What did this to her? She’d seen men die before, but she never reacted like this. Her body never betrayed her like this. Paralyzed with cascading emotions, she couldn’t move. Weakness plagued her limbs, as her face rested against the sharp rubble beneath her cheek. As she heaved, she knew why. She felt it. Part of her was like them, part of her wanted to kill them because she could. In the room, she had stood over Eric’s prone body. The chance was there. She could have killed him. She could have tormented him. Things could have been different. The savage nature of her bloodlust coursed through her body. She’d nearly done it, but at the last second she fled. There was no way to know for certain if Eric was the right man.
Her body trembled, rebelling against the darkness within her. She didn’t want to be like him. She would not be cruel and destroy. Every fiber of her being was repulsed, she couldn’t be like Eric. No. Tears slid down Natalia’s face. She heard nothing except her own body protesting, until she felt Eric’s hands lift her off the ground.
“You’ll be all right,” his voice was soft, as he cradled her in his arms. But she wasn’t. The man she wanted to kill, to tear apart with her bare hands was holding her in his arms like a child, speaking softly in her ear. Oh god, what if I was wrong? What if Eric isn’t the man she’d been searching for at all? The thought shook her. She leaned against his chest, feeling the beat of his heart and closed her eyes, trying to push every thought out of her mind.
Eric looked down at her and cursed. Her frantic heartbeat slowed as she rested her head against him. She should fear him. Terror should course through her veins, but it didn’t. When he held her, he felt her pulse slow. He felt her fear ease. She trusted him and she shouldn’t, but after he acted like this—he finally understood why the girl liked him. She waited for moments like this, moments when Eric acted beyond his own comprehension. Compassion overrode his anger, and doused his rage. The desire to protect her was too strong. As long as he was around, no one would harm her. She knew it. And now, so did he.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Natalia awoke on a massive bed. Sunlight was pouring into the dark room through a window above. Tiny patches of colored light filled the room. As the previous night came back to her, she sat up slowly. The red corset was nowhere to be seen, and she was wearing a black tee shirt that smelled like Eric. The red G-string bottoms were still in place. He must have changed her out of the corset, which she was grateful for. The metal boning dug into her ribs and bruised them while she wore it. Looking around the room she could see that she was inside a group of small buildings that had collapsed on each other. At the center was a stained glass window, probably from a church. That was where the colored light was coming from. The rose window was still standing, held up high above the rest of the mess left from the war.
Natalia didn’t see Eric at first. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust. Or maybe she just didn’t believe what she was seeing. Eric was sitting cross-legged on a stone, watching the dust dancing in the stream of colored light. He looked like a child, frozen, mesmerized by something so common and simple. His hair looked lighter, golden, in the light that crowned his head. His face seemed at peace, and lacked the hostility that was usually pinched between his brow. He stared unblinking, looking almost forlorn, as if he lost something he’d never find.
She cleared her throat, and said softly, “Eric?”
Flinching, he turned his face in her direction. Pushing himself off the stone, he walked toward her. His chest was bare, as were his feet. Dark jeans hugged his narrow hips. The way the sunlight sparkled on his hair, made her heart race. He was beautiful. Eric could feel the change in her pulse, but didn’t realize what she was reacting to.
“How are you feeling?” He stopped in front of her, looking down at her sitting up in his bed.
Her blue eyes were weary, “As good as can be expected.” Shame colored her face, and she lowered her gaze. Images from the brothel flooded into her mind. She wasn’t sure why she was blushing, but for some reason, the idea of seeing Eric there made her squirm. That wasn’t something that she intended on sharing. She hated that she had to go there, but she did. It was in her nature. It was something she needed to survive.
Natalia stared at the bed sheets. There was no trace that Eric had laid next to her and rested last night. The spot next to her was smooth. Pressing her fingers to the bed, she shifted her weight. Last night ended so poorly with her foot crashing into his skull, and after all of that he saved her. Again. Her stomach twisted. There was no way he was the man she was looking for. He couldn’t be. Not after that. If he was the vindictive bastard that slaughtered her mother, he wouldn’t have been so kind. It was that kindness that rattled her. True kindness was something that was rare, but Eric had it in him, and when it came out, she was afraid.
“Eric, about last night…” but he cut her off. Gazing up at him, she saw his amber gaze drift away from her face.
“Nothing happened between us last night.” Folding his arms against his chest, he leaned back against a piece of rubble that had once been a mighty stone wall.
“Eric, I can’t forget last night. I want to…” her voice trailed off. No, she had to spit it out, “But, I shouldn’t have done that. I knew Carina would kill me and I—”
He nodded, his eyes piercing hers so hard that she gasped, “She will. If she gets her hands on you, you’re dead. You don’t screw over a person like Carina, and you did. The only reason you’re alive right now… Ah fuck.” He ran his hands through his hair, and turned away from her. He did it again. He saved her. He saved her from Carina. He saved her from the Valefar. What was wrong with him?
“The only reason I’m alive right now is because of you. I know. I get it. I can’t survive on my own. I’m obviously too stupid to be alive.” She sat on the bed, her lips falling lower and lower at the corners. Eric would give anything to know what she was thinking, why she was at Carina’s in the first place, but she didn’t say. And he wouldn’t ask.
He turned back to her, “Either that or you have a death wish.” It felt like he was punched in the stomach when she looked up. Her cold blue eyes struck him, but he didn’t regret his words.
Lowering her lashes, she tried to hide her reasons, “I don’t have a death wish.”
“Then why are you constantly around people who can kill you? A few well-placed kicks won’t save you.” His voice was soft.
“It saved me from you.”
His smile tightened, as did his voice, “I wouldn’t brag about that, if I were you. You caught me off-guard. I didn’t leave you alone to hand you over to Carina. I went to find her to…” he stopped speaking. Running his hands through his hair, he pushed off the wall and turned away. Why’d he tell her that?
“To, what?” she asked.
Eric glanced at her. Natalia’s lips were parted. They were perfectly pink and completely confused. She looked so good sitting there in his shirt. He took a deep breath and decided to tell her. “To buy you. To spare you from her. I had no intention of handing you over to Carina.”
Natalia’s eyes narrowed. She gazed at him like she didn’t know who he was. “But you said…”
“I know what I said. I know what I told you.” His jaw tensed, like he was trying to keep himself from saying more.
“So, you lied,” she asked, tilting her head. Her long dark hair hung over her shoulders. Her fingers were clutching the bed sheet, her knuckles turning white. “You wanted to make sure the only person who could hurt me was you.”
“Fine,” he walked over to her and shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from touching her. “I admit it. I don’t want anyone else to hurt you, but I can’t promise I won’t—that I...” He closed his eyes, and when he reopened them, the intense look he gave her made her stomach flutter. “That’s not the way I’m wired.” She stared at him, her eyes impossibly blue.
Eric had a dark side. It was the one he thrust forth for the world to see. He hid this part of him. The soft part, the good part. It was as if he didn’t want anyone to know he could feel. Her chest felt tight. Swallowing hard, she said, “Agreed. So now what?”
She conceded? He expected more of a fight from her, more pleas for him to see what she thought she saw, but Eric knew it was only vapors—mists of what he once was. There was no way to reclaim that man. This is what he was now. Nothing more. Eric looked at her, “I don’t know.” He shook his head and sat down next to her. “Avoid Carina. I’ll check in on you from time to time. And if you ever knock me out again…” he turned to her, his eyes filled with heat, his arms tense like he’d hit her.
She looked away, unable to maintain the intensity of his gaze and nodded, “I panicked. Sorry.”
He shook his head, taking her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at him. “You don’t have the luxury to panic. You don’t get do-overs, Nat. You’re breakable. You’re too small and too fragile. Don’t go to places where you don’t belong. It’ll end your short life faster than you can blink.” Something inside of him wanted to soften for her. He wanted to show her that unprotected, selfless part of him. He wanted her to know him and press his lips to hers. He groaned and released her, his fingers leaving red marks on her arms from gripping her too hard.
Surprising him again, she nodded. There was no tension in her body, like she was at ease with him there, so close to her.
Natalia’s mind was at war. She loved it when he was like this. There was something soothing about it, about him. It was like the rest of her world could just melt away and be gone. It could be just her and Eric, if she’d stop chasing her past, trying to avenge a death that was eons ago. Leaning into him, she rested her head against his chest. Eric’s heart beat steadily, with a calming rhythm that made her feel safe.
For once he didn’t resist her, he didn’t push her away or spew nasty words. Instead he wrapped his arms around her, feeling her warmth, enjoying the sensation of the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes, breathing her in like air. Part of him came alive around her, but it’d been so long that he didn’t realize what it was. He pushed the thought away. Nothing would make him ruin this moment. Nothing he could say would end this, and take her from him.
They remained like that, in complete silence, both of them too afraid to move—afraid of shattering something they both wanted, but neither could admit to. Somewhere along the way, fondness changed and become something else—something more—something too frightening to admit.
Natalia breathed deeply, keeping her face on Eric’s chest. She couldn’t get the picture of him sitting on the stone out of her mind. Her face tilted to the side, looking up at him, “Eric,” she said softly. “Why were you sitting there, looking at the light?” When he didn’t answer she wondered if she should say anything, but she felt like it was a piece of the inner-workings of Eric’s mind and she wanted to know. She continued, “That’s a rose window, isn’t it? From a church? This used to be a church, and you made it your home.” She didn’t understand. Eric thought he was evil, he thought he was beyond repair. She saw it in his eyes. Hell, he told her a million times, but things like this confused her. Why would someone who thought they were damned live in a church and stare at the colored glass with such awe?