“Do I really have to?”
Okay, screw being the grownup.
“You can carry me later when my sore feet refuse to take another step.”
He considered it for a scant moment. “Deal.”
Gabriel set me down gently. I already missed his touch. I made myself stand upright next to him. I didn’t allow myself to lean my head against his arm. I didn’t take the beautiful hand that dangled mere inches away from mine.
He’s so dangerous especially because he doesn’t act like it. If only he knew what a mess he made of me…
As if he had heard my secret wishes, Gabriel grabbed my hand when the doors opened. “Let’s go, Emma! We’re going to have so much fun tonight—I promise.”
His boyish enthusiasm was infectious. I tossed aside my worries, knowing there was nothing for it but to see where all this was going to take me tonight. Relieved by my impulsive decision, I found myself hurrying alongside, appreciating his smaller stride, but breaking free from it until I was pulling him along.
Gabriel called out a farewell to the security guards as we breezed right past their desk. “See ya, Bobby! Keep it cool, Mr. Jackson!”
“You too, Mr. G.” they replied in unison.
“Mr. G? I like it!” I whispered.
Gabriel laughed and hurried us through the turnstile door. We hit the crowded sidewalk, hand in hand, breathless and giddy. Gabriel wound us through the living throng until we arrived at a limo waiting by the curb. A black-suited young man promptly exited the vehicle. He nodded to us both as he opened the door.
“Emma, this is Waylon. Waylon, this is Emma.”
“It’s really nice to meet you, Miss Emma.” The driver flashed his teeth, a crinkle of a smile really, but friendly nonetheless.
“Likewise, Mr. Waylon.”
“Just Waylon, ma’am.” He tipped his head so I tipped mine in return.
“Now that the introductions are over…” Gabriel tugged me inside where the door closed behind us. Collapsing against the leather seat, I looked over at the beautiful angel playing at being human. “Convertibles no longer your thing so you get a limo? That’s your ride to work?”
“Yes, well, I’m lazy. I counteract it with daily workouts, but I still don’t want to walk far.”
“You live close by?”
“A couple of blocks away.”
“So you live a couple of blocks away and still drive to work?”
Gabriel grinned unabashed. “Don’t judge. I told you already—I’m lazy. Even if I wasn’t that lazy, there’s still the weather. Winters are brutal and summers are just as bad. No way am I walking to and from work during those times.” He shuddered comically.
“Remind me to talk to you about living green.”
He bit his lip and mumbled, “Living green. Ah, sure.”
I rolled my eyes dramatically. “You’re incorrigible and I can’t believe I’m here with you!”
“Fate is a lovely lady.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
“Aww, be nice.” He tickled my chin and laughed when I batted at his hand. “Feisty as always…I love it!”
I scooted away when he reached for me again. Safely out of his long arm’s reach, I crossed my legs. “So where are you taking me?”
“Off to the shops.”
“Shops?” Discomfort sheared the edges off my bliss. I really didn’t want to put a big dent in my savings account. I hadn’t thought about cost when I grudgingly agreed to go. Shoot!
“Don’t give me that look, Emma. You said you didn’t have anything to wear. I’m fixing that.”
“All right, but keep it within reason. No couture or super-expensive gowns. If that’s what’s expected, then you might as well drop me off back at the office.”
“Don’t worry. We’re not going to the Met Ball. Tonight’s fundraiser will only require something pretty. Nothing super-expensive. I promise.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
“I’m sure you will.” Gabriel patted the space right next to him. “You’re very far, Emma. A little too far. Why don’t you come this way a bit? The seat is much nicer in this spot than the one you’re at now. That spot is lumpy you know.”
“Lumpy?”
“Yep. Terribly lumpy. It’s apt to bruise you. I’d hate to have that on my conscience.”
“Right.” I slowly slid back towards him until we were almost thigh to thigh. “You know I don’t remember you being like this.”
“While I remember you being exactly like this.”
I cocked my head, curious to hear what he thought of me. “Like how?”
Gabriel gestured with an elegant flick of his wrist. “You were like an adorable bunny with very sharp teeth.”
“A bunny? You saw me as a bunny? Food of all predators. Wow.”
“But a bunny with very sharp teeth, Emma. Don’t forget about the teeth.” He crossed his leg and stretched his arm along the top of the bench seat. “So how do you see me now? Well, I hope.”
“Playful. Cheerful.”
“I was the same then too. Remember? I always teased you.”
“Yes, but this is different. Back then…” My voice trailed away. Gabriel waited patiently for me to find my words. I thought to pick them carefully but they came out blunted. “Back then there was always an undercurrent of rage and sorrow with everything you did. You were a volcano ready to explode.”
Gabriel didn’t deny it. “You always did see too much.” Before I had a chance to reply, he reached for my hand. “And now?”
My heartbeat sped up. Feeling his palm against mine excited me. I struggled to pretend that I wasn’t affected by his touch. “Now it seems that you’re happier.”
“People change. Usually for the better.” Gabriel looked out the window, seemingly watching the life happening outside the slow-moving limousine. “Would you have been mine if I’d been more like this, Emma? Happy and non-volcanic?”
I swallowed hard. My hand remained in Gabriel’s. I squeezed it, heart sore that I couldn’t tell him something better. “No, I wouldn’t.”
“Why?”
Could I risk baring myself to the question, to him? “I didn’t want to be just another one of your girlfriends, Gabriel. Easily replaced, easily forgotten. I didn’t want to be like that.”
And I became them anyways when I went to bed with you after Prom. The fact that I could never forget you shows how bad off I am for you.
“You were never in danger of being like them, Emma. Never you.”
I always wanted to believe and that was I couldn’t trust myself around him. Forcing a casualness that didn’t apply, I breezily said, “You say that but I’m sure you said that to them too.”
His large frame stiffened. “I never said anything of the sort to those girls. They knew where they stood.”
“Then why would they go out with you?”
“Emma dearest, I hate to sound conceited but do I really have to answer that?”
“No, I guess you don’t.” I sat next to him, uncomfortable but determined to know more. “So why did you go out with so many of them? Because you could?”
Gabriel kept his attention on the window. “I suppose that was one reason.”
“And the other?”
“Because you wouldn’t notice me otherwise.”
I blinked rapidly, stunned at the suggestion. “Are you saying you wanted me to be jealous?”
“Were you?”
The question throbbed between us, leaving me in the position to either serve my pride or serve my truth. “Yes. Terribly.”
A faint smile traced across his mouth. “Clever me. Unfortunately, the very plan to get you to notice me is what ultimately drove you away. That’s really why you left me, isn’t it? It’s because you thought I was incapable of being with you for more than a night.”
My free hand gestured futility. “I just didn’t think you’d stay. Why would you? I didn’t have money like you and I wasn’t anything like the girls and women you went out with. Your friends would’ve never accepted us and I doubt you could take me home to meet your parents. It was doomed before it ever started.”
And it probably still is.
God, I hated how pitiful that made me sound!
“Oh, Emma.” Gabriel faced my fully. “You were always above us all. Why can’t you see that? And why would I ever leave someone as precious as you? Do you know why I slept so much in class? It’s so that I could watch you watch me.” He brought our clasped hands up to rest against his heart. “It’s what I lived for each day—waiting for you to see me, to look at me as someone worth knowing.”
My mind and heart couldn’t process everything he confessed. It was too tragic to think I’d been my own worst enemy when it came to the man I’d fallen in love with but wouldn’t let myself have. “Are you really telling me the truth?”
“Always.”
My suddenly damp gaze dropped to my lap. “Did I really misjudge you that badly?” I braved looking back at Gabriel, ashamed of the pain I’d caused us both.
“Of course you did.” His lopsided smile did nothing to diminish the melancholy in his gaze. “I didn’t help matters though, did I?”
I shrugged, unable to explain how seeing him hop from bed to bed made it impossible for me to believe that anything we shared was really felt by us both. After all, I still remembered walking in on him making love to Brandy Peterson on a table.
Gabriel had wanted me to really see him when in truth I wanted the same. I had wanted him to see me as someone unique and not just an interchangeable body. Believing that he couldn’t had made me kill us off before we had truly ever begun.
Assumptions make great fools of us all.
Gabriel closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He exhaled in a loud rush of air. Kissing the back of my hand, Gabriel brought it down into his lap. “Look at us! We’re on our way to a party and here we are moping like a couple of bitter old ladies. This is no time for a trip down memory lane.”
Still unable to speak, I bit my lip and shook my head. I did my best to smile through my tears. Unfortunately, it didn’t help matters any.
“Oh, Emma. I’m so sorry.” Gabriel wiped the lingering tears away with the pad of his thumb. “I’m such a clumsy brute to make you cry. There, no more tears. I’m not worth it, truly I’m not.”
“Gabriel—”
“I promised you a good time and a good time you will have. So you simply must stop crying, please.”
I didn’t want him to think he wasn’t worth it. Not for another moment. Not after all the damage I’d inflicted on him.
“Gabriel, you’ve always been worth a lot to me. Too much, I think, which is why I’m always such a bitch to you.”
“A bitch? You? Never.”
“Yes, me. We both know I’ve always been mean to you. Even today. I’m just a mean, terrible woman who—”