Her eyes brighten at this, and she reaches over to run her hand through my hair, her touch soothing and warm. “You have said this to me before. I have always liked this answer.”
I close my eyes and they nearly stay closed. When I force them open again, Ruth has dimmed, becoming almost translucent.
“I’m tired, Ruth.”
“It is not time yet. I have not read your letter yet. The new one, the one you wanted to deliver. Can you remember what you wrote?”
I concentrate, recalling a tiny snippet, but only that and nothing more.
“Not enough,” I mumble.
“Tell me what you can remember. Anything.”
It takes a while to gather my strength. I breathe deliberately, hear the faint whistle of my labored exchange. I can no longer feel the dryness in my throat. All of it has been replaced by bone-deep exhaustion.
“‘If there is a heaven, we will find each other again, for there is no heaven without you.’” I stop, realizing that saying even this much leaves me breathless.
I think she is touched, but I can no longer tell. Though I am looking at her, she is almost gone now. But I can feel the radius of her sadness, her regret, and I know that she is leaving. Here and now, she can’t exist without me.
She seems to know this, and though she continues to fade, she scoots closer in the seat. She runs her hand through my hair and kisses me on my cheek. She is sixteen and twenty and thirty and forty, every age, all at once. She is so beautiful that my eyes begin to well with tears.
“I love what you have written to me,” she whispers. “I want to hear the rest of it.”
“I don’t think so,” I mumble, and I think I feel one of her tears splash onto my cheek.
“I love you, Ira,” she whispers. Her breath is soft in my ear, like the murmurings of an angel. “Remember how much you always meant to me.”
“I remember…,” I begin, and when she kisses me again, my eyes close for what I think will be the very last time.
29
Sophia
On Saturday night, while the rest of the campus was celebrating yet another weekend, Sophia was writing a paper in the library when her cell phone buzzed. Though the use of phones was allowed only in designated areas, Sophia saw there was no one else around and reached over, frowning when she saw the text and the sender.
Call me, Marcia had written. It’s urgent.
Minimal as it was, it was more communication than they’d had since the argument, and Sophia wondered what to do. Text back? Ask what was going on? Or do as Marcia had asked and call her?
Sophia wasn’t sure. Frankly, she didn’t want to talk to Marcia at all. Like the rest of her sorority, she was surely at a party or at a bar. She was most likely drinking, which opened the door to the possibility that she and Brian might be fighting, and the last thing Sophia wanted was to get involved in something like that. She didn’t want to listen to Marcia cry about what a jerk he was, nor did she feel ready to rush over and support her, especially after the painstaking way in which Marcia had continued to avoid her.
Now, though, she wanted Sophia to call her. Because whatever was going on, it was urgent.
Now that was a word that was open to all sorts of interpretation, she thought to herself. She debated for another few seconds, making her decision, before finally saving her work and shutting down the computer. She slid it into her backpack, put on her jacket, and headed to the exit. As she pushed open the door, she was met unexpectedly by an arctic blast of air and a thickening layer of snow on the ground. The temperature must have dropped twenty degrees in the last few hours. She was going to freeze on the walk back…
But not yet. Brushing aside her better judgment, she reached for her phone and tucked back into the lobby. Marcia picked up on the first ring. In the background, she could hear music blaring and the cacophony of a hundred conversations.
“Sophia? Thank God you called!”
Sophia drew a tense breath. “What’s so urgent?”
She could hear the background noise fading, Marcia no doubt in search of someplace more quiet. A door slammed, and she heard Marcia’s voice more clearly.
“You need to get back to the house right now,” Marcia said, a note of panic in her tone.
“Why?”
“Luke is there. He’s parked on the street out front. He’s been waiting there for the last twenty minutes. You need to get there right away.”
Sophia swallowed. “We broke up, Marcia. I don’t want to see him.”
“Oh,” Marcia said, not bothering to hide her confusion. “That’s terrible. I know how much you liked him…”
“Is that it?” Sophia asked. “I’ve got to go…”
“No, wait!” Marcia called out. “I know you’re mad at me and I know I deserve it, but that’s not why I’m calling. Brian knows that Luke is there – Mary-Kate told him a few minutes ago. Brian’s been drinking for hours and he’s getting riled up. He’s already getting some of the guys together to go after him. I’ve been trying to talk him out of it, but you know how he is. And Luke has no idea what’s coming. You might be broken up, but I don’t think you want him to get hurt…”
By then, Sophia was barely listening, the icy winds drowning out the sound of Marcia’s voice as she hurried back toward the house.
The campus appeared deserted as she took every shortcut she could, trying to reach the house in time. As she ran, she called Luke repeatedly on his cell phone, but for whatever reason, he wasn’t answering. She managed to send him a brief text as well but didn’t get a response.
It wasn’t far, but the cold February wind was bitter, stinging her ears and cheeks, and her feet kept sliding in the new-fallen snow. She hadn’t worn boots, and melting snow seeped through her shoes, soaking her toes. Wet snow continued to fall, feathery and thick, the kind of snow that would turn instantly to ice, making the roads dangerous.
She broke into a flat-out run, autodialing Luke again to no avail. Off campus now, onto the streets. Then Greek Row, students clustered together behind brightly lit windows. A few people hurried down the sidewalks, bustling from one party to the next, the usual Saturday night ritual of abandon and excess. Her house was on the far end of the street, and peering into the snowy darkness, she faintly made out the outline of Luke’s truck.
Just then, she glimpsed a group of guys leaving a fraternity house three doors down, on the other side of the street. Five or six of them, led by someone very tall. Brian. Another figure soon followed, and though she was illuminated only briefly as she ran across the porch and down the steps, Sophia easily recognized her roommate. Faintly, muffled by the winter weather, she heard Marcia calling for Brian to stop.
As she ran, her backpack thumped awkwardly and her feet continued to slip, making her feel clumsy. She was closing in, but not fast enough. Brian and his friends had already fanned out on either side of the truck. She was four houses away, unable to tell from the darkened interior of the truck whether Luke was in there at all. Marcia’s screams cut the air again, angry this time. “This is stupid, Brian! Just forget about him!”
Three houses to go. She watched as Brian and his friend yanked open the door on the driver’s side and reached in. A scuffle began and she screamed just as Luke was pulled from the truck.
“Leave him alone!” Sophia shouted.
“You’ve got to stop, Brian!” Marcia chimed in.
Brian – either buzzed or drunk – ignored them both. Off balance, Luke stumbled into the arms of Jason and Rick, the same two who had been with Brian at the rodeo in McLeansville. Four others crowded around, surrounding Luke.
Panicked, Sophia ran down the center of the street just as Brian reeled back and threw a punch, which sent Luke’s head whipping back. Sophia felt a sudden flash of hard-formed terror as she remembered the video…
As Luke went wobbly, Rick and Jason released him, and he toppled onto the snow-covered asphalt. Finally closing in, still terrified, she watched for movement, not seeing any…
“Get up!” Brian shouted at him. “I told you it wasn’t over!”
Sophia saw Marcia jump in front of Brian.
“Just stop!” she screamed at him, trying to hold him back. “You’ve got to stop!”
Brian ignored her as Sophia saw Luke finally beginning to struggle to all fours, trying to get to his feet.
“Get up!” Brian shouted again. By then, Sophia was able to break through the circle, elbowing past two frat boys to insert herself between Brian and Luke, next to Marcia.
“It’s over, Brian!” she yelled. “Knock it off!”
“It’s not over yet!”
“It is now!” Sophia responded.
“Come on, Brian,” Marcia pleaded, reaching for Brian’s hands. “Let’s just go. It’s cold out here. I’m freezing.”
By then, Luke had risen to his feet, the bruise on his cheekbone evident. Brian was breathing hard, and, surprising Sophia, he shoved Marcia to the side. It wasn’t a violent push, but Marcia hadn’t expected it and she stumbled, falling to the ground. Brian didn’t seem to notice. He took a menacing step forward, preparing to shove Sophia out of the way, too. Stepping aside, she whipped her phone from her pocket. By the time Brian grabbed Luke, Sophia was already pushing buttons and raising the phone.
“Go ahead! I’ll record the whole thing! Go to jail for all I care! Get kicked off the team! You can all get kicked off for all I care!”
She continued to back away, recording, panning over everyone present. She was zooming in on their shocked and anxious expressions when Brian lunged at her, tearing the phone from her grasp and smashing it to the ground.
“You’re not recording anything!”
“Maybe not,” Marcia said from the opposite side of the circle, holding up her phone. “But I am.”
“I guess I probably deserved that,” Luke said. “After what I did to him, I mean.”
They’d climbed into the truck, Luke behind the wheel, Sophia beside him. The threats had worked. It was Jason and Rick who eventually convinced Brian to return with them to the frat house, where Brian was no doubt reliving the punch that had sent Luke crumpling to the ground. Marcia didn’t go with them; instead, she retreated to the sorority house and Sophia had watched the light go on in their room.
“You didn’t deserve it,” she said. “As I recall, you never hit Brian. You just kind of… pinned him to the ground.”
“In the dirt. Facedown.”
“There was that,” she admitted.
“Thanks for stepping in, by the way. With your phone. I’ll buy you a new one.”
“You don’t have to. It was getting old anyway. Why didn’t you answer?”
“Battery died on the drive home and I forgot to bring the car charger. I only packed the regular one. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal.”
“Did you at least text your mom?”
“Yeah,” he said. If he wondered how she’d known about his habit of doing that, he didn’t ask. Sophia folded her hands in her lap.
“I guess you know what I’ll ask next, right?”
Luke squinted at her. “Why am I here?”
“You shouldn’t have come. I don’t want you here. Especially right after you get back from an event. Because —”
“You can’t live like this.”
“No,” she said. “I can’t.”
“I know,” he said. He sighed before turning sideways in his seat to face her. “I came here to tell you that I can’t either. As of tonight, I’m retired. For good, this time.”
“You’re quitting?” she asked, disbelief in her voice.
“I’ve already quit.”
She wasn’t sure how to respond. Should she congratulate him? Sympathize? Express her relief?
“I also came by to ask if you were doing anything this weekend. Or if you had anything pressing on Monday? Like tests or papers.”
“I have a paper due next Thursday, but other than that, just a couple of classes. What did you have in mind?”
“Just a little break to get my head straight. Before my battery died, I called and talked to my mom about it, and she thinks it’s a good idea.” He let out a long breath. “I was thinking of driving up to the cabins, and I was wondering if you’d like to come with me.”
She still had trouble absorbing everything he’d just said or figuring out whether to believe it. Could he be telling the truth? Had he really given up riding for good?
With his eyes fixed on her, she whispered, “Okay.”
Upstairs in their room, she found Marcia packing a duffel bag.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to drive home tonight. I just need to sleep in my own bed, you know? I’ll be out of here in a minute or two.”
“It’s okay,” Sophia said. “It’s your room, too.”
Marcia nodded, continuing to throw items into her bag. Sophia shifted from one foot to the other. “Thanks for texting me. And for what you did with the phone down there.”
“Yeah, well, he deserved it. He was acting… crazy.”
“It was more than that,” Sophia said.
Marcia looked up for the first time. “You’re welcome.”
“He probably won’t remember much of it.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does if you like him.”
Marcia debated that for an instant before shaking her head. Sophia had the sense she’d come to some sort of conclusion even if she wasn’t quite sure what it was.
“Is Luke gone yet?”
“He went to get some gas and to pick up some supplies. He’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Seriously? I hope he keeps the doors locked this time.” She zipped up her bag and then focused on Sophia again. “Wait… why’s he coming back? I thought you said you broke up with him.”