He perched on the arm of the sofa and pierced me with an incredulous stare. “Because it changes everything. I did that. That’s who I am. It’s my past and it’s very ugly.”
A sob threatened, but I choked it back with a hard swallow. The ugly things—there were so many ugly things about myself that always lay beneath the surface of every conversation, every moment. They poisoned and destroyed. I was well versed in the ugly.
It broke my heart that the same darkness haunted Hudson. That he believed his history to be so horrible that it could change things between us. It couldn’t. It didn’t.
I moved in front of him and rested my hands on his shoulders. “Do you think your ugly is any different than mine?”
“This isn’t like following someone around or calling too many times, Alayna.”
“It was an unforeseen tragedy, Hudson. A game that got out of hand. You didn’t set out for Celia to get pregnant and have a miscarriage. And you can’t diminish the things I’ve done to a simple statement like that either. I hurt people. Deeply. But that was before. Less than ideal pasts, remember? It doesn’t mean it defines our future. Or even our now.”
He blew out a warm breath as his thumb brushed at a lingering tear in the corner of my eye. “When I’m with you, I almost believe that.”
“That just means you need to spend more time with me.”
He chuckled softly. “Is that what that means?” He trailed his thumb down my face to caress my cheek. “Yesterday morning, when I got the phone call that required me to be in Cincinatti—I couldn’t even let myself look at you, sleeping in that bed. If I did, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”
My chest swelled with his confession. “I thought you left because you were freaking out.” His puzzled look drove me to clarify. “Because of the love stuff.”
“I wasn’t freaking out. I was surprised, that’s all.”
“Surprised?”
“That that’s what we were feeling.” His gaze was soft. “That it was love.”
I could barely breathe, afraid that if I did I’d disturb the path of our conversation. “It was.” I swallowed. “It is.”
“Hmm.” He smiled. “I never felt this before. I didn’t know.” His swept his hands down the sides of my torso. “But, Alayna, I’ve never had a healthy romantic relationship. Every woman who’s loved me…” His voice tightened. “I don’t want to break you, too.”
“You’re not going to break me, Hudson. I thought you might, at first. Turns out you make me better. And I think I do the same for you.”
“You do.”
“If you decide to not…” I searched for how to say what I meant. “Follow through…with whatever this is that we have, it will hurt. But I won’t be broken.”
“But it would hurt?”
“Like a motherfucker.”
“Then we better follow through.” He drew me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Alayna, you’re fired. You can’t be my pretend girlfriend anymore.” His face grew serious. “Be my real girlfriend instead.”
Joy swept through me in a dizzying rush. “I kind of think I already am.”
“You are.”
“Can I still call you H?”
“Absolutely not.” He turned his mouth to meet mine and kissed me with lips sweet and tender, but passionate all the same.
I don’t know how long we stayed there like that—on the arm of the chair, his body wrapped around me, kissing and cuddling. Time was irrelevant in that moment we were sharing.
Finally though, when I remembered that the club would be opening soon and that I still had a shift to work, I pulled my lips from his and asked the question that I knew was burning in both our minds. “What now?”
One side of Hudson’s mouth curled up in a sexy smile. “Come to my place after you finish here.”
Yes. Of course, yes! “I’m not off until three.”
“I don’t care. I want you in my bed.”
“Then, yes.”
With great reluctance, I pulled myself away. I offered my hand to help him up, and he took it, rising in the graceful way of his. He let go of my hand and tugged the back of his jacket down and adjusted his tie, transforming back into the man most people knew: Hudson Pierce, ruler of the business world.
I watched, mesmerized, still in shock that this man was mine. Mine. It was the first time I’d said it to myself, and it sounded so wonderful I thought I could never get tired of saying it—mine, mine, mine.
His eyes swept behind him as he buttoned his jacket. “Nice couch,” he said, as if noticing it for the first time.
“Thanks,” I laughed.
He studied me with amusement before fixing my hair and straightening the collar of my dress. Then he took my hands in his. “Tell Jordan to take you to the Bowery. He knows where it is.”
“Not the f**k pad?” My voice seemed unusually high, laced with surprise and excitement.
“No. My home. I’ll leave a key with the doorman.”
I hadn’t been anywhere but the loft with him and didn’t even know where he lived. I’d thought it was a good thing before. But now that he’d invited me, there was no other place I’d rather be.
And, besides, I was ready—ready to stop being afraid of making mistakes, ready to let myself be truly healed of my past, ready to start again without fear of regret.
Lacing my fingers through his, I giggled. Since when did I giggle? “We’re really doing this, aren’t we? Moving forward.”
“We are.”
He pulled me in for another embrace, seemingly as unable to let go of me as I was unable to let go of him. As fixed on me as I was on him.
“I’m going to rock your world,” I said at his ear before sucking on the lobe.
He nipped at my neck, kindling my desire yet again. “I can’t wait,” he said.
“Neither can I.”