Laura paused, thought for a moment, and said, “You know, you can open your own profile and see what pops up. To solve that seven month problem you’ve got going on there.” She gestured vaguely at Josie’s torso.
“Oh, I’ve seen what pops up. You know the phrase, ‘shit floats’?”
Laura just laughed. Ouch. Then again, Josie’s last date had been from an online dating site. Turned out to be a sixty-year-old neocon Tea Party activist who used a Groupon for dinner and made Josie pay her half before the coupon. Capitalism at its best – he’d made money off their date. And all Josie had to remind her was a lovely restraining order when the guy wouldn’t leave her alone.
“So when is the date?”
“Tonight.”
“Tonight?”
“Well yeah, right after work. Mike says there’s enough daylight to make the climb in ninety minutes.”
“The climb?”
“We’re hiking. One of those hills at the state park outside of town.” If Josie rolled her eyes any harder they’d pop out and wander down the hallway out into the street.
“He hikes, too?”
“He’s a triathlete.” Laura coughed, the unveiling increasingly ridiculous. Was any of this really happening?
“So wait a minute, Mr. Ski Instructor Gorgeous Triathlete Thor Lookalike chats with you for a couple minutes this morning and already tonight, you,” Josie looked her up and down as if surveying her from hair down to toes, “who are about as athletic as a slug, are going on a hike to the top of one of the biggest hills outside of the city where you will eaten to death by mosquitoes, you will become sweaty and ridiculously tired and then…”
“You’re so flattering,” Laura muttered.
“What? You’re gonna what? Climb a mountain, Laura? You have a heart attack when you can’t find the remote and have to actually stand up to change the channel.” That gave Laura a reason to pause. What the hell was she going to do? By the time she met up with Mike it’d be six at night. He said it was a ninety minute climb to the top. Granted, it was summer so there was plenty of sunlight until nine or so. But what had she gotten herself into? Did she even own hiking boots?
Josie continued, “Do you even have any shoes that are going to work with any kind of an outfit for climbing a mountain?”
Laura just stared at her as if she’d been reading her mind. “I guess I’ll have to figure that out. All I know is I’m kind of in a super-emotional state right now, Josie. I got an unsolicited chat yesterday morning from a hot firefighter. Went out with him to one of the trendiest restaurants in town and ended up in his bed. When I woke up, I was surrounded with pictures of a women who looked like she was a combination of a beach volleyball player and a surfer. Which I’m not. Ever. At all. It will take me four lifetimes to ever be like that. I slumped out of there and then – boom! – I come home and there’s a chat from another guy. I, I don’t even have time to think. I don’t even know what to I’m supposed to think. All I know is I’m just saying yes to it all. I’m saying yes to life, I’m saying no to doubt and I’m just grabbing the brass ring and – ”
Josie interrupted her. “And you’re throwing out the clichés, like you’re talking a mile a minute, you won’t throw out the baby with the bath water, you aren’t going to count your chickens before they’ve hatched, like you’re …”
“Oh, shut up.”
Josie stopped and put her hand on Laura’s arm. “Just be careful.”
“Oh, no, it’s fine. I’ve got condoms.”
“No, that’s not what I’m talking about. You…I just don’t want your heart broken again. You deserve – you deserve everything that’s going on right now. You certainly deserve to be able to f**k two hot guys in twenty-four hours.”
“I’m not going to do that.”
“Well,” Josie wiggled her eyebrows, “I would.”
“Yeah, I know you would.”
“But I’m not you, Laura. And I’m just saying, be careful with that heart of yours. You – you know what I mean.”
Laura sighed. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” She squared her shoulders, took in a deep breath, let it out. A nice cleansing breath. “I’m saying yes. I’m saying yes.”
“Great. Will you buy coffee this time on our way to work? I really need a triple latte.”
“What?” Laura shook her head as if clearing it. What was Josie talking about?
“You said you’re saying yes. Say yes to buying me an overpriced coffee. Say yessssssssss…..”
She waved Josie off and got out of the chat window and did what every woman does in the twenty-first century after being contacted by a guy from an online dating website. She Googled him, just as she had Googled Dylan.
“Wow. What a strange set of results, Josie. Check this out.” Her friend craned over Laura’s shoulder to see the screen. Mike’s name appeared over and over, followed by a bunch of numbers. Some sort of times, like a race? Wait. The Tri-state Marathon. The Sunshine Regional Triathlon. Oh, my God. He wasn’t kidding.
He really was a triathlete. More than that – he was a steady, longtime triathlete. This wasn’t some guy who did it once for bragging rights.
She knew that guys could shine her on, that people lied in online dating sites and they often talked about being athletic – which was code for I watch TV on Sundays when the football game is on as an excuse to eat wings.
But this guy was the real deal. Page after page – she had to go twelve pages in before she found anything other than some race time. According to the dates, this guy had been doing this for at least the past ten years. Then she found a ski resort page. He worked at the ski resort. That’s what he told her, so he had been telling the truth. He was a ski instructor and first aid person. Interesting. That was as different from her life as you could possibly get. Same with Dylan.
She pushed aside thoughts of Dylan. Dylan was, as far as she was concerned, off her radar screen. He may still be lingering on her skin in that deep, sensitive part of her belly, and the scent of him might still be on her sweater – and maybe in the crook of her elbow, and behind her earlobe and –
Oh stop it, Laura, just stop it. The guy had a girlfriend. He was trolling the online dating sites, probably just to find a one-night stand or because he was a sex addict or – who knew? No more Dylan. In fact, she had blocked his number on her phone, removed him from her “Favorites” on the online dating website, and she was 100 percent done. Just wrote him off. No more Dylan.
Mike, on the other hand – Mike was new. Fresh. Untainted. What could she learn from Mike? Some protective voice inside her said, Are you a complete and utter moron? You’re going to go at twilight, during dusk, and walk a multi-mile trail in the woods with some guy you’ve never met yet – are you crazy?
Josie knocked her out of her reverie. “He seems interesting. I’m trying to imagine you running a – ” Josie gasped, “ – marathon.” Wheezy laughter. “Uh…I just can’t.”
“You just lost your free latte.”
“You know me, I’m a fast metabolizer of caffeine – that’s what my genetic testing showed me. You have to get me one! This – ” she pointed to the cup of coffee Laura had just made her – “isn’t enough!” She mooned a begging face.
“Did your genetic testing show that you consume enough caffeine to mimic a sun-addled mosquito on crack every day?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“Yes, it did.” Josie nodded soberly. “And so therefore, that explains why I need you to buy me a triple latte, Miss I’m Going to Say Yes to Life.” Josie frowned, “So was the sex any good last night?”
“What?! Why are you asking me that?”
“Well, we’re talking about saying ‘yes,’ so it seemed like a natural segue…”
“Of course it was good.” Laura rolled her eyes, her chest heaving a bit as she sighed deeply. “Too good.”
“What do you mean, too good? Is that possible?”
“Well, it’s too good when it turns out he has a girlfriend. He was just, phew – oh boy, Josie.”
“The best you’ve ever had?” Josie asked.
“Well,” she sighed heavily. “Yeah.”
“You’re sure he has a girlfriend?”
“The pictures made it clear.”
“Damn. Well, maybe you can say ‘yes’ to this guy you’re seeing tonight.”
“Yeah.”
“Yes.”
Huff, huff, huff. Laura was more out of shape then she’d ever imagined. Her idea of exercise was lifting her hand from her mouth to the bag of Doritos or lifting the spoon out of the pint of Ben & Jerry’s. No, she chided herself, that wasn’t really true. She took the stairs at work, and that wasn’t a joke, considering the fact that she worked on the thirty-second floor. And she and Josie power walked around her neighborhood (Josie jokingly called it their Mugging Prevention Program), but this kind of sustained, prolonged effort that used muscles that involved the hard work of uneven terrain, hiking along the trails and the woods? This she wasn’t used to.
And that was OK. Really. Mike was a sweetheart who slowed his pace down and who was absolutely, fantastically interesting. Talking about everything from books that Laura hadn’t read since college, but had always loved, to movies – who knew he had a Christopher Guest obsession, too? She couldn’t wait for a second date where they could sit and watch Best in Show, and she could enjoy having that someone finally who appreciated the humor.
Second date? She was getting ahead of herself.
And she really liked that.
“Laura, are you OK?” Mike asked, a look of concern covering his face as she wheezed slightly while rounding a bend and staring at the tall hill leading to the summit. Too tall. Too high. Too little air. Ah, hell. What had she agreed to? Huff huff huff.
“Oh, I’m fine,” she lied. “Just not used to these tall hills. I’m more accustomed to doing eleven street blocks downtown while carrying my morning latte. Not hiking up a steep mountain while carrying a stainless steel water bottle. I’m adjusting, though – I’ll be good.”
He smiled and stared at her. “You’re a good sport you know?”
“I have to be. I don’t think I have the oxygen to run away.”
They both laughed in unison and Laura felt a warmth spreading through her. She couldn’t quite believe the way that the past two days had gone. First, she’d had an absolutely amazing date with Dylan. She could still feel him on her skin, even though she had slunk out of his apartment like a sorority girl sophomore learning how to navigate the world of one-night stands. Then again, it wasn’t exactly her fault that he had pictures of his girlfriend all over the place; funny how that killed the mood. All of that was (hours) behind her, for now here was this golden boy, smiling at her and standing there like Thor at the gates of Asgard, taking her on a hike.