It was the kind of lazy Sunday afternoon Beth typically enjoyed, except that every time she saw the bruise on Ben's face and his crudely repaired glasses, she felt a flash of anger at what Keith had done. She'd have to take Ben to the optician on Monday to get his glasses repaired. Despite what he'd said, Keith had thrown the ball way too hard, and she wondered what kind of a father would do that to a ten-year-old.
The Keith Clayton kind, obviously.
It was one thing to have made a mistake by marrying him, it was another thing to have that mistake endlessly compounded for the rest of her life. Ben's relationship with his father seemed to be getting worse, not better. Granted, Ben needed an adult male figure in his life, and Keith was his father, but…
She shook her head. Part of her wanted to take Ben and simply move away. Relocate to another part of the country and start over. It was easy to fantasize that if she simply had the guts to do it, her troubles would be over. But that wasn't reality. She had the guts; it was everything else that made the scenario impossible. Even if Nana was healthy enough to handle things on her own- and she wasn't-Keith would find her no matter where she went. Cramps would insist on it, and the courts, including Judge Clayton, would intervene. Most likely, in her absence, Keith would be awarded sole custody. Keith's uncle would make sure of it; that had been the implied threat since the divorce, a threat she had to take seriously in this county. Maybe she would have a shot on appeal, but how long would that take? Twelve months? Eighteen months? She wasn't going to risk losing Ben for even that long. And the last thing she wanted was for Ben to have to spend more time with Keith.
The truth was, Keith didn't want full custody any more than she wanted him to have it, and over the years, they'd worked out an unspoken solution: Keith would have Ben as infrequently as possible, but enough to keep Gramps happy. It wasn't fair for either of them to use Ben like a pawn, but what else could she do? She didn't want to risk losing him. Keith would do what he had to do to keep the money flowing, and Gramps wanted Ben around.
People liked to imagine they were free to choose their own lives, but Beth had learned that choice was sometimes illusory. At least in Hampton, anyway, where the Claytons pretty much ran everything. Gramps was always polite when they bumped into him at the church, and though he'd wanted to buy Nana's land for years, he hadn't made things difficult for them. So far. But in the world of black and white, there was no question that the Clayton family, Gramps included, were masters of the gray, and they used their power when it suited them. Each and every one of them had grown up with the idea that they were special-anointed, even- which was why she'd been surprised at how easily Keith had left her house last night.
She was glad that Logan and Zeus had been there. Logan had handled the situation perfectly, and she appreciated the fact that he hadn't hung around afterward. He'd known she wanted to be alone with Ben and had accepted that as easily as he'd dismissed Keith.
In all things, Logan was calm and steadfast, she reflected. When she talked about Drake, he didn't turn the conversation to himself or how it made him feel, nor did he offer advice. It was one of the reasons she trusted him and had ended up telling him so much about herself. She'd been a little out of sorts because of Drake's birthday, but in truth, she had known exactly what she was doing. She'd been the one to ask him to stay in the first place, and she supposed that deep down, she'd wanted to share those parts of herself with him.
"Hey, Mom?"
Beth turned toward Ben. His eye still looked terrible, but she pretended she didn't notice. "What's up, sweetie?"
"Do we have any garbage bags? And straws?"
"Of course we do. Why?"
"Thibault said he'd show me how to make a kite and that we could fly it when it was done."
"That sounds like fun."
"He said he used to make them when he was a kid and that they fly great."
She smiled. "Is that all you need? Garbage bags and straws?"
"I already found the fishing line. And the duct tape. They were in Grandpa's garage."
From across the yard, she saw Logan heading toward them. Ben noticed him at the same time.
"Hey, Thibault?" he shouted. "Are you ready to build the kite?"
"I was coming to ask if you were ready," Logan called back.
"Almost. I just have to get the straws and the garbage bags."
Logan waved in acknowledgment. As he drew nearer, Beth noted the shape of his shoulders, the tight cinch of his waist. It wasn't the first time she'd noticed his body, but today it felt almost as if she were… staring. She turned away, laying a hand on Ben's shoulder, feeling suddenly ridiculous. "The garbage bags are under the sink, and the straws are in the pantry by the cookies. Do you want to get them or should I?"
"I'll get them," he said. Then, to Logan: "I'll be back in a second."
Logan reached the steps just as Ben disappeared inside. "Making a kite?" she asked, both surprised and impressed. "He said he was bored."
"Do you really know how?"
"It's not as hard as it sounds. You want to help us?"
"No," she said. Up close, she noticed the way his sweat made the T-shirt cling to his chest, and she quickly averted her gaze. "I'll let you two do that. It's more of a guy project. But I'll bring the lemonade. And afterwards, if you're hungry, you're welcome to stay. Nothing fancy-Ben was in the mood for some hot dogs and macaroni and cheese."
Logan nodded. "I'd like that."
Ben came back out the door, bags in one hand and straws in the other. His face, despite the bruises and cockeyed glasses, was animated.
"Got 'em!" he said. "You ready?"
Logan continued to hold Beth's gaze longer than necessary, and Beth felt her neck flush before she turned away. Logan smiled at Ben.
"Whenever you are."
Beth found herself studying Logan as he worked on the kite with Ben. They were sitting at the picnic table near the large oak tree with Zeus at their feet, and the wind would occasionally carry the sound of their voices-Logan telling Ben what to do next or Ben asking if something had been done correctly. It was clear they were enjoying their little project; Ben was chattering away, making the occasional mistake, which Logan would then patiently correct with extra tape.
How long had it been since she'd blushed when a man stared at her? She wondered how much of her newfound self-consciousness had to do with the fact that Nana was away. For the last couple of nights, it had almost felt like she was really on her own for the first time in her life. After all, she'd moved from Nana's home to Keith's and back to Nana's and had been there ever since. And although she enjoyed Nana's company and liked the stability, it wasn't exactly how she'd imagined her adult life would turn out. She'd once dreamed of having her own place, but the timing had never seemed right. After Keith, she'd needed Nana's help with Ben; when Ben was old enough, both her brother and her grandfather had died, and Beth had needed Nana's support as much as Nana needed Beth's. And then? Just when she was thinking she was finally ready to find a home of her own, Nana had a stroke, and there wasn't a chance she was going to leave the woman who'd raised her.
But in this moment, she had an unexpected picture of what her life would have been like under a different set of circumstances. Now, as the starlings above her moved from tree to tree, she sat on the porch of an otherwise empty house, witnessing the kind of scene that made her believe that all could be right with the world. Even from a distance, she could see Ben concentrating while Logan showed him how to put the final touches on the kite. Every now and then, Logan would lean forward and offer direction, his demeanor patient and steady, but he let Ben have most of the fun. That he seemed to be simply working on the project, rectifying Ben's mistakes without frustration or anger, made her feel a burst of gratitude and affection toward him. She was still marveling at the novelty of it all when she saw them move to the center of the yard. Logan held the kite above his head, and Ben unwound the fishing line. As Ben started to run, Logan followed, allowing the kite to catch the wind before letting go. Logan stopped and gazed skyward as the kite began to soar above them, and when he clapped his hands at Ben's obvious joy, she was struck by the simple truth that sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people.
Nana called that night to say that she needed to be picked up the following Friday, and in her absence, Logan joined Beth and Ben for dinner every night. Most of the time, Ben was the one who pleaded with Logan to stay, but by Wednesday, it had become obvious to Beth that Logan was not only pleased to spend time with them, but more than happy to let Ben continue to orchestrate things. Perhaps, she found herself wondering occasionally, Logan was as inexperienced at intimacy as she was.
After dinner, they usually went for a walk. Ben and Zeus would race ahead on the path that led to the creek, while she and Logan followed; once, they headed toward town to visit the banks of the South River, where they sat beneath the bridge that spanned it. Sometimes they talked around the edges of things-whether anything interesting had happened at work or Logan's progress in reorganizing the files; at other times it seemed he was content to walk beside her without saying much. Because Logan was so comfortable with silence, she felt surprisingly comfortable as well.
But something was happening between them, and she knew it. She was drawn to him. At school, with her class of second graders milling around her, she'd occasionally find herself wondering what he was doing at that very minute. She gradually acknowledged that she looked forward to coming home because it meant that she would see him.
On Thursday evening, they all piled into Nana's truck and drove into town for pizza. Zeus rode in the truck bed, head hanging over the side and his ears blown back. Odd as it seemed, Beth had the strange feeling that this was almost a date, albeit one with a ten-year-old chaperone.
Luigi's Pizza was located on one of the quiet cross streets downtown, sandwiched between an antiques store and a law firm. With scuffed brick floors, picnic tables, and paneled walls, the place had a cozy familiarity, partly because Luigi hadn't updated the decor since Beth was a little girl. In the rear of the restaurant, the video games Luigi offered dated from the early 1980s: Ms. Pac-Man, Millipede, and Asteroids. The games were as popular now as they'd been back then, probably owing to the lack of any video arcades in town.
Beth loved this place. Luigi and his wife, Maria, both in their sixties, not only worked seven days a week, but lived in an apartment above the restaurant. With no children of their own, they were surrogate parents to pretty much every teenager in town, and they embraced everyone with a kind of unconditional acceptance that kept the place packed.
Tonight, it was crowded with the usual mix of people: families with children, a couple of men who were dressed like they'd just finished work at the law office next door, a few elderly couples, and clusters of teenagers here and there. Maria beamed when she saw Beth and Ben enter. She was short and round, with dark hair and a genuinely warm smile. She walked toward them, reaching for menus on the way.
"Hello, Beth. Hello, Ben." As she passed the kitchen, she ducked her head in for an instant. "Luigi! Come out here. Beth and Ben are here!"
It was something she did every time Beth visited, and though Beth was sure she welcomed everyone with equal warmth, it still made her feel special.
Luigi bustled out of the kitchen. As usual, the apron he wore was coated in flour and was stretched tight across his ample girth. Since he still made the pizzas and the restaurant was always busy, he didn't have time to do much more than wave. "It's good to see you!" he cried. "Thank you for coming!"
Maria laid an affectionate hand on Ben's shoulder. "You're getting so tall, Ben! You're a young man now. And you're as lovely as springtime, Beth."
"Thanks, Maria," Beth said. "How are you?"
"The same. Always busy. And you? You're still teaching, yes?"
"Still teaching," she confirmed. A moment later, Maria's expression turned serious, and Beth could predict her next question. In small towns, nothing was secret.
"And how is Nana?"
"Getting better. She's up and around now."
"Yes, I heard she's visiting her sister."
"How did you know that?" Beth couldn't hide her surprise,
"Who knows." She shrugged. "People talk, I hear." For the first time, Maria seemed to notice Logan. "And who is this?"
"This is my friend Logan Thibault," Beth said, willing herself not to blush.
"You are new? I haven't seen you before." Maria's eyes swept him up and down in frank curiosity. "I just moved to town."
"Well, you're with two of my favorite customers." She waved them forward. "Come. I'll get you a place in one of the booths."
Maria led the way and set the menus on the table as they slid into their seats. "Sweet teas all around?"
"That would be great, Maria," Beth agreed. As soon as Maria hurried toward the kitchen, she faced Logan. "She makes the best sweet tea around. I hope you don't mind."
"Sounds good to me."
"Can I have some quarters?" Ben asked. "I want to play some videogames."
"I figured you would," Beth said, reaching into her handbag. "I grabbed some from the change jar before we left. Have fun," she said. "And don't leave with any strangers."
"I'm ten years old," he said, sounding exasperated. "Not five."
She watched Ben head toward the games, amused at his response. Sometimes he sounded as if he were in high school.
"This place has lots of character," Logan commented.
"The food is fantastic, too. They do Chicago-style deep-dish pizzas that are out of this world. What do you like on your pizza?
He scratched his chin. "Mmm… lots of garlic, extra anchovies." Her nose wrinkled. "Really?"