“It’s past. Gone. You’re safe.”
“I haven’t dreamed since I’ve been here. I thought it was finished, that I was over it. That I was all right now.”
“You are all right. You’re perfect.”
She swallowed. “I’m not perfect. I was never perfect, and now I’m totally screwed up.”
He wanted to tell her he would keep her safe. But how could anyone keep her safe if she decided to go back to her old life? He shuddered at the thought. And even if she took up this new life, he would never be sure that she wasn’t in harm’s way. How could he stand the thought that she was putting her life on the line for some other asshole?
It was bad enough when it was him. At least he could keep her close, look out for her, even if she hated it. But what happened after?
“You know, you could always not go back to the army,” he said slowly.
She’d been sitting, arms wrapped around her knees, the sheet tucked in against her breasts, staring out of the darkened window. Now she turned her head to study him. He wished he knew what she was looking for. “It’s my life.”
“But it doesn’t have to be.”
“I’ve got nowhere else to go.” She shook her head. “Jeez, I sound so goddamn pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic, and you’re not alone. You have friends. You could do anything, go anywhere.” He wanted to mention L.A. again but couldn’t bring himself to in case she rejected the idea totally. “Maybe you could work with animals—you’re good with animals. You don’t have to go back.”
“What if I want to go back?”
“How can you?”
“Because I’m good at it. I’m needed. I do something useful. I belong.”
“Hey, maybe I need you.”
She stared him in the face, and he had no clue what she was thinking. “Yes, but for how long?”
He felt the first stirrings of anger. He didn’t know how long. How could he promise forever when who knew what could happen, how he would feel tomorrow or the next day? How she would feel. In her own way, she was penning him in. Wanting promises.
“Maybe I can come and visit when I’m on leave?” she said, her tone diffident.
Perhaps it was time to get this out in the open. “I don’t want you going back.”
Her expression tightened. “And what do you want?”
“I don’t know.”
“Exactly, and that’s the way you like it. Remember? You don’t make plans, and you don’t do commitment.”
He wanted to argue that he could change. And for the first time in his life, he wanted to change. Wanted to be the sort of person Dani would be happy to spend her life with. Not some emotional cripple who couldn’t give her what she needed. But he wasn’t sure. And he needed to be one hundred percent. He couldn’t bear to be the next person to let her down.
She cast him a weak smile as if she knew what he was thinking, and a wave of guilt washed through him.
“Look,” she said. “We agreed that we would be together until the situation changed for either of us. Can’t we just enjoy the time we have left?”
She pushed the sheet down, baring her breasts, then crawled across the bed toward him. Cupping his face in her palms, she kissed him, her small tongue thrusting into his mouth.
He was hard from the moment her lips touched his. Now, he grabbed a condom from the table by the bed, tore it open with his teeth, and rolled it on. He shifted her so she lay beneath him, kicked the tangled sheet out of the way, and pushed deep inside her. It felt like coming home.
At least he could give her this—a temporary oblivion. Her inner muscles gripped him tight in the slippery heat of her, while her legs wrapped around him and she held him with a grip bordering on desperation.
He made love to her slowly, building the pleasure then holding her teetering on the edge, determined that she would forget everything but the feel of him inside her. But as they finally both found their release, the thought crashed through his mind—time was running out.
…
Dani was alone when she awoke the following morning, though the scent of him still lingered on the pillow. From the brightness of the light filling the room, it was quite late in the day. But then she hadn’t slept much the previous night.
Zach had made love to her for hours. Each time she’d thought she couldn’t take any more pleasure, he had proven her wrong.
And each time had felt as though it might be the last.
She showered and dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, dragged a brush through her hair and pulled it into a ponytail. She grimaced at her expression in the mirror. She couldn’t compete with those other women, so what was the point in trying? Shoving her feet into flip-flops, she was as ready as she was ever going to be.
Zach would just have to like it or leave it. But she suspected he liked it. For now at least. The thought brought a smile to her face—she wasn’t going to worry about the future.
She was coming down the stairs when the door to the lounge opened and Zach’s agent stepped out. He glanced up and smiled.
“We were waiting for you,” he said.
She chewed on her lip as she descended the rest of the way. “You were?”
And who exactly did “we” involve?
“Yes. We’re leaving this morning but didn’t want to go without saying good-bye.” He gave her a wicked grin. “That’s not actually true. The girls wanted to get a look at you.”
“They did? Not much to look at.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
She nibbled her lower lip. “Why are you leaving? I got the impression you were staying a few days at least.”
“We decided that we would go take a look down the coast instead. Leave you and Zach to…do whatever it is you do together.”
“There’s no need to go on my account,” she muttered.
“But there is on mine.” Zach emerged from the room behind Julian. “Don’t try and dissuade them now.” He leaned across and kissed her lingeringly on the mouth. She glanced up and caught Julian’s look of speculation but ignored it.
“Come and get some breakfast,” Zach said. “And meet the gang.”
The gang consisted of three women—a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. Celine, Marie, and Theresa. Plus a young man introduced as Paul, Julian’s assistant. The women she gathered were all actresses but actually seemed friendly, not at all what she’d been expecting.