He looked up at me when I stepped off the last stair, a small smile on my face that I hadn't tumbled down them. "Hey," he whispered.
I wanted to hold my breath at the smell on his. "Hi, Ben. How are you doing?"
He gave me an ironic smile and brought his hand up to point at my neck. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"
I shrugged and hid my wound a little better, not wanting to freak him out even more. His eyes locked onto my scar though and something in his visage changed. Suddenly he straightened taller as he stared at where I'd nearly been killed. His blue eyes shifted back to mine and his entire demeanor seemed more focused than I'd seen in awhile.
"I'm really glad you're okay, Emma. I can't imagine if you'd..." He shook his head and swallowed. "I've been sort of...handling things...poorly," he looked down and then back up at me, "but that changes, starting now." He tilted his head at me. "I've caught bits and pieces of what's going on. I don't really understand it, but I understand that you're still in danger, and so are your kids." His eyes flashed to my stomach as I automatically put a hand on them. He looked back up at me, his face solemn. "I want to help. Whatever you guys need."
My jaw dropped at that. I sort of figured that he'd be wiped by now, it had been a little shocking to me yesterday that he still hadn't been, and now, he was offering to remember for even longer. I swallowed and walked over to him, carefully putting my arms around his neck, my high emotions threatening to bubble over. "Thank you, Ben."
He held me back, wrapping his arms around me in a friendly way. "You're welcome. I only wish I could have stopped..."
He sighed and I pulled back, looking at his grieved face staring at my neck again. "Hey, even Teren hadn't been fast enough." I bent down to look him in the eye. "Don't beat yourself up." He nodded and grinned, his whole face lightening. As we separated, I clapped his shoulder, using him to slow my footsteps as we walked to the kitchen. "I can't believe you got him," I told him, slightly shaking my head. "You staked a vamp."
He looked over at me walking beside him. "I know, me either frankly." A small, confident smile lit his lips. "It actually feels pretty good, knowing I can defend myself."
I laughed and grabbed his arm, steadying myself. "Good." I gave him a meaningful glance. "Are you done with the drinking then?" He looked down sheepishly and nodded. I laughed again, feeling lighter than I had all morning. "Good, cuz you smell really bad."
He looked up at me, embarrassed. "Sorry."
I bumped his shoulder as we entered the dining room. A bright ray of light flashed upon my hand and I cringed...but felt nothing. Relaxing, I laughed again. "Don't worry about it." He helped me sit in a chair, taking one beside it. I watched him sit down, a small smile on his lips as he nodded over the table at Jack. "You know how you could help me the most, Ben?"
He looked back at me, his brow furrowed, but his jaw set. I had the feeling he'd agree to whatever I asked of him. I smiled at my upcoming statement. "You can call Tracey," I said softly.
He looked down, looking sheepish again. He peeked up at me from the corner of his eye. "Yeah, I know. I owe her...so many explanations." I opened my mouth to warn him, but he quickly shook his head. "I won't tell her about Teren, or you, but I need to explain myself somehow." He shrugged. "I'll come up with something. I'll call her today."
I grinned and rubbed his back. "Good, because she loves you, you know?"
He smiled and looked at the table. "I know." He looked up as Alanna flitted into the room with a plate of food for Jack. "I love her too." Hot Ben tore his eyes away from Alanna kissing her husband and looked back at me. "And now I know I can protect her." His jaw set again as his tone intensified. "I won't let anything touch her."
I smiled and nodded. Somehow, scaredy-cat Ben now sounded exactly like Teren. Through our bond, I couldn't sense exactly where he was, just the general location. He was somewhere to my left. Miles and miles away to my left. It was a surprisingly lonely feeling and I was a little amazed that I wanted to sense him closer. I almost ached with the need of it, like I wouldn't feel whole again until our bond was more closely connected. I wondered if he felt that way too.
Hot Ben left a little after breakfast, saying he wanted to clean up and surprise Tracey at work by taking her out to lunch. I sighed that I wouldn't be there to see the surprised look on her face when he showed up. I could picture her struggling between tears and anger - things had been tense between them for awhile now, but I was pretty sure Tracey would melt like butter for Ben. It would just take a little effort (and some fanciful tales) and their relationship would be back on course. Hot Ben was the only guy she'd let herself fall in love with, the only guy she hadn't pushed away with superficial excuses. Regardless of the strain lately, she'd take him back simply because she couldn't not be with him. I was immensely grateful that Ben was a good guy, and that his secrets were nothing near what Tracey had been afraid of.
I found myself passing the time by being on the phone. I had a surprising number of calls to make. Settling into a comfortable chair in one of the libraries in the main house, I called my doctor's office first, to cancel every appointment I had. I hated to do it, I wanted to go to them, but Teren was right, I couldn't let them test me anymore. I was just going to have to trust that everything was going smoothly. At least I could hear them now; I could keep an ear out for any odd changes. Not that I'd be able to do anything about it, if something did go wrong.
Pushing aside my fears, and my abhorrence at the thought of giving birth, literally, the old fashioned way, I told the receptionist that I was having a home birth at my in-laws place and had found a clinic closer to their location. They urged me to still come see them before the births, but I reassured them that there were a couple of midwifes here and I'd be just fine. Alanna told me I would be when I hung up the phone. I glanced through the wall to where I could sense her in the living room and thanked her, not really any more excited over the prospect.
After the doctor, I called my sister. She interrogated me for fifteen minutes on the details of what had really happened. Apparently, Teren had been really vague when he'd explained things to her. She'd used all of her will power to not rush out and see me; Teren's warning that I needed time to adjust giving her pause. With a heavy sigh and tears evident in my voice, I proceeded to tell her exactly how I'd nearly died and exactly how Teren had saved my life.
Only silence answered me. "Ash?"
More silence, but I could hear shifting in the background and thought she was pacing. I could even hear her heart pounding, through the phone. Finally she said, "He made you a vampire?"
I really wasn't sure how to answer that. "Um...well..."
She didn't let me finish. "How could he do that to you, to the kids? How could he condemn you to that life?"
I sighed, momentarily thankful that I'd never mentioned my crazy plan to condemn her to that life. "What choice did he have, Ash? Watch us die? You know Teren. He's not capable of just sitting there and watching that, not without trying to help me. Not after everything we've been through." I said that last part quietly and heard my sister sniffle at the memory.
She was silent a moment more and then sighed. "I know. I'm not angry...at him. I guess, I just wish that hadn't happened. I mean, what happens to you now?"
Even though she couldn't see it, I shrugged. "We don't know. I'm still mostly human right now, like Teren used to be." I paused, considering that. "Actually, I seem to be exactly like Teren was, back when he was alive."
She brightened and I could hear her smile through the phone. "Oh, well that's not so bad. You'll just have to hide the fangs and not suck on any cows around people." She laughed and I heard the rustle of her sitting, her heart started calming too.
I closed my eyes for a moment. Part of me wanted to let her keep her fantasy version of my life, the one where everything about me, pretty much stayed the same, and a part of me didn't want to hold back the awful truth of what I was really facing. Eventually, that part won out. "Ashley, it's not that simple."
She stopped laughing. "What do you mean?"
I sighed, hating that I had to cause another person I loved worry. Imogen upstairs offered kind words of encouragement. Alanna told me she loved me. I closed my eyes and prepared to jolt my sister's world, again. "Do you remember all of what Teren went through, how his human body couldn't handle the strain of being mixed...?" I let my voice trail off, hoping my sister understood what I was getting at. I didn't want to have to say it.
She gasped and I heard her heart miss a beat. "You're going to die?" Her voice hitched as she whispered that. I was about to tell her everything would be fine, when she repeated louder, "You're going to die!"
Tears were on my cheeks now as I listened to my sister start to cry. "Ash...don't cry. It will be fine. I'll come back, just like Teren." I really didn't know if that would happen, but I couldn't leave my sister without any hope. I just couldn't do that. She needed to know the truth, but in the broadest sense of the term. She didn't need to worry about the details. There were enough of us worrying already.
My sister saw right to the problem though. "What about the babies? What if you die before they're ready?"
A sob escaped me at that. "I don't know...we just don't know." I sobbed into the phone as Ash sobbed into her end. Suddenly wishing I could hold my sister as we cried, the library door swished open and Alanna scooped me into her cool embrace. I hugged her back, still clutching the phone to my ear. Alanna whispered that everything would be fine, that none of them would stop looking for an answer, and I relayed the sentiment to my sister.
With sighs and hiccups and a promise to not let Mom know anything was wrong with me, aside from the doctor ordered bed rest, we said our goodbyes. I clicked off the phone and continued to hold Alanna, grateful for the cool woman's comfort. She stroked my back soothingly and kissed my head. Then she confessed that Imogen and Halina had spent all last night, pouring over the madman's journals.
I pulled back and blinked away tears. "They did?" Hope filled me that maybe they'd found an answer already.
Alanna sighed and brushed aside a lock of my hair. "Yes. Grandma has looked through it before, but not with the same...intent." She raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded. No, things were much different now. Things were much more serious. Alanna nodded as she watched me, then she frowned. "They haven't found any leads yet." I frowned as well and Alanna brought a palm to my cheek. "We won't stop looking. We'll find something."
I nodded and looked down as Alanna kissed my forehead again. When she left the room, I continued on with my difficult phone calls.
My mother was next and just as I'd suspected, she wanted to spend every long, boring moment sitting in a chair beside my bed here at the ranch. I told her over and over that Imogen and Alanna had experience being midwifes, having helped their older sisters deliver children (also part of the cover story) and they had the free time to wait on me. My mother had a nine-to-five job and bills to pay. She couldn't just drop everything for me. She protested, vehemently, and then I asked if she could help us out by watching Spike. That gave her pause. I told her the girls here were allergic to dogs (since I couldn't tell her that Halina had a sweet tooth for them. Not that she would do that to Teren, but no need to tease her with him being under foot all of the time) and it would really help if we knew he was being taken care of.