But never again.
I never wanted him to wonder where his father was or ask why his dad didn't care enough to there for him. Saying good-bye to him after our visits was becoming more and more difficult, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could stand being a visitor in his life. Now that he knew who I was, I didn't want to say good-bye. I shouldn't have to. He was mine to protect, and it was time I started doing that full-time.
I looked up then to see Leah standing in the hall. Her stunned tear-stained eyes were watching over us as she witnessed our emotional introduction. She stayed back, allowing us a moment as father and son. She gave me a loving smile and mouthed the words, I love you.
While holding my son finally, I realized I needed to step up and become the father he needed of me. It made me feel driven, but it also scared the living shit out of me. Clutching him as I gazed into the eyes of the woman I loved, I wondered if my decision would be the one thing that could tear us apart.
Chapter Twenty-Five
~Leah~
"Now, tell me the reason we just watched that movie?" Declan asked as he rose from the couch to carry our empty mugs and soda cans into the kitchen.
He might have made fun of me for eating ice cream out of a coffee mug, but ever since he'd moved in, it was the only way he would eat it. I'd successfully converted him.
"Because it was an action movie. Guys like action movies, right?" I asked innocently.
"You know I like watching all sorts of movies, even romances. I'm not a typical guy when it comes to films. Everything else, yes," he said with a impish grin, "but films, no."
"I don't know. I just wanted something a bit different," I answered sweetly as I joined him in the kitchen, dumping the soda cans into the recycling bin.
"Wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that it starred Chris Hemsworth, would it?" he asked, leaning against the counter, which made his biceps flex against the fabric of his T-shirt.
"No. No, that had nothing to do with it," I answered, suddenly forgetting what we were talking about altogether as I stared at his rippling biceps.
He slowly made his way to me and captured me between his arms against the kitchen counter.
"Good, because if you ever, ever need a man to do something with a hammer, just let me know."
I couldn't help it. I snorted against his shoulder, laughter escaping me. "Oh God, that was awful. Worse than the last pet name you thought up."
"Precious?"
"Yes!"
"I liked that one. It was endearing. What's wrong with precious?" he asked.
"Nothing...if your name is Gollum!" I exclaimed.
Before I could let out another laugh, I was thrown over his shoulder, and we were in a dead run toward the bedroom.
"Declan, put me down!"
"Nope, you have officially hit your pain-in-the-ass quota for the day, and you must be punished!"
"I don't have a quota! And it was your cheeseball line, not mine!"
He threw me down onto the bed and pinned me beneath him, his chest heaving and his eyes bright with laughter and heat.
"You're crazy," I said.
"Maybe, but just about you."
He'd been like this all week —happy and full of boyish energy. He had his son finally, all of him, and I could see the weight being lifted off of Declan's shoulders minute by minute. But there were also times I'd seen him struggle, and I didn't know how to help. I'd see him staring at me from across the room with a pained look, but then he'd quickly look away and distract me with questions about work or the family before I could ask him what was wrong. Whatever he was trying to overcome, I only hoped he would share it soon because a female's mind was a powerful thing. Mine was already running wild with a million different reasons for his hot and cold mood swings and none of them were good. Life had just thrown us a new curve ball with Connor, and I could only hope we were strong enough to stabilize.
Our lovemaking started off playful and teasing. He nipped my shoulder, and I laughed. I pinned him beneath my thighs and gave him a show as I tore off my shirt and twirled it around in the air before letting it fly across the room. With Declan, there were a million different ways to make love, and I never seemed to get enough of any of it. He'd take me fast and hard, long and slow, or with a playful leisure that made me fall for him all over again.
When he entered me, hovering over me, with his fiery eyes locked on mine, I saw his playfulness melt away. He bent down and kissed my lips gently at first as if he were trying to savor the taste forever. Once locked into memory, he consumed me in a fevered kiss that hinged on the side of frantic.
Slipping one arm under me, he lifted me up against his hard chest, making the angle ever so deep, bringing our bodies even closer. I looked into his eyes and saw desperation, like at any moment he was afraid I would slip through his fingers like sand.
"Please," he begged, "don't ever leave me."
"I won't leave you, Declan."
"Promise it," he said roughly as his body continued to master mine.
I felt the familiar flutter deep in my belly, and I knew I wouldn't be able to hold on much longer.
"I promise," I cried out as my body shook, sending waves of pleasure ricocheting through me.
Declan followed, letting out his own release, as mine continued to spasm around his shaft. He looked into my eyes, his own so full of love and adoration. I felt unworthy of such deep emotions.
"You're mine, Leah. Forever."
"Yes, and you're mine. Forever."
I fell asleep in his arms as I had every night. I couldn't help but wonder what had brought on his desperation, his need for promises.
Where did he think I was going?
~Declan~
The next morning, I awoke before the sun broke over the horizon. The room was still dark and gray. Leah was curled against my side, her breathing quiet and even, and her honey-colored hair was splayed wildly across my chest. I very rarely awoke before she did. As a nurse, she worked odd hours, and usually, she woke up before the sun did. Moments like this, I treasured. She looked softer and innocent when she slept, giving every ounce of trust to me as I held her through the night.
This week had been one of the best and worst of my life. I'd spent hours doing research on proving paternity and obtaining custody, and I had spoken with Sarah and Devin. They were in agreement with me, and they'd fully supported my decision. As much as they loved Connor, they wanted him to be happy, and they believed that I could provide that for him. Even though it wasn't what Heather wished, Sarah felt a child should be raised by a loving parent whenever possible. I was so incredibly touched by their willingness and dedication to Connor. At any point in this journey, they could have slammed the door in my face, and that would have made everything a giant mess.