He looked at her with a slight bit of interest. “Then why are you still alive?”
“I stopped before it was too late. I thought about my brother, my only living relative, and I didn’t want to leave him alone and feeling guilty because he couldn’t save me. That’s what would happen if you died. Neither of your brothers would ever forgive themselves.”
“I’m not trying to die, okay? I just need to escape. The alcohol and pills help.”
“No, they don’t. They’ll ultimately be what kills you,” Tessa shot back at him.
“Then maybe I do fucking want to die. Christ! I wish everybody would just leave me the hell alone. My brothers would still have each other and our cousins. They don’t need me.”
Xander emanated a darkness that Tessa could feel. “I can’t say that I know how you feel. It had to be horrible seeing your parents die. But there will eventually be light. I promise you.” Her heart squeezed as she looked at the man Xander had become.
“My brothers don’t know everything, and because I’m a goddamn coward, they never will. But there is no light at the end of my long-ass tunnel. It’s fucking infinite.”
“And you’re dragging Micah and Julian along with you,” Tessa informed him. “Did you know Micah’s headaches are back, probably triggered by stress? Can’t you at least try?” she begged.
“I’ll fail,” Xander said nonchalantly. “The nightmares get me whether I’m awake or asleep, without my pills or my alcohol.”
“You can get past that,” Tessa told him, desperately wanting to reach the old Xander that she had liked so long ago. He was still there. He had to be.
“No, I can’t.” He rose. “I’m going to bed. Tell Julian I don’t need a fucking babysitter.”
Tessa knew Xander was going to get a nanny whether he wanted one or not. Julian was staying here with him.
“Maybe if you tried to tell them everything—”
Xander glared at her as he spoke. “I don’t need to talk. I need to be stoned. So either bring me a willing woman or a drink, or shut the hell up.”
She stopped talking because he walked away. He was right. If he didn’t solve his underlying problems, he was going to fail rehab.
A tear slid down her cheek, wondering what had happened to Xander to make him so bitter and angry. Maybe he did just want to forget what he’d seen the night his parents were murdered, but there was more to the story. He’d admitted as much.
Homer moved over to her and put his head on her lap, and Tessa stroked his silky head as she wondered what or who could get through to Xander.
She knew it wasn’t her.
Unfortunately, she’d just failed miserably.
CHAPTER 18
“He’s going to break your heart. When he’s ready to go, he’ll leave and he won’t look back,” Liam told Tessa as they sat at one of the sadly worn tables at Sullivan’s Steak and Seafood the next evening.
Tessa had filled in for one of their waitresses who’d needed the night off. Micah had texted that he’d be home the next morning, and she couldn’t wait to see him.
Honestly, she knew that her brother was right. She would pay for indulging herself in Micah’s passion. But even now, she wouldn’t trade the experience to avoid the inevitable pain. “It will be my issue to deal with,” she told her brother sternly.
Liam shrugged as he took a gulp of the beer in front of him. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”
Her heart squeezed forcefully in her chest as she looked at her forlorn sibling. “You can’t protect me from everything, Liam. I’m almost twenty-eight years old. I like Micah, and he’s the first guy I’ve wanted to spend time with since Rick.”
“He’s the first guy who ever got the chance,” Liam argued.
Tessa shook her head. “He’s the only one I wanted.” Desperate to change the subject, she told him, “I finally looked in my bank account. Liam, there has to be a mistake. Where did all that money come from? Is it yours?”
“No. The money is yours. Tessa, Mom and Dad were far from being poor. And they got the restaurant and money from Grandma and Grandpa when they passed away. Plus, we make a good profit here. That’s your half of your inheritance and the profit from the restaurant. Once I sell the house, you’ll get half of that, too.”
“But there’s almost a million dollars in my account. That can’t possibly be right. I almost had a heart attack when I looked earlier today.”
Liam lifted his eyebrow. “You just noticed? Tessa, we’ve had the joint account with the inheritance and profits for years. How in the hell did you not notice?”
“I didn’t look. I didn’t want to look.”
“Why the hell not?”
“I don’t know.” She sighed. “Never mind. I do know. I think I was making excuses not to try to have the implants again. I wanted you to take the inheritance from Mom and Dad. I didn’t care how much it was. Neither of them talked much about money. I wanted to believe we didn’t have the funds, and whatever we had needed to go toward refurbishing the restaurant.”
“I already have a fund set up for that, Tessa. I’ve been saving from our profits. I got an estimate over the summer. It’s covered. I just need a slow period where we can get the work done.” He hesitated before he questioned, “Do you want to try again? You’ve been pretty adamant about not doing it. I thought you didn’t want to take the risk. To tell you the truth, I don’t know if I would, either, if I had been through all of the shit you have in the last six years.”