His mouth met hers with controlled passion. Her body felt right against his, more right than anything she’d ever known, like missing pieces in a puzzle finally coming together.
Afterward, he lay beside her and said the words that had been echoing inside his head all night.
“I love you, Gabby,” he whispered. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
He felt her reach out for him.
“I love you, too, Travis,” she whispered, and upon hearing her words, he knew that the solitary journey he’d been on for years had somehow reached its end.
With the moon still high in the sky and the silver light illuminating the bedroom, Travis rolled over, knowing instantly that Gabby was gone. It was almost four in the morning, and after noting that she wasn’t in the bathroom, he got up and slipped on his jeans. He walked down the hall and peeked into the guest bedroom before poking his head into the kitchen. All the lights were off, and he hesitated for a moment before noticing that the sliding glass door was cracked open.
He stepped out onto the small deck, catching sight of a shadowed figure leaning against the deck railing off to the side of the house. He took a hesitant step toward her, unsure if she wanted to be alone.
“Hey,” he heard a voice call out in the darkness. Travis saw she was wearing the bathrobe that had been hanging in the bathroom.
“Hey there,” he answered quietly. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. I woke up and tossed and turned for a while, but I didn’t want to wake you.”
Stopping just short of her, he leaned against the rail as well, neither of them speaking. Instead, they simply watched the sky. Nothing seemed to be stirring; even the crickets and frogs were silent.
“It’s so lovely out here,” she finally said.
“Yes, it is,” he answered.
“I love nights like this.”
When she said nothing else, he moved closer and reached for her hand. “Are you upset by what happened?”
“Not at all,” she said, her voice clear. “I don’t regret any of it.”
He smiled. “What are you thinking about?”
“I was thinking about my dad,” she mused, leaning into him. “In a lot of ways, he reminds me of you. You’d like him.”
“I’m sure I would,” he said, uncertain where the conversation was going.
“I was thinking about the way he must have felt when he met my mom for the first time. What was going through his mind when he saw her, whether he was nervous, what he said when he approached her.”
Travis stared at her. “And?”
“I have no idea.”
When he laughed, she looped her arm through his. “Is the hot tub at your place still warm?” she asked.
“Should be. I haven’t checked it, but I’m sure it’s okay.”
“Do you want to go for a dip?”
“I’d have to get my suit, but that sounds great.”
She squeezed him tight against her, then leaned toward his ear. “Who said you needed a suit?”
Travis said nothing as they crossed the yard to his hot tub. As he lifted off the cover, he saw her bathrobe slip from her shoulders and glimpsed her nak*d body, knowing how much he loved her and that these last couple of days were somehow going to mark his life forever.
Fourteen
Though they both returned to work on Monday, over the next two days Travis and Gabby spent every free moment together. They made love on Monday morning before work, had lunch together at a small, family-owned café in Morehead City, and that evening, with Molly feeling better, they took both dogs for a walk on the beach near Fort Macon. As they walked, holding hands, Moby and Molly wandered the beach ahead like two old friends who’d grown used to their differences. When Moby chased terns and charged toward flocks of seagulls, Molly would hold her course, acting as if she wanted no part of it. After a while, Moby would realize that Molly was no longer alongside him and would bound back to her, and the two would trot happily together until Moby went nuts again and the whole thing repeated itself.
“That’s kind of like the way we are, huh?” Gabby remarked as she squeezed Travis’s hand. “One always chasing excitement, the other holding back?”
“Which one am I?”
She laughed and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. Stopping, he took her in his arms, amazed and terrified by the strength of his feelings. But when she lifted her face to kiss him, he felt his fears begin to melt away, replaced by a growing sense of completion. He wondered whether love felt like this for everyone.
Afterward, they stopped at the grocery store. Neither of them was very hungry, so Travis picked up the makings for a chicken Caesar salad. In the kitchen, he grilled the chicken and watched Gabby rinse the lettuce leaves at the sink. Curled up on the couch after dinner, Gabby told Travis more about her family, arousing a mixture of sympathy for Gabby and anger at her mother for failing to recognize what an incredible woman Gabby had become. That night, they lay intertwined in each other’s arms until long after midnight.
On Tuesday morning, Travis was at her side just as she was beginning to stir. She cracked open an eye.
“Is it time to get up?”
“I guess so,” he mumbled.
They lay facing each other without moving before Travis went on. “You know what sounds good? Fresh coffee and a cinnamon roll.”
“Yum,” she said. “Too bad we don’t have time. I’ve got to be at the office at eight. You shouldn’t have kept me awake so long last night.”
“Just close your eyes and wish real hard, and maybe your wish will come true.”
Too tired to do anything else, she did what he suggested, longing for just another couple of minutes in bed.
“And there it is!” she heard him say.
“What?” she mumbled.
“Your coffee. And a cinnamon roll.”
“Don’t tease me. I’m starved.”
“It’s right there. Roll over and see for yourself.”
She struggled to sit up and saw two steaming cups of coffee and a mouthwatering cinnamon roll on a plate on the nightstand.
“When did you . . . I mean, why did you . . . ?”
“A few minutes ago.” He grinned. “I was awake anyway, so I raced downtown.”
She reached for both the coffees and handed one to him, smiling. “I’d kiss you right now, but this smells great and I’m starved. I’ll kiss you later.”
“In the shower, maybe?”
“There’s always a catch with you, isn’t there?”
“Be nice. I just brought you breakfast in bed.”
“I know,” she said with a wink. She reached for her roll. “And I’m going to enjoy it.”
On Tuesday evening, Travis took Gabby out on the boat, where they watched the sun go down from the waters off Beaufort. Gabby had been quiet ever since she’d returned home from work, which was why he’d suggested it; it was his way of trying to put off the conversation he knew was coming.
An hour later, seated on Travis’s deck with Molly and Moby lying at their feet, Travis finally gave in to the inevitable.
“What’s going to happen next?” he asked.
Gabby rotated the water glass in her hands. “I’m not sure,” she said in a low voice.
“Do you want me to talk to him?”
“It’s not that simple.” She shook her head. “I’ve been trying all day to figure it out, and I’m still not sure what I’m going to do, or even what I’m going to say to him.”
“You’re going to tell him about us, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I really don’t.” She turned to Travis, her eyes filled with tears. “Don’t get mad at me. Please don’t. Believe me when I say that I know how this makes you feel, because it makes me feel the same way. In the last few days, you’ve made me feel . . . alive. You make me feel beautiful and intelligent and wanted, and no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to tell you how much that’s meant to me. But as intense as all this has been, as much as I care about you, we’re not the same people, and you’re not facing the same kind of decision that I am. For you, it’s easy—we love each other, so we should be together. But Kevin is important to me, too.”
“What about all those things you said?” Travis asked, trying not to sound as scared as he felt.
“He’s not perfect, Travis. I know that. And no, things aren’t great between us right now. But I can’t help thinking that it’s partly my fault. Can’t you see that? With him, I have all these expectations, but with you . . . I don’t have any. And if you reversed the equation, would any of this have even happened? What if I had expected you to marry me, but with him, I just allowed myself to enjoy being in the moment? You wouldn’t have given me the time of day, and most likely I wouldn’t have wanted you to.”
“Don’t say that.”
“But it’s true, isn’t it?” Her smile was pained. “That’s what I was thinking about today, even though it hurts me to say it. I love you, Travis, I really do. If I thought of this as a weekend fling, I’d put it behind me now and then go back to imagining a future with Kevin. But it’s not going to be that easy. I have to make a choice between the two of you. With Kevin, I know what to expect. Or at least until you came along, I thought I did. But now . . .”
She paused, and Travis could see her hair moving slightly in the breeze. She hugged her arms tightly to her body.
“We’ve only known each other for a few days, and while we were on the boat, I found myself wondering how many other women you’d taken out like that. Not because I was jealous, but because I kept asking myself what brought those relationships to an end. And then I started wondering whether you would feel the same way about me in the future as you do right now, or whether this will just end up like all your previous relationships. As much as we think we know each other, we don’t. Or at least, I don’t. All I know is that I fell in love with you, and I’ve never been more frightened about anything in my entire life.”
She stopped. Travis stayed silent, letting her words penetrate before saying anything.
“You’re right,” he admitted. “Your choice is different from mine. But you’re wrong if you think this was just a fling for me. I might have started out thinking along those lines, but . . .” He reached for her hand. “That’s not how it ended up. Spending time with you showed me what I’ve been missing in my life. The more time we spent together, the more I could imagine it lasting in the future. That’s never happened to me before, and I’m not sure it’ll ever happen again. I’ve never been in love with anyone before you came along—not real love, anyway. Not like this, and I’d be a fool if I let you slip away without a fight.”
He ran a hand through his hair, drained.
“I don’t know what else I can tell you, other than that I can imagine spending the rest of my life with you. I know that sounds crazy. I know we’re just getting to know each other, and even admitting what I just did might make you think I’m nuts, but I’ve never been more sure about anything. And if you give me a chance—if you give us a chance—I’m going to live the rest of my life proving to you that you made the right decision. I love you, Gabby. And not just for the person you are, but for the way you make me think that we can be.”
For a long moment, neither of them said anything. In the darkness, Gabby could hear the crickets calling from the foliage. Her mind was whirling—she wanted to run away, and she wanted to stay here forever, her warring instincts a reflection of the impossible bind she’d gotten herself into.
“I like you, Travis,” she said earnestly. Then, realizing how it sounded, she struggled on. “And I love you, too, of course, but hopefully you already know that. I was just trying to tell you that I like the way you talk to me. I like the fact that when you say something, I know that you really mean it. I like the fact that I can tell when you’re teasing or telling the truth and when you’re not. It’s one of your more endearing qualities.” She patted his knee. “Now will you do something for me?”
“Of course,” he said.
“No matter what I ask?”
He hesitated. “Yeah . . . I guess.”
“Will you make love to me? And not think it might be the last time it ever happens?”
“That’s two things.”
She didn’t dignify his answer with a response. Instead, she held out her hand to him. As they moved toward the bedroom, she broke into the tiniest of smiles, finally knowing what she had to do.
Part Two
Fifteen
February 2007
Travis tried to shake free of those memories from nearly eleven years ago, wondering why they’d resurfaced with such clarity. Was it because he was now old enough to realize how unusual it was to fall in love so quickly? Or simply because he missed the intimacy of those days? He didn’t know.
Lately, it seemed he didn’t know a lot of things. There were people who claimed to have all the answers, or at least the answers to the big questions of life, but Travis had never believed them. There was something about the assurance with which they spoke or wrote that seemed self-justifying. But if there were one person who could answer any question, Travis’s question would be this: How far should a person go in the name of true love?
He could pose the question to a hundred people and get a hundred different answers. Most were obvious: A person should sacrifice, or accept, or forgive, or even fight if need be . . . the list went on and on. Still, even though he knew that all these answers were valid, none would help him now. Some things were beyond understanding. Thinking back, he recalled events he wished he could change, tears he wished had never been shed, time that could have been better spent, and frustrations he should have shrugged off. Life, it seemed, was full of regret, and he yearned to turn back the clock so he could live parts of his life over again. One thing was certain: He should have been a better husband. And as he considered the question of how far a person should go in the name of love, he knew what his answer would be. Sometimes it meant a person should lie.