And he looked forward to adding more as soon as they both recharged with a few hours’ sleep.
He slid into the driver’s side of the Mercedes. “We’ll be home soon. I’ve already arranged for someone to come by in the morning to watch Nina so you can sleep in.”
She looked at him sharply. “Thank you, but I’d rather not. I’ve already spent enough time away from her.”
He drove out of the small airport’s parking area and onto the main highway. “I can see how that would be upsetting for Nina.”
“It’s more than just not wanting her upset. She’s had enough shuffling in her life as it is.” Phoebe shoved her hair back from her face, frustration sparking in her eyes as clearly as the diamonds refracting the dash lights. “Don’t look at me like I’m being overprotective.”
Had he done that? “Sorry.” He reached across to tunnel a hand under her hair and massage the back of her neck. “I only wanted to make sure you had enough rest.”
She tucked her tongue in the side of her mouth. “I’m the one who should apologize for snapping. You were just being thoughtful.” She sank back into the seat, easing away from his hand. “I’m so afraid of doing something wrong with her. Before Nina came into my life, I knew so little about babies. As Bianca started depending on me more and more for babysitting, I did research to make sure I had all the most current information.”
Good God, if she inched any farther away from him she would fall through the open car window. What the hell was up? Suddenly her speed in getting dressed and out of the jet seemed like evasion rather than efficiency.
He needed to keep her talking and hopefully clear the furrows from her brow before they got home. Before they went to bed. “How did you and Bianca end up friends—and staying friends? You’re both so different.”
“We met in a theater history class in college. Roger was a theater major, too, and I took the class to be with him.” Streetlights whipped past on the nearly deserted road. “We met Bianca and we all hit it off. She’s more the flamboyant type and I crewed backstage for a couple of productions, building sets, making costumes.”
“What about Roger?” He stomped back any residual jealousy and watched her out of the corner of his eye.
“He was a playwright, a really gifted one.” She thumbed her wedding ring around and around. “I’ve always thought he would have made it big if he’d lived.”
He couldn’t miss how she talked about both Bianca and Roger being the spotlight sort yet didn’t seem to see her own special individuality.
“We all three had such big plans and dreams in those days.” She looked down and he wondered if she felt some of the same jealousy he’d wrestled with. “I’m not really sure why I’ve kept in touch with her, but I’m glad I made the effort for the occasional lunch out to catch up. Otherwise, I never would have known Nina.” She looked over at him, full on for the first time since they’d made love. “What are you thinking?”
“That maybe you kept up the friendship with Bianca in spite of your differences because you weren’t ready to let go of your husband.” Downshifting around a corner onto a two-lane road, he hated the image coming together in his mind. “Being around her made you feel connected to him. This way, you don’t have to let go and move on.”
Pain flashed through her eyes. “Wow, that’s pretty insightful for a card-carrying member of the testosterone club.”
“That’s me—Mr. Sensitive.” What would have happened if he’d met Phoebe instead of Bianca? “So you’ve researched Mommying 101.”
“There’s a lot of information out there, scary information.”
He pulled up outside the security gates leading into the Landis compound. “You still look worried.”
“Of course I’m concerned about her future,” she said as the iron barriers swung open. “We may have kept her safe today, but until we know where Bianca stands, there’s still so much uncertainty. I guess what worries me most is the uncertainty. If Nina is meant to be with Bianca, of course it will break my heart to let her go, but it’s more important that she be settled somewhere, securely, permanently.”
“Even if it’s with Bianca?” He guided the car along the winding drive, oak trees and palmettos lining the way.
“Even if. There are so many frightening studies out there right now about attachment disorder. Have you heard of it?”
“Only in very general terms. It has something to do with kids not bonding, right?” He pulled up outside the garage.
“A lot of the studies focus on babies that are neglected or abused. When they don’t learn to bond as babies, it affects how they can bond as children and adults.” She turned to face him, her face shadowy in the dark garage as the door closed behind them. “Nina hasn’t been neglected or abused, but some of the studies also suggest there could be attachment issues when babies are shuffled from caregiver to caregiver, never having a chance to bond with anyone.”
“And that’s what you worry about with Nina.”
She stared down at her hands, twisting the diamond-studded wedding band around her finger again. “All babies deserve security. I would do anything to keep her safe. Anything.”
Just that fast, it hit him. Even if he’d met Phoebe before, she might not have even consented to a date. She’d only married him because of Nina. Her loyalty to Nina—to her dead husband even—might not extend as far as him.
Anger crackled inside him over the idea of just how far she may have been willing to go to secure Nina’s future. “And was tonight about doing anything to make sure you don’t lose Nina?”
Her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open. “Are you insinuating I would sleep with you just to keep Nina?”
Kyle scrubbed a hand over his unshaven face, reason poking through his anger. “Of course not. I know you better than that.” His hand fell away and he cupped the back of her neck again. “I’m trying to figure out why you’re pulling away after some of the most amazing sex ever.”
She looked away, but at least she didn’t dodge his hand this time. “This is difficult for me, being with someone again.” A long swallow moved her throat. “You’ve always had a large family to depend on, so maybe you don’t get what it’s like losing the only person in your world. We only had each other. He was a foster child and both my parents died before I finished college. Dad died from complications during a routine surgery and Mother basically grieved herself to death.”
“I’m sorry.” He started massaging her neck again, finding deep and unrelenting kinks.
“It was a long time ago, but I still miss them. Especially at times like this. They would have enjoyed Nina so much.” She smiled bittersweetly. “But you understand that, don’t you, having lost your father?”
He nodded, his dad’s death still as tough today as it had been when he was a confused and grieving teen. How much worse it must be to lose a spouse. “How did your husband die? You said he drowned, but there must be more to the story than that.”
She blinked fast even though her eyes were dry. “We’d both been working too hard. I was finishing up grad school, and he took on a second job to help pay my tuition. We decided to spend an afternoon at the beach. The day was beautiful, sun shining, but the wind was heavy, making for red-flag swimming conditions. So we just picnicked.”
“What went wrong?”
Fresh tension kinked in her neck under his fingers all over again. He resisted the notion there might be nothing he could do to help her through this.
“Two tourists tried to surf the waves in spite of the warning. One of the guys got caught in the riptide and called for help.”
“Your husband answered the call.” God, he couldn’t even resent the guy anymore.
“He would have made it out, too, but the surfboard hit him on the head. It was a freak accident.”
Still, she blinked fast against dry eyes and he realized she’d already cried herself dry over the man.
“You really loved him.”
She nodded simply, reaching up to link her fingers with his. “Love that strong doesn’t just go away.” She cleared her throat and plastered a brittle smile on her face. “So don’t worry about me misunderstanding what happened back in the airplane. I understand our marriage is short-term. You’ve made that clear enough from the beginning.”
“What if we stayed married?” The words fell out before he’d even formed the thought. But once said, it made total sense. “We’ve got a great thing going here. Amazing sex, a friendship, security. We’re both so independent we won’t need to live in each other’s back pocket. You want clear? Okay, let’s stay married.”
She watched him with sad eyes. “What about love? You might find it one day and be sorry.”
“No,” he insisted, backing away from even the thought. “I have my future mapped out and it’s too transitory for any woman to put up with. We’ll have different expectations in a partnership.”
He didn’t know why this mattered so much, had never thought about extending the marriage before now. But the possessiveness fisting in his chest wouldn’t retreat.
Kyle angled closer, the perfect argument coming to mind to win this battle. Defeat was suddenly, deeply unpalatable. “You could have more children one day. You’re a natural mother.”
She gasped. In shock or horror? “Are you presenting yourself as a sperm donor?”
“What if I’m offering that, and more?” His question filled the space between them with possibilities.
And she didn’t say no outright. Confusion scrolled across her face and he prepped his next line of persuasion. Victory hovered so damn close—
The phone rang from the depths of her bag.
She startled in her seat. “That can only be about Nina this late.” She avoided his eyes and dug in the bag at her feet until she found her phone. “Hello?”
“Phoebe?” a female voice shrieked so loudly from the other end of the line Kyle could hear clearly. “Phoebe, is that you?”
The voice slammed him back in his seat. It couldn’t be. Not now. But Phoebe’s terrified eyes confirmed what he already suspected.
Bianca was alive and well on the other end of that phone line.
Nine
Frozen in the front seat of the Mercedes, Phoebe gripped the phone, terror and relief warring within her. Kyle tensed beside her and she feared he might reach for the receiver.Her fingers trembling, Phoebe changed to speak-Oerphone. “Bianca? Is that you?”
“Of course it’s me,” her college friend, Nina’s mother, answered. Her perfectly modulated voice filled the car. Any accent had long ago been smoothed away in her theater training. “I’m standing outside your apartment. I’ve been ringing your doorbell for the past five minutes and the neighbors are starting to get pissed. Wake up and let me in.”