Clearly I’m not thinking straight.
“There’s free counseling offered on campus. I can take you there,” Gina offers. “Or if you don’t want to, that’s fine too. I just thought I’d make the suggestion.”
“I’ll think about it.” I turn onto my side to face her, offering a tiny smile. “Thank you. For everything. You’ve been…incredibly understanding while I’ve been a crying, nonsensical mess.”
“You’re welcome. I know I haven’t been around much but I consider you a friend. And I take care of my friends.” She reaches out to touch my leg, giving my calf a squeeze. “Don’t let him destroy you, Lucy. He’s not worth it.”
My smile fades. She doesn’t get it. He is totally worth it. I’m the idiot who lied to him during our entire relationship. I have no one to blame but myself. He wasn’t mean, he wasn’t an asshole, he was the perfect guy. The perfect guy for me. I can’t hold it against him when he said he wasn’t ready for this. I’m not ready for this either.
I just don’t have a choice.
“You want to go grab something to eat? We can skip the mall.” She makes a face. “You’re the only girl I know who doesn’t like to shop.”
“It’s really easy to hate shopping when you don’t have any money to shop with.” I sit up, my body aching, my head pounding. “Can I take a quick shower first?” Ack, I can’t remember the last time I took one, not that I want to say that to Gina. Might freak her out.
“Of course. Go for it.” Gina leaps from the bed, a smile on her face. I think she’s excited because I’m actually getting out of bed and going to do something like a normal functioning human being.
I grab a pair of undies and a bra from my dresser and then shuffle into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I stop short and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look god-awful. My hair is complete chaos and I’m fairly certain I’ve started a couple of dreadlocks on the sides. I still have mascara smudges beneath my eyes and I haven’t put on makeup in days. When was the last time I washed my face?
Not sure.
I’m a wreck. All over a guy. I swore to myself I would never do this. I promised Mama I would be a good girl and not let a man dictate my feelings. And here I am, doing exactly that. She would be so disappointed in me.
Sighing, I push the hair away from my face, tuck it behind my ears before I brush my teeth real quick. I start up the shower so the water can get warm and then sit on the toilet to take a pee. My underwear is around my knees and I stare at it in shock when I see the bright red splotch right in the center.
My period.
I started my period.
A hysterical giggle escapes me and I clamp my hand over my mouth, muffling the sound. I have my period. There’s no baby, no unwanted pregnancy, no forever link to Gabe. I can cut ties with him for good now. It’s over. Truly over.
The tears hit fast and furious and at first, I think they’re tears of relief. But I don’t feel relief. Just…sadness. Complete and utter sadness that I no longer have any ties to Gabe whatsoever.
We’re truly officially over.
Shep answers the door, his expression grim. “Glad you’re here.”
I step inside the house when he holds the door open wider for me. “You’re the one who summoned me so ominously. Figured I better show up.”
Closing the door, Shep turns to face me. “Tristan is in the kitchen, but Jade wants to talk to you first.”
I frown, scratch the back of my neck. “Is she going to lecture me?” I know she’s pissed over what happened with Lucy. She’s on Lucy’s side and thinks I handled it badly.
She might be right, but I handled it the only way I knew how.
“No.” Shep shakes his head. “She has…information for you.”
Dread sinks my gut. “Like what?” I ask cautiously.
“She needs to be the one to tell you. She’s in our room.” He gives me a gentle shove toward the stairs. “Talk to her and then come down to the kitchen and talk to Tristan. You need to make peace with him, man. He feels like utter shit for what he said to you.”
“He should.” I stare at the stairwell, almost afraid to go up there. What is Jade going to tell me? I have no clue but I’m sure it has something to do with Lucy. Is she okay? Has she been hurt? God, did she maybe…I don’t know, have an abortion? Lose the baby?
My head is filled with nothing but negative thoughts. It’s been that way for days, since the night Lucy left my house. I’ve thought of nothing but her since. I went to our marketing class earlier this afternoon hoping against hope that she’d be there but of course, she wasn’t.
The realization hit me straight in the gut. She can’t stand to see me. I know I should be the one who’s pissed off over what happened but I can’t help but feel guilty about all of this. I shouldn’t have reacted so harshly. Maybe she tried to tell me the truth when we were in Santa Barbara and I never gave her the chance. Just ran my mouth like the asshole I am and she went along with it.
Maybe she’s embarrassed of her background and I’m such a privileged shit I didn’t understand how that feels. Because it’s true, I have no idea what it’s like to be poor and have nothing. No money, no help, just hard work and a constant struggle. I can’t wrap my head around that concept.
But I do know what it’s like to have nothing after feeling like you had…everything. No amount of money can bring Lucy back into my life. You can’t buy love. You have to earn it.