“You can’t be up there, you little monkey,” I told him between raspberries. “You gotta stay off the TV stand, silly. No, Benny. No.” I pointed at the entertainment center as I said “no,” serious now.
Ben caught my stern tone and wiggled to get down. “I do.” He scrambled up onto the chair and made to climb back onto the TV stand. He patted the top of the dark-stained wood with his little hand. “I do.”
I scooped him up again and crossed the living room, tossing him onto the couch. “You don’t. No, Benny. No. No climbing.”
He made an angry face at me and smacked my arm. “I do.”
I caught his hand before he could smack me again and gave him a stern glare. “No, sir. No hitting. You don’t hit Mommy.”
He rubbed his eyes then, toys still firmly gripped in each hand. “Mama.” He leaned forward and bumped me with his forehead, pretending to cry now.
I gathered him up and sat him on my lap. “That’s right. Be nice to Mommy.” I turned his face up to mine. “Kisses?”
He pressed his cheek to my lips so I could kiss him and then scrambled off my lap, running at full-tilt toddler speed, cackling, “I do, I do!”
Right on to the table. I sighed, waited until he was solidly on the tabletop, and then scooped him up and plopped him back on the couch. “How about a show so Mommy can finish dinner before Auntie Nell and Uncle Colt get here?”
He waved his hammer and giraffe at the TV. “House, house, house!” he chanted, meaning he wanted Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
I turned on a DVR’d episode of his favorite show and ruffled his curly dark hair. “Now stay out of trouble for five consecutive minutes, please.”
I managed to get dinner made by the time Jason came home, slamming the door to the garage with his foot.
“Where’s my little man?” he called, dropping his gear bag on the floor of the laundry room and peeling his sweat-stained tank top off. Jason hated showering at the team gym for some reason, so he always came home sweating and smelly. It may have been because he knew it turned me on, though. I hadn’t changed yet, so had no problem with letting him wrap his sweat-slick arms around me and kiss me breathless.
Benny came running around the corner at that moment, show forgotten. He slammed into Jason’s legs and clawed at his shorts, trying to get up. Jason scooped him up, tossed him into the air, and caught him, nibbling at his belly until Benny squealed and wiggled free.
“Give Daddy a kiss,” Jason said, kneeling down to Benny’s level.
Benny threw himself at Jason and gave him a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss on his chin.
I huffed in exasperation. “Ugh. He’ll give you a kiss, but he won’t give me one. He’ll let me kiss him, but he won’t kiss me. No fair.”
Jason laughed. “He must just love me best.” He clutched Ben against him in mock-possessiveness.
I made a sad face and turned away, pretending to cry. “I want a kiss,” I wailed.
I watched out of the corner of my eye as Benny glanced at Jason in consternation, then to me.
“Better give her a kiss,” Jason advised. “Mommy gets very sad when she doesn’t get kisses.”
Benny wiggled out of Jason’s grip and toddled over to me, wrapping his arms around one of my legs and peering up at me in concern. “Mama?”
I kneeled down and held him by his shoulders. “Can I have a kiss, just like Daddy?”
Benny smiled at me and gave me a sloppy kiss on my cheek. “I do,” he said, which was his phrase for just about every situation.
“I’m gonna shower and change real quick, then I’ll finish dinner so you can get ready,” Jason said. “What time are they coming?”
“Six-thirty,” I said, “and it’s already a quarter to six, so hurry up.”
By the time I’d finished showering and getting ready, Nell and Colt had already arrived and were on the living room floor playing with Benny while Jason finished the sides and set the table. I stood on the middle stair, unseen as yet, watching Nell help Benny stack blocks while Colt tried to knock them down, much to Benny’s delight. As soon as they had four or six colored wooden blocks stacked up, Colt would drive a toy truck through the bottom, making the kind of rumbling, sputtering engine noise only a boy could make. Benny would shriek and laugh when the tower of blocks fell, turning to Nell and handing her an armload of blocks so she could stack them again.
I watched this play out several times, and each time my emotions got further and further out of control. Something about watching Nell play with my son had me in tears. She was so happy, so completely content and in the moment, joy shining from her eyes, totally unreserved. Colt saw it, too, his eyes glued to Nell’s face as she played with Benny. I saw the love he had for her, and it only made me sniffle that much more. I remembered all too vividly the day I’d walked into her room as she dragged a razor across her wrist. I remembered smelling alcohol on her breath and seeing the desperation in her eyes, the deeply buried heartache.
I descended the rest of the stairs and sat on the floor next to Nell, helping her stack blocks.
She smiled at me and nodded at Ben. “He’s amazing. He’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Thanks. He’s a troublemaker extraordinaire, but he makes up for it sheer cuteness.”
“He looks so much like both of you,” she said. She glanced at me, hesitant. “You named him for your brother?”
I nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah. We never even considered another name.” It was my turn to be hesitant then. “He…his middle name is Kyle.”
Nell sucked in a quick breath. Colt tensed but kept playing with Ben, ramming trucks together.
“Benjamin Kyle.” Nell stared at the carpeting between her crossed legs. “It’s a good name. He even kind of looks like Kyle a little bit.”
“It’s his eyes, I think. Different color, but they’re shaped kind of like Kyle’s were.”
Nell nodded. “He’s a great kid.” She obviously wasn’t sure what else to say, staring at Benny as if seeing Kyle somehow. She visibly gathered herself, pushing away the memories I could see playing in her eyes. “So, Colt and I discussed potential wedding dates.”
“Oh, god,” Colt said. “I think I’ll go help Jason.” He stood up, and Benny followed him, grabbing Colt’s thumb and walking with him.
“What is it with men?” Nell asked, laughing. “Why are they so afraid of wedding plans?”