“Yes,” he said quietly.
Judy turned her attention to him, beaming. “You sure are getting handsome. And I hear you’re getting pretty good at baseball, too.”
“Bessbaw,” Kyle said, perking up, finally looking away from the box.
“Taylor’s been helping him,” Denise added. “Kyle really likes it.”
“I’m glad. It’s a lot easier for a mother to watch her children play baseball than football. I used to cover my eyes whenever Taylor played. He used to get crunched all the time—I could hear it in the stands, and it gave me nightmares.”
Denise offered a strained laugh as Kyle stared, uncomprehending. Judy went on.
“I didn’t expect to see you here. I figured you would be with Taylor right now. He told me he was going to spend the day with you.”
Denise ran her hand through her hair. “He did?”
Judy nodded. “Yesterday. He came by after he got home.”
“So . . . hes back?”
Judy eyed her curiously. The next words came out carefully. “Didn’t he call you?”
“No.”
As she answered, Denise crossed her arms and turned away, trying not to show her discomfiture.
“Well, maybe you were already at work,” Judy offered softly.
But even as she spoke the words, both of them knew it wasn’t true.
Two hours after she got home, she spotted Taylor coming up the drive. Kyle was playing out front and immediately started for the truck, racing across the lawn. As soon as Taylor opened the door, Kyle jumped up into his arms.
Denise stepped out onto the porch with conflicting emotions, wondering if he’d come because Judy had called him after running into her at the store. Wondering if he would have come otherwise. Wondering why he hadn’t called while he was gone, and wondering why, despite all that, her heart still leapt at the sight of him.
After Taylor put Kyle down, Kyle grabbed his hand and the two of them began making their way to the porch.
“Hey, Denise,” Taylor said warily, almost as if he knew what she was thinking.
“Hi, Taylor.”
When she made no move off the porch toward him, Taylor hesitated before closing the gap. He hopped up the steps as Denise took a small step backward, not meeting his eyes. When he tried to kiss her, she pulled back slightly.
“Are you mad at me?” he asked.
She looked around the yard before focusing on him. “I don’t know, Taylor. Should I be?”
“Tayer!” Kyle said again. “Tayer’s here!”
Denise reached for his hand. “Could you go inside for a minute, sweetie?”
“Tayer’s here.”
“I know. But do me a favor and leave us alone, okay?”
Reaching behind her, she opened the screen door and then led Kyle inside. After making sure he was occupied with his toys, she returned to the porch.
“So what’s up?” Taylor asked.
“Why didn’t you call while you were gone?”
Taylor shrugged. “I don’t know . . . I guess I just didn’t have the time. We were out all day and I was pretty worn by the time I got back to the motel. Is that why you’re mad?”
Without answering, Denise went on.
“Why did you tell your mother you were going to spend the day here if you didn’t plan on doing so?”
“What’s with the questions? I did come by—what do you think I’m doing now?”
Denise exhaled sharply. “Taylor, what’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t. Look, I got back into town yesterday, I was beat, and I had a bunch of things to take care of this morning. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
“I’m not making a big deal out of this—”
“Yes, you are. If you don’t want me around, just tell me and I’ll get in my truck and leave.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you around, Taylor. I just don’t know why you’re acting the way you are.”
“And how am I acting?”
Denise sighed, trying to put it into words.
“I don’t know, Taylor . . . it’s hard to explain. It’s like you’re not sure what you want anymore. With us, I mean.”
Taylor’s expression didn’t change. “Where is all this coming from? What—did you talk to Melissa again?”
“No. Melissa has nothing to do with this,” she said, becoming frustrated and a little angry. “It’s just that you’ve changed, and sometimes I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“Just because I didn’t call? I’ve already explained that.” He took a step closer to her, his expression softening. “There just wasn’t any time, that’s all.”
Not knowing whether to believe him, she hesitated. Meanwhile, as if sensing something wrong, Kyle pushed open the screen door.
“C’mon, guys,” he said. “Let’s go inside.” (C’mon, guys. Wess go issite)
For a moment, however, they simply stood without moving.
“C’mon,” Kyle prodded, reaching for Denise’s shirt.
Denise looked down, forcing a smile, before glancing up again. Taylor was grinning, doing his best to break the ice.
“If you let me in, I’ll give you a surprise.”
As she thought about it, Denise crossed her arms. Behind Taylor, in the yard, a bluejay called from the fencepost. Kyle looked up expectantly.
“What is it?” she finally asked, giving in.
“It’s in the truck. Let me go get it.” Taylor stepped backward, watching her carefully, realizing that her comment meant she was going to let him stay. Before she changed her mind, he motioned toward Kyle. “C’mon, you can help.”
As they walked back to the truck, Denise watched him, her emotions warring within her. Again, his explanations seemed reasonable, as they had for the past two weeks. Again, he was great with Kyle.
So why didn’t she believe him?
After Kyle was asleep that night, Denise and Taylor sat together on the couch in the living room.
“So how did you like your surprise?”
“It was delicious. But you didn’t have to fill my freezer.”
“Well, mine was already full.”
“Your mom might want some.”
Taylor shrugged. “Hers is full, too.”
“How often do you hunt?”
“As much as I can.”
Before dinner, Taylor and Kyle had played catch in the yard; for dinner, Taylor had done the cooking, or rather part of it. Along with the venison, he’d brought some potato salad and baked beans from the supermarket. Now, relaxing for the first time, Denise felt better than she had for the past couple of weeks. The only light came from a small lamp in the corner, and a radio was playing softly in the background.
“So when are you taking Kyle to his baseball game?”
“I was thinking about Saturday, if that’s okay. There’s a game in Norfolk.”
“Oh, that’s his birthday,” she said, disappointed. “I was planning to throw a little party for him.”
“What time’s the party?”
“Probably around noon or so. I still have to work that night.”
“The game starts at seven. How about if I take Kyle with me while you’re at work?”
“But I kind of wanted to go, too.”
“Ah, let us have another boys night out. He’d enjoy it.”
“I know he would. You’ve already got him hooked on that game.”
“So is it all right if I bring him? I’d have him home in time to pick you up.”
She brought her hands to her lap. “All right, you win. But don’t keep him too long if he gets tired.”
Taylor raised his hand. “Scouts’ honor. I’ll pick him up at five, and by the end of the night, he’ll be eating hot dogs and peanuts and singing ‘Take Me Out to the Ball Game.’ ”
She nudged him in the ribs. “Yeah, sure.”
“Well, maybe you’re right. But it won’t be for lack of trying.”
Denise rested her head against his shoulder. He smelled like salt and wind.
“You’re a good guy, Taylor.”
“I try.”
“No, I’m serious. You’ve really made me feel special these last couple of months.”
“So have you.”
For a long moment, silence filled the living room like a living presence. She could feel Taylor’s chest rising and falling with every breath. As wonderful as he’d been tonight, she couldn’t escape the concerns that had been troubling her for the past two weeks.
“Do you ever think about the future, Taylor?”
He cleared his throat before answering.
“Sure, sometimes. Usually it doesn’t go much beyond the next meal, though.”
She took his hand in hers, weaving their fingers together.
“Do you ever think about us? About where we’re going with all this, I mean?”
Taylor didn’t respond, and Denise went on.
“I’ve just been thinking that we’ve been seeing each other for a few months now, but sometimes I don’t know where you stand on all this. I mean, these last couple of weeks . . . I don’t know . . . sometimes it feels like you’re pulling away. You’ve been working such long hours that we haven’t had much time to spend together, and then when you didn’t call . . .”
She trailed off, leaving the rest unspoken, knowing she’d already said these things before. She felt his body stiffen just a little as she heard his answer coming out in a hoarse whisper.
“I care about you, Denise, if that’s what you’re asking.”
She blinked, keeping her eyes closed for a long moment before opening them again.
“No, that’s not it . . . or not all of it. I guess I just want to know if you’re serious about us.”
He pulled her closer, running his hand through her hair.
“Of course I’m serious. But like I said, my vision of the future doesn’t extend all that far. I’m not the brightest guy you’ve ever met.”
He smiled at his own joke. Hinting wasn’t going to suffice. Denise took a deep breath.
“Well, when you think about the future, are Kyle and I in it?” she asked point-blank.
It was quiet in the living room as she waited for his answer. Licking her lips, she realized her mouth had gone dry. Eventually she heard him sigh.
“I can’t predict the future, Denise. No one can. But like I said, I care about you and I care about Kyle. Isn’t that enough for now?”
Needless to say, it wasn’t the answer she had hoped for, but she lifted her head from his shoulder and met his eyes.
“Yeah,” she lied. “That’s enough for now.”
Later that night, after making love and falling asleep together, Denise woke and saw Taylor standing by the window, looking toward the trees but obviously thinking of something else. She watched him for a long time, before he finally crawled back into bed. As he tugged at the sheet, Denise turned toward him.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
Taylor seemed surprised at the sound of her voice. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”
“No. I’ve been awake for a while now. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just couldn’t sleep.”
“Are you worried about something?”
“No.”
“Then why can’t you sleep?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is it something I did?”
He drew a long breath. “No. There’s nothing wrong with you at all.”
With that, he cuddled against her, pulling her close.
The following morning, Denise woke alone.
This time Taylor wasn’t sleeping on the couch. This time he didn’t surprise her with breakfast. He’d slipped out unnoticed, and calls to his house went unanswered. For a while Denise debated stopping by his work site later in the day, but the memory of her last visit kept her from doing so.
Instead she reviewed their evening, trying to get a better read on it. For every positive thing, there seemed to be something negative as well. Yes, he’d come by . . . but that may have been because his mother had said something to him. Yes, he’d been great with Kyle . . . but then he might be focusing on Kyle to avoid what was really bothering him. Yes, he’d told her he cared about her . . . but not enough to even think about the future? They’d made love . . . but he was gone first thing in the morning, without so much as a good-bye.
Analysis, debate, dissection . . . she hated reducing their relationship to that. It seemed so eighties, so grounded in psychobabble, a bunch of words and actions that might or might not mean anything. No, scratch that. They did mean something, and that’s exactly what the problem was.
Yet, deep down, she realized that Taylor wasn’t lying when he said he cared about her. If there was one thing that kept her going, that was it. But . . .
So many buts these days.
She shook her head, doing her best to put it all out of her mind, at least until she saw him again. He’d be by later to take her into work, and though she didn’t think there’d be time to talk to him about her feelings again, she felt sure that she would know more as soon as she saw him. Hopefully he’d come by a little early.
The rest of the morning and the afternoon passed slowly. Kyle was in one of his moods—not talking, grumpy, stubborn—and that didn’t help her own mood, but it did keep her from focusing all day on Taylor.
A little after five she thought she heard his truck on the road out front, but as soon as she stepped outside, she realized it wasn’t Taylor. Disappointed, she changed into her workclothes, made Kyle a grilled cheese sandwich, watched the news.
Time continued to pass. Six o’clock now. Where was he?
She turned off the television and tried unsuccessfully to get Kyle interested in a book. Then she got down on the floor and started playing with his Legos, but Kyle ignored her, focusing on his coloring book. When she tried to join him in that, he told her to go away. She sighed and decided it wasn’t worth the effort.