“Hey,” Suzy protested, “why didn’t you get called a whore this time? A skank is nowhere near as bad and she even called you skinny. I hate you.”
Ella, looking like a clone of Linda Blair, rose on her elbows and spat at them, “Well, you’re both dirty whores! There, are you happy now!”
Suzy, finally getting wise, turned her back as well, leaving both of them staring at the wall. “Holy crap,” she muttered, “exorcism stat!”
Ava bit off a laugh, saying, “Please stop before she kills us both.”
“No kidding,” Suzy replied. “I had no idea that she would turn into the spawn from hell during childbirth. I mean Beth had a few moments, but nothing like Sybil back there. We should be taping this. Can you imagine how many hits this would get on YouTube?”
“If you’re brave enough to break out your phone, more power to you, girl, but I’ll tell you right now, I’m scared of her.” Ava had just finished her sentence when a Kleenex box bounced off her shoulder and hit the floor.
Suzy eyed it before taking a deep breath. “Time to get back in the trenches. Surely to God this contraction is almost over and the good Ella will return for a few minutes.”
Almost as if on cue, Ella started sobbing. “I’m so sorry, you guys. I don’t know what keeps happening to me. It’s like these things just start pouring out of my mouth and I have no control over them. I can’t believe I . . . I called you—whores.”
“Ah, that’s okay, honey; you’re in a lot of pain,” Ava said diplomatically. In truth, she was torn between laughing and running.
“Yeah, what the forgiving one said,” Suzy answered, looking vastly amused. “Speaking of pain, though, I think we need to get some drugs in your system. That would mellow you right out. Just let Aunt Suzy hit that little call button on the side of your bed and you’ll be flying through la-la land in no time.”
As Suzy was trying to convince Ella to say yes to drugs, the door flew open and Declan ran into the room. Both Ava and Suzy sagged in relief. He gave them both a questioning look as he took in their disheveled appearance. Just then, the machine of doom, as Suzy had started calling it, began registering another contraction and they both looked at Declan in anticipation. Ella was clinging to his hand and he was looking at the machine, asking, “What does that mean?”
Ava walked up to him, patting his shoulder. “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough,” she said before walking toward the door.
Suzy followed closely on her heels, pausing beside Declan as well. “Welcome to the party, pal.” She smirked as she walked over to join Ava.
They both shuddered with laughter when they heard sweet little Ella shout, “Where in the fuck have you been?” When he stuttered out something about being with the guys, things got worse . . . a lot worse. “Oh, really? Well, how nice for you, scumbag. I’m lying here in bed being torn in two and you’re off with the guys whoring around!”
“Ba-baby. Wh-what . . . ?”
Ava and Suzy leaned against the door as it closed behind them, with tears rolling down their cheeks as they shook with laughter. “What is it with her and the whore word?” Ava mused as she tried to process all the insults that had been hurled at her in the last few hours. She might have been offended if the whole thing wasn’t so funny. Having someone usually so sweet and shy yo-yo between begging for forgiveness and calling her some form of slut was actually damn hysterical. Looking at the woman she had bonded with enough today to consider a friend, she added, “Will it sound completely pathetic if I say that this is the most fun I’ve had in years?”
Suzy grinned. “Yeah, maybe so, but I’m right there with you. I hate to admit it, but I kinda hated to leave. Wouldn’t it have been funny to listen to her rip Declan a new one? I mean, the man is probably in there on his knees sobbing. If we’re her whores, what do you think she’s calling him? I’ve got fifty bucks on bastard, whaddaya think?”
Ava considered her answer for a moment before saying, “I’m going with son of a bitch, but I’m not confident enough to bet on it. Man-whore is a possibility if she keeps with her theme of the day.”
They made their way to the waiting room, stopping in surprise when they noticed it was bursting at the seams. Everyone seemed to stand at once when they walked in. Jason, Claire, Beth, Nick, Brant, Emma, and Gray stood looking at them in question. Suzy walked straight into her husband’s arms. “Hey, baby,” he murmured as he kissed her on the lips lightly.
Suzy reached back to hook her arm through Ava’s, pulling her to stand next to them. Ava fought the urge to gawk at the handsome man rubbing his hand absently up and down his wife’s back. Suzy gave Ava what could only be termed an impish grin before looking back at her husband. “So, baby, it looks like you hit the jackpot when you married me.”
Gray gave her an indulgent smile while simply saying, “Indeed I did. Any particular reason why you’re pointing that out right now?”
“Well,” Suzy began dramatically, “it appears that you’re now married to royalty. I’ve been named Queen of the Whores.” Multiple gasps were heard, before a chain reaction of laughter rippled through the room.
Ava had to give Gray credit for looking completely unruffled by Suzy’s statement. Instead he simply lifted an eyebrow and said, “That’s awesome, baby. Who bestowed that title on you?”
Suzy began telling Gray about Ella’s volley of insults. Ava cut in at times, sharing things that Suzy had missed.
“Oh my God.” Claire gulped. “Why was she so hung up on that word? I’ve never even heard her use it.”
Before anyone could answer, an older couple stepped into the room, and Beth whispered, “That’s probably where she got it. I think that was her mother’s favorite name for me not long ago.” Beth turned back toward the couple, putting on a bright but strained look of welcome. “Mr. and Mrs. Webber, how great to see you again.”
As everyone sat awkwardly, waiting for someone else to continue the conversation, Suzy stepped forward and threw an arm around each of Ella’s parents’ shoulders. “Ella is right down the hall in room 301. You should go right in and see her while you can. You’d better hurry!” Her parents turned back through the door and walked off in the direction that Suzy had indicated.
Beth howled with laughter. “You, dear sister, are bad, but I love it. I only hope Ella’s got a few more choice whore words left in her. Can you imagine her mother’s face if she says something like that to them? Priceless!” Ava remembered Declan telling her how Ella’s parents had hated him in the beginning along with all of Ella’s other friends. They had wanted their daughter to stay at home with them until they found someone for her who they felt was suitable husband material. Declan was the last man they wanted for their sweet Ella. In the end, though, Ella had shown them that she was strong enough to make her own decisions and they’d grudgingly backed off. No doubt, though, they would blame Declan if Ella said anything even close to what she had thrown at her and Suzy. Oh well, her brother was a big boy and more than capable of taking care of himself and his wife if need be.