The signs had all been there; she’d just chosen to ignore them. It felt so good to have someone in her life that genuinely seemed to care about her, someone to lean on for the first time in her life. This was a side of Jason that was completely unexpected. Sure he was dominating in business but most successful men were. He cared about everyone in the company that much was obvious.
To be involved with him though, was to lose her identity, and how long after would the abuse start? Her father hadn’t always been someone her mother considered a monster. She probably felt protected and cherished at first until he slowly chipped away at everything she was. Even though her heart was breaking, it was time to walk away from Jason while she still had the strength to do it.
She didn’t know how long she’d been lying in the dark when she heard a knock at the door. Oh wonderful, Billy has some more bad news for me. Maybe Jason kicked his dog after threatening him. Wearily getting to her feet, Claire walked to the door and swung it open without checking to see who was on the other side.
Jason stood there, a warm smile on his face. He stepped forward to kiss her lightly on the lips and then walked around her into the apartment seeming not to notice the frozen expression on her face. “I had my driver drop me here. I thought I could help you pack some of your things, and we could stop for dinner on the way home.” Suddenly, he stopped to examine her face and the rumpled condition of her clothing. “Were you resting?”
“Jason, I’m not going to your house tonight.” She walked over to the side table where he had tossed his keys and handed them to him.
“What’s going on? You want to stay here? I guess I could grab a few things from home and come back if that’s what you really want.”
She tried to draw on her earlier anger to keep the tears in check and said, “I don’t want you here either. Whatever this is that we’ve been doing is over. I know this will make working together impossible, so I’ll find another job. Suzy can pick my things up for me at the office.”
“Whoa! What the hell are you talking about? I seem to have missed out on something major here. You’re breaking up with me because I talked to your mother’s doctor today? I know I might have been out of line a bit, but I don’t think that’s any reason to take this drastic step.”
Claire could see the confusion in Jason’s eyes and the red flush covering his face. His normal unflappable cool seemed to be deserting him. “It’s not just that Jason, it’s a series of things like it though. This is best for both of us. I’ve been controlled almost my entire life; I can’t make the mistake of continuing the cycle," replied Claire.
"You’re upset over your mother, and you’re overreacting. Let’s talk about our relationship later when you have calmed down some,” said Jason in a soothing voice.
Claire saw red at the patronizing tone of his voice. Anger took control as she yelled “Don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot Jason, I know exactly what I’m doing and as for our relationship, we don’t have one! We slept together a few times but great sex doesn’t mean we’re married now!”
Claire sucked in a breath and prepared to deliver the final blow, knowing she was going to have to twist the knife even deeper to get him to leave. “I tried Jason, I really did, but you just aren’t my type. I’ve been seeing someone else that I met at one of the bachelor parties, and I think we’re a better fit. I’m not looking for anything serious, you’re smothering me,” finished Claire with a pitying smile.
Jason stared at her like he had never seen her before. His handsome face went white, completely devoid of color. With a look of pure disgust, he spun on his heel and slammed out her door without uttering a single word in response.
On shaky legs, Claire walked over and locked her door and collapsed on the floor. Sobs ripped from her throat as every piece of her heart shattered into a million pieces. Claire knew that as long as she lived, she would never be whole again. She loved him; maybe the lust that she’d always joked with herself about feeling for him had been love all along. Just knowing she would never see him at the office, never see those blue eyes twinkle when he laughed, never feel his hands on her body bringing her to a frenzied pitch made her want to run after him and beg him to forgive her, but she couldn’t.
In ten years or less she would be her mother, and she would rather be alone than love someone so bent on consuming her. As she curled up into a ball on the floor, Claire wondered if she would ever find the strength or will to move again.
~~~
Jason walked to his car in disbelief. He wanted to turn around and go back, to demand to know what was going on but the memory of the cold, remote expression on Claire’s face stopped him. Had the things that he thought he was doing to help her been the very things that pushed her away? He didn’t believe the bit about her seeing someone else; that just wasn’t the way Claire was made. He knew it was his actions alone that had pushed her away and for that he had no answer.
Ironic really, the one time in his life that he let himself depend on another person, get emotionally involved, he was kicked in the stomach and discarded like yesterday’s trash. If this was how love ended up making you feel, then he was finished with it. Almost on auto pilot he arrived home and entered a house which seemed to be filled with such promise only this morning.
Chapter Twenty Five
Claire somehow survived the next week. Most of her mother’s test results were back, and the news wasn’t as promising as she’d hoped but not a worst-case scenario either. Dr. Mauldin didn’t feel that another stroke was imminent. The damage sustained from this one was more than likely permanent, and her mother would need months of rehabilitation to learn to cope with the handicaps left behind.
The process would be slow with her Alzheimer’s. Dr. Mauldin was convinced that her mother would need to move into a rehabilitation center for awhile rather than trying it on an outpatient basis. Her insurance would cover some of the cost but would still leave a large amount that needed to be paid. Claire walked back out into the waiting room and put her face in her hands. How was she going to cover all the expenses?
She felt a touch on her head and looked up into the concerned eyes of Louise. Louise took one of her hands and said, “Honey, I know you’re overwhelmed and trying to decide what to do. If you don’t mind an old woman giving you some advice, I would like to tell you something that you don’t know.”
Her curiosity peaked; Claire waited for her to continue. “Many years ago there were two old women who liked to think ahead. In a house where it wasn’t encouraged to think at all, much less make any plans, we did what we could on our own. Your mama always knew you were the strong one. Even back then she sensed at some point you’d be taking care of us all. Your daddy moved everything into your mama’s name well before he died. He claimed it was for tax purposes, but I really believe he just wanted to be free and clear, in case he decided to run off with one of those floozies that he loved to hang out with.”
Almost choking in surprise, Claire said, “Floozies?”
“Honey there isn’t another word for them, and I think you always knew your daddy liked the women. He wanted your mama under his thumb as the status symbol of the happily married man, but he also wanted the wild ones to run with. We told your daddy many times that we were going to the market or some errand, but actually we were meeting my cousin Bill, a lawyer we could trust. Your mama had everything, including the house put into your name years ago. We were really careful to keep it hidden. Your daddy never thought anyone had a brain other than him, so he never really looked hard enough to find out. Honey, that house is worth a lot of money. It may be in disrepair, but it’s on prime land and would bring a pretty penny if you sold it. I know you think your mama would never adjust if she left there but it’s the opposite really. It’s taken me a long time to realize it, but that house has been her prison for so long, she needs to get out. There are so many bad memories there for her that I think she hides inside her mind just to escape them.”
Claire could feel her mouth opening and closing with no sounds coming out. “My God, Louise, I’d no idea! Why would she have the house put in my name with Chrissie still alive?”
“Honey we both know your sister wasn’t very strong. Now your mama had no idea what would happen to her; she just took steps to protect you girls. She wanted you to be able to sell the house and have the money to take care of you and your sister. She held on there so many years to give that to you.”
Tears were rolling down her face as she gripped Louise’s hand tightly. “I never knew. I thought she was completely in denial over what was going on. I can’t believe you two did all of this on your own and managed to hide it from him; that took a lot of guts.”
Louise smiled at her and laughed. “Honey, us old ladies still got a trick or two up our sleeves. Now you find someone to list that house with and set your mama free. She needs a new life and so do you. It’s time all those ghosts were laid to rest. Someone else can come in and make a life there, give that place some happy memories.”
~~~
Claire talked to her mother that afternoon about everything Louise had told her. She saw a sparkle in her eyes that had never been there before and it looked strangely like pride. It was a strain for her mother to talk, but she managed to confirm her wishes for the house to be sold.
She spent the afternoon arranging for a real estate agent to meet her there the next day. She also called an employment agency and lined up some interviews at the end of the week. If she could find an office job during the day, she could possibly work a weekend job as well when her mother was settled into the rehabilitation center.
Claire took a few moments to check the messages on her cell phone which she’d been ignoring. Julie had left several messages wanting to know why she wasn’t working for Partiez Plus any longer. Suzy had also been ringing her phone off the hook so as soon as she was settled at home, she returned her call.
“Girlfriend, you got some explaining to do,” said Suzy. “I call and call and you never answer. Are we seeing other friends now or something?”
With a laugh, Claire said, “Nope, you know you’re my one and only. It’s been crazy here; I’ve almost lived at the hospital. Thank you for the flowers that you brought to mom, she really loved them. She’s the envy of everyone on the floor now.”
“I’m glad she liked them. I’m sorry I missed you when I dropped by, I thought I could grill you; um, I mean to feed you.”
“Grill me huh? About what?”
With a long, dramatic sigh, Suzy said, “Don’t act dumb babe, it’s so not you. I know that your love life has hit the skids for some reason. From the looks of Jason, I don’t think it’s his idea. The man looks like he has been run over by a truck. Candace who has been filling in for you says he never leaves the office. He’s there when she gets there and there when she leaves. She suspects he has been sleeping there. I’m even starting to question his bathing habits, ugh. So what gives with you two? And before you even say it, I know I’m nosey as hell but hey, it’s part of my charm, right? You seemed so happy with him, what happened?”
“Oh Suz, I wanted him to be something he wasn’t,” said Claire sadly.
“And what was that?” asked Suzy.
“I wanted him to be the man of my dreams, not the man of my nightmares.”
“Babe, I don’t get it, was he into freaky stuff or something? He sure doesn’t look like the type, although he does look yummy.”
“Um Suz, earth to Suz, come back now. What I mean is he’s just like my father.” Suzy was quiet for so long, Claire wondered if she was still there. Over a bottle of wine one evening, she’d told Suzy all about her years of abuse at the hands of her father.
“Claire, why would you think that?” asked Suzy.
“Remember when I told you Jason tried to loan me money and the fight we had over it? You explained to me that he had helped several people you knew.”
“Yeah, so you’re still mad about that?”
“No, other things have happened Suz, things I can’t get over.”
She went on to tell her about the papers she’d found in his briefcase while they were in Charleston, about the incident at the hospital and then finally what Billy had told her.
When she was finished Suzy for once was actually speechless. “Wow, he has been a busy boy hasn’t he? He’s like a fairy godmother or something isn’t he?”
“You see don’t you Suz? He’s everything I’ve been running from my whole life. I had to get away, make the break before it was too late.”
“Claire, I know you haven’t had an easy life, hell, it’s pretty much raised its leg and peed right on you. Jason has for sure lost control there a bit, no doubt. Actually, a little bat shit crazy on the giving money away for free but I already thought that. Sweetie, I don’t think he’s anything like your father. I know he’s scaring you by trying to take care of all of your needs before you even know you have them, but I’m telling you, the man has a good heart. Can you honestly say there was an instance when you felt like your father had a good heart? Did you ever feel like he was trying to protect and care for you?”