way I am. I hadn’t wanted to leave her this morning.
I started to open the door as I laughed. “You couldn’t stay away either, could…uh…Victoria?”
Victoria was standing in front of me. I eyed her up and down. She looked terrible.
“Is everything okay?” I noticed the black eye she had from Ari knocking the shit out of her.
She was holding a giant bottle of water.
“You thirsty?” I asked.
She glanced down at the water and smiled. “Something like that. Do you mind if I come in? I’ve been waiting for you to get here.” She pushed past me and walked into the apartment.
What the hell does she mean she’s been waiting for me? “Um…listen, Victoria, I don’t think it’s such a great idea for you to be here. I mean, with everything that has happened, it’s probably best if you just leave.”
She spun around. “What’s wrong, Josh? Scared by a little temptation?”
I rolled my eyes as I walked by her. “No. I’m just saying…I don’t think we really have anything left to talk about, do you?”
She opened the water bottle and lifted it to take a drink. As I turned around to set the picture down on the counter, I heard Tori yell.
“Son of a bitch, look at this!”
I spun around and her light blue shirt was drenched in water. “What the f**k happened?”
“I’m such a klutz. I went to get a drink, and it all poured out on me. Shit! I have to meet my mother in thirty minutes for lunch. Can I borrow a T-shirt and put this in the dryer?”
“Yeah, sure, but I’m not really sure where all my shirts are.”
She smiled and tilted her head. “Thanks! I really appreciate it. Damn, I can’t believe that happened. Be right back.”
I started to move some of the boxes. Then, I pulled out my phone and called my dad.
“Hey, Josh! You at your place or still with Heather?”
“Nah, Heather is running some errands in Fredericksburg, and I’m at my apartment.”
“How is she running errands when her car is here?”
What? “Oh shit! Neither of us thought about that this morning. Ah hell, let me call her real quick. I’ll call you back, Dad.”
“Okay, talk to you later.”
Son of a bitch. I left her stranded.
I was just about to call Heather when there was another knock on my door. I walked over and opened it to see Heather standing there.
“Hey!” she said with a smile.
“Hey, I was just about to call you! My dad said your car is at their house. I thought I left you hanging.”
She started to walk in, but she stopped as she looked past me. “Oh my god…no…”
I turned around to see Victoria. She was wearing nothing but my white button-down shirt with half the buttons undone.
“Oh, hey there, Heather.” Victoria was looking at Heather with an evil smile on her face.
When I looked back, Heather had tears in her eyes.
Motherfucker. “No, wait! Heather, wait…before you go jumping to conclusions, this is not what it looks like!”
I spun back around to Victoria. “Tori, what the f**k are you doing?”
When I turned back to Heather, she was gone. Oh Jesus. This is not happening.
I looked back at Victoria. “Put your f**king clothes back on, and get the hell out of my apartment now!”
I took off after Heather. She was just about to get into a car.
“Heather! Please wait!” Wait…whose car is that?
She started the car and locked the doors.
“Heather, please wait! You have to let me talk to you. You have this all wrong! Heather, I was just calling you!”
I was banging on the window as she put the car in reverse and started backing up. As she began driving off, I ran after the car, yelling for her to stop. After she pulled out into traffic, I turned and ran back to my apartment. I am going to kill Victoria.
When I walked into my apartment, Victoria was sitting on a bar stool, still dressed in only my white shirt.
“Get the f**k out! Now!”
I ran into the laundry room and took her shirt out of the dryer. Where the hell are her pants? I went into my bedroom, and when I saw them on the bed, it all became clear to me. She must have heard Heather at the front door. She did this on purpose. Fucking bitch!
I came back into the living room, and she was still sitting at the bar.
I threw her clothes at her. “Leave.”
“Josh, wait! Don’t you remember what it was like? We were so good together, baby. Let me give you something to relax a bit, and then I’ll take care of you like I used to.”
I just looked at her. Just the sight of her turned my stomach. “Get the f**k out of my apartment, or I’ll call the police and have them remove you.”
“Josh, we’re meant to be together. You don’t love Heather. She’s a f**king elementary school teacher. You want someone who’s fun. You want me, Josh. You need me.”
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. An image of another girl standing in front of me, saying the same damn thing, popped into my head. Fuck!
“You need me, Josh. You don’t love Heather. You need me.”
Just then, the night of the accident came back to me. Lynda had shown up at my mother’s Christmas party. She had begged me to come back to her. She’d kept repeating how I needed her and how I couldn’t possibly love Heather. I’d turned and left the party to head out to Mason to ask Heather to marry me.
Heather is the only one I need. She’s the only one I want.
Then, it all came flooding back—every memory, every tear, every laughter, every fight, and every time Heather and I had ever made love.
“I remember everything.”
Victoria stood up, looking confused. “What?”
I walked over, picked up her clothes, and grabbed her by the arm.
“Let go of me, Josh!”
“If you just caused me to lose the only girl I’ve ever loved, I’ll make sure Ari gives you a matching black eye.”
I opened the door and pushed her out before I slammed the door in her face. I locked the door and pulled my cell out of my back pocket. I called Jeff and Ari’s home number.
“Hello?”
“Ari!”
“Hey! What’s up, asswipe?”
“I need your help,” I said.
“What’s wrong? Is Heather okay?”
“I remember you saying that Heather has a special spot that was just her and her dad’s. You said she would go there whenever she was upset. I need to know where that is, Ari.”