And she could not look at him. It hurt to look at him. As the first flash of lightning lit the room Luis spoke. ‘Pregnant?’ he repeated hoarsely. ‘You were pregnant with our child and you didn’t tell me?’
‘I did not know then.’ Staring fiercely at her bare feet, Cristina was fighting to hold back the tears now. ‘I f-found out later—af-after you’d gone…’
It had all been so wonderfully perfect to her. She was in love with Luis and carrying his baby, and he was going to come back for her as soon as he could, and then they would—
‘I wanted so much to tell you each time you called me on the telephone. But you were grieving for your papa and busy trying to walk in his shoes, so I decided to wait until you came back to Rio. But…’
The baby had not waited that long.
‘I l-lost it, Before you came back for me…’
‘How did you lose it?’ he questioned huskily.
‘I was working in the café when I got this—pain. The next thing I knew I was rushing to hospital in an ambulance. I was frightened and you were not there—’
Like a man who did not want anyone to see his expression, Anton spun his back to her, eyes closing as he listened to her trembling voice.
‘I was in danger, they told me. The baby was not growing in the right place. And they said—they said that if they did not remove it I would—’
She stopped to swallow. It was too much. Anton spun round and attempted to take her in his arms. But Cristina didn’t want that. She wanted—needed—to stand alone with this, because that was how she had dealt with it then. And it had all been so quick. One minute she was carrying Luis’s beautiful baby, the next thing she knew she was—
She shrugged his hands away. ‘W-when I woke up it was over,’ she continued. ‘They said there had been—complications. They had to remove—too much. There would be no more babies…’
‘Dear God…’ She heard him swallow.
‘My—father arrived at my bedside.’ Still she kept her eyes fixed on her bare feet. ‘S-someone had contacted him when I w-was admitted. He…’
Stood over her like an angel of darkness and poured his shame and contempt over her. Accused her of sullying the Marques name.
‘He w-wanted to know what use I was to him now that there would never be a grandson to inherit Santa Rosa. He…’ She stopped to moisten her dry, trembling lips. ‘He asked what kind of man would want to marry a barren woman.’
‘Dear God,’ Anton breathed. ‘What kind of man was he, to say such a thing to you?’
‘A desperate one,’ Cristina answered. ‘Santa Rosa was deep in debt even then. His only chance of saving it was to marry me off to some man willing to pay him well for the honour. I ran away when he first began parading his suitable candidates in front of me. That’s when I met you, lived with you, became pregnant by you, and…’
She left the rest unsaid. Luis was Brazilian enough to know how things worked in the archaic corners of society. A nice young, protected virgin would win a high price on the marriage market. A spoiled one would earn much less.
A barren one was worth nothing.
The next crack of lightning lit the bedroom. Cristina folded her arms more tightly across her chest. ‘The next time he came to the hospital he brought Vaasco with him,’ she continued. ‘Vaasco was willing to put a large injection of cash into Santa Rosa if I married him.’
‘So you said yes, just like that?’
‘No, I did not!’ For the first time she lifted her eyes to him. He looked pale in the darkness of the room, shocked, appalled—revolted by her now? She looked away again. ‘I s-sent them away,’ she continued quietly. ‘I n-needed time to be on my own, to grieve and to think. I had nowhere else to go so I returned to your apartment. There was a message from you waiting for me on the answering machine, telling me you were on your way to Rio. So I w-waited for you to come…’ One of her hands unclipped itself from her arm and lifted to rub her trembling mouth before it dropped back down again. ‘I was going to tell you what had happened, but we had that big row—’
‘You needed to hurt me as you were hurting.’
‘You were talking about marriage and babies.’ Her voice choked on the memory. ‘How do you think that made me feel, Luis? I was in love with you and I was hurting. I was in shock. Would you have preferred it if I had said yes to your marriage proposal and then said—By the way, Luis, there will be no children because I am barren, you see?’
‘Yes, I would have preferred it,’ he replied. ‘I had a right to know. Do you think I would have walked away from you if you’d told me the truth?’
‘I did not want to give you that choice.’
She heard his breath hiss from between his teeth. ‘You blamed me.’
Cristina stared down at her feet and thought about it. Yes, she concluded, she had blamed him—for not being there when she needed him—but as for the rest…
Luis let out a sigh and moved right away from her. ‘It’s okay. Don’t worry about it,’ he muttered heavily. ‘Right now I am blaming myself.’
‘No.’ Her head came up. ‘I did not tell you this to make you feel guilty about it!’
‘Then why did you tell me?’
‘To make you see why I cannot marry you!’
‘You married Ordoniz knowing you could not give him children. Why not me?’ he bit out roughly.
‘I did not care about him. I care about you.’
Anton pulled in an unsteady breath. ‘The man was childless, Cristina,’ he delivered painfully. ‘Surely he must have married you so that you could give him a son?’
‘I am not that wicked!’ For the first time since this little scene had begun she let her eyes make contact with his. ‘Why do you always have to look for the bad in me?’
She was right; he did. Hell, I’m losing my head here, Anton thought. And he wanted to—
‘Vaasco could not have children!’ she threw at him. ‘He could not have sex! He—the accident,’ she added on a shivering breath, ‘the horse—it damaged him there. And he did not want me because I was young and for everything else I see twisting around in your head!’ she threw at him. ‘He wanted to punish me because I—I caused his accident, and…’ She paused before asking warily, ‘Has your mother explained what Vaasco was to her?’