In some of the places, we've been able to put on all three of our shows. We arrive, set up the performance boards and curtain frame on whatever dock the town has to offer, and send Jim and Daniel around to announce the times of the show. We run the Sanctified Show, the Very Reverend Jeremiah Clawson, Harvard Divinity Class of '82, presiding, with the Calico Angels (singers Clementine and me, and Chloe at the harpsichord) at noon or thereabouts. Then we do the Medicine Show at three in the afternoon, and the Tavern Show at night, inside the Belle. We charge no admission; we merely pass the collection plate after the church service, sell bottles of Captain Jack's Elixir in the afternoon, and sell drinks and food at night. So far, we prosper.
The Captain Jack's Tonic Hour of High Hilarity, our medicine show, not only has the sales pitch with Reverend Clawson holding up a bottle and pointing to the label while reciting the list of complaints and ailments the elixir would cure, the bottles for sale lined up on a table before him, but the show is also filled with comical songs and skits. In one of them, I play a bit of a tune on the fiddle, and every now and then I stop and Matty and Nathaniel, acting out the parts of a farmer and a lost traveler, have a little exchange of words. It goes like this:
MATTHEW: Say, Farmer, does this road go to Sharpsville?
NATHANIEL: Wal, Stranger, I've lived here all my life and it ain't gone nowhere yet. It just sorta lies there.
Then I come back with the tune again, and then in a bit, I stop.
MATTHEW: Say, Farmer, you ain't very smart, are ye?
NATHANIEL: Mebbe not, Stranger, but I ain't lost, neither.
Once more I play the tune, then again pause.
MATTHEW: Say, Farmer, just how do I get to Sharpsville, then?
NATHANIEL: Sorry, Stranger, you jest cain't get there from here.
Back again with the fiddle, the Hawkes boys join in with their jaw harps and some fancy clogging, and we finish it off with a flourish. Corny, yes, but it works. We get laughs every time.
Then there's the testimonial. While the Reverend's making another pitch, I nip into the cabin, put on a white apron and a child's bonnet, and pop back to give a testimonial: "Oh, good people, onc't I was a very bad little girl—wouldn't mind my elders, took fits, sayin' swears, but ever since my mama started givin' me a teaspoonful a day of Captain Jack's All Season Tonic and Elixir, why, I've been good as any angel!" Here I rub my belly and put on my idiot's grin and say, "And it tastes good, too! Mmm, mmm!"
Sales of the tonic are brisk.
We end the Medicine Show with a playlet I have written, called The Villain Pursues Constant Maiden, or Fair Virtue in Peril.
The Cast of Players
Miss Jacky Faber as Miss Prudence Goodlove, maiden
Master Daniel Prescott as Timothy, her sickly little brother
Rev. Jeremiah Clawson as her father, Col. Goodlove,
away at war
Mr. James Tanner as her betrothed, Captain Noble
Strongheart, away at war
Mr. Yancy Cantrell as the evil Banker Morgan
The Scene: Inside the Goodlove home on Babbling
Brook Farm
We open with Chloe playing some happy, down-home music, and when she lets it trail off, Higgins steps up and intones in his best British accent, "The Scene is in the parlor of the Goodlove home. Miss Prudence Goodlove has just received some disturbing news," and then he steps off. The Hawkes boys open the curtains, revealing Daniel and me. I am dressed in my special white dress, one that I purchased in Cairo and had altered to suit this play. Daniel is neatly dressed, his hair combed and parted down the middle.
TIMOTHY: Sister, Sister, whatever is the matter? What distresses you so? (Daniel rips out a few convincing coughs.)
PRUDENCE: Oh, Brother Timothy! The worst of news! The foreman has just informed me that the locusts have come and eaten our crop! (I put the back of my hand to my forehead to show great distress.) We shall have to mortgage the farm. Oh, that dear Papa were here. Oh, that the cruel war were over!
TIMOTHY: Surely, Sister—(cough! cough!)—surely there is another way!
PRUDENCE: No, dear Brother, there is not. We must pay the help. We must have money for food.
We must do it. (I wipe away tears.) I will send the foreman for Banker Morgan right now.
CURTAIN
The curtain closes as Chloe plays a very sad and mournful adagio and then Higgins again steps forward to gravely announce, "The very next day." Behind him, the curtain opens.
TIMOTHY (cupping ear): Hark! I hear hoofbeats outside. It must be Banker Morgan! Oh, Sister, I hope you do not rue this day! I do not like Banker Morgan!
PRUDENCE: Now, Timothy, we must have hope. There is still time to get in another crop before the fall. We must have faith and trust in God.
(There is the sound of knocking.)
PRUDENCE: Come in. (Yancy Cantrell enters wearing a black hat and cloak, looking evil, shifty-eyed, and sinister. Chloe does a two-handed, anxious-sounding tremolo.) Mr. Morgan, how good of you to come so quickly to our aid. Thank you so much.
MORGAN: You are welcome, my dear. (He pulls a sheaf of papers from his cloak.) I have the papers right here. If you will just sign them, your troubles will be over. Heh, heh.
I lean over the table we have set up, take up a pen, and sign the notes. Yancy, behind my back, runs his eyes up and down my form, leers whilst twirling his mustache, and winks broadly at the audience, which is beginning to work up a few hisses for the villain.
PRUDENCE: There. It is done.
MORGAN: Not quite, my dear. You must first give me the deed to your farm to hold until the note is paid in full.
PRUDENCE (opening a drawer in the table and pulling out a paper): Here. (I hand the paper to Yancy, but instead of taking it, he grabs me by the wrist and pulls me to him, encircling my waist with his arm.)
MORGAN: Come with me, my honey, my sweet, and you'll never worry about money again, I promise you. (He rains kisses on my face and neck.)
PRUDENCE: Please, Sir! Let me go! (I struggle in his grasp.)
MORGAN: Unhand her, you cad! (Daniel rushes at Yancy, his puny fists flailing at the man. Yancy kicks him away. The boy falls to the floor, coughing. The crowd's hissing redoubles.)
MORGAN: Out of the way, brat! This is man's business!
PRUDENCE: I shall never go with you and lead a shameful life! Let me go! (I struggle out of his grasp.) I am promised to Captain Noble Strongheart. Oh, would that he were here now, he would give you such a thrashing! Give me my money and leave my house, Sir! ( I point offstage, my face full of righteous indignation.)
MORGAN: Very well, my reluctant beauty. (He scoops up the fallen deed and flings a bag of coins at my feet.) Just remember, my winsome lass, that the note is due on the first of October. The payment must be in full, or you shall be put out of this place! We shall see what happens then, and in what form payment will be made! (Banker Morgan pulls his cloak over his face so that only his evil eyes show. He exits to loud hisses and boos.)
PRUDENCE: Oh, poor, poor brave Brother! (I kneel down next to the fallen Timothy and lift his head. The audience gasps to see a thin trickle of blood at the corner of his mouth. I turn my tearful face to the audience.) Oh, was pure Virtue and Brotherly Valor ever, ever, more sorely tried!
CURTAIN
Higgins advances to center stage, his steps in time to the gloomy dirge Chloe is playing. "The first day of October," he intones, dolefully, shaking his head sadly as he walks off. The curtain opens, showing Prudence Goodlove seated at the table, crying. Her brother is lying in a bed, covered with a sheet, coughing.
TIMOTHY: Sister, dear Sister, why do you weep so?
PRUDENCE: Oh, Timothy, I am so sorry to have awakened you from slumber! It's just that the crop is not yet ripe and we cannot harvest and today is the day the mortgage is due! I fear that Banker Morgan, that detestable man, will come and demand his money, which I do not have! I fear—
(There is a loud knocking heard.)
PRUDENCE: My worst fears realized! Oh, Lord, save our humble home!
(Enter Banker Morgan to loud boos. He casts a snarling look at the hissing audience and advances on Prudence. She falls back, swooning.)
MORGAN: Miss Goodlove, I will have my money now, or I will have this farm!
PRUDENCE: Please, Sir! Our crop is almost in! Please won't you grant us a few more weeks? Oh, please! Heaven will bless you for it!
MORGAN (laughing evilly): Ha-ha! Never shall that happen! Pay up or I shall put you and your brother off this land right now.
PRUDENCE: But he has the consumption, as you can plainly see! It would kill him to be cast out in the cruel elements! Oh, have you no mercy, Sir?
MORGAN: Mercy? Ha! I have none, but you, my dear... (He crosses the stage and throws his arms about Prudence) ...you have a choice: Surrender up your virtue to me, consent to be my mistress, and I will tear up the mortgage. Refuse, and you will lose the farm and your brother will die!
TIMOTHY: Do not do it, Sister, dear! Do not... (He passes out.)
PRUDENCE: Woe is me! What am I to do? Keep my sacred honor and watch my brother die, or give in to the fiend's foul demands? Oh, what shall I do?
MORGAN: You shall make up your mind, girl, as my patience grows short!
With that, Yancy reaches up, grabs my dress at the neckline, and rips it down, the specially weakened side seams giving away, revealing me standing openmouthed in naught but my chemise and drawers. The gasps from the audiences on that little move can usually be heard three counties over. That, and the scream I deliver.
PRUDENCE (arms crossed on chest): Oh, I am undone!
MORGAN: Not yet you aren't, but you surely shall be soon! Come here, my lovely!
(Loud hissing and shouts of shame! shame! as he chases me around the table two or three times.)
PRUDENCE: Shall no one save me? Must I yield to dishonor?
(Enter, offstage right, Captain Noble Strongheart—Jim Tanner, dressed in my midshipman's jacket, pistol by his side, with drawn-on charcoal mustache to give him some years.)
STRONGHEART (offstage): Prudence, darling! I have returned from the war! How I have longed for this moment! (He strides into view and is visibly shocked by the scene before him.) But what madness is this? Prudence? Banker Morgan?
PRUDENCE: Oh, dear Captain Strongheart, you have come to save the day! Oh, thank the merciful heavens! Banker Morgan has been pressing his unwanted attentions on me most vigorously.
STRONGHEART: You, Sir, are a bounder and a cad. Stand away from her at once!
(Strongheart takes Morgan by the shoulder and throws him down to the floor and goes to put his arm around Prudence. Morgan rises and pulls a small pistol from under his cloak and fires it at Strongheart.)
MORGAN: Curses! Missed! But no matter, I have another! Die, Strongheart! You may have survived the war, but you will not survive this! (He pulls out another pistol.)
STRONGHEART: It is you who will die, villain, for your dastardly assault upon the honor of this frail flower! (He fires before Morgan can get off his shot, and Morgan is struck in the chest.)
MORGAN (staggering with his hand to his chest): You have killed me! I am done for! It's the fires of Hell for me! (Loud cheers from audience as he falls to floor and lies still.)
PRUDENCE: My hero! (Embraces Strongheart.)
(Enter Rev. Clawson as Col. Goodlove, stage left)
COL. GOODLOVE: Daughter, Son, I have returned! (Surveys scene.) But what has happened here?
PRUDENCE: Oh, Father, dear, you could not be more welcome. I had to mortgage the farm and the note was due today and Banker Morgan was forcing himself upon me, but brave Captain Strongheart came and saved me from a fate worse than death!