Her eyes finally leave mine, and she leaves the room. When I hear the front door close, I let out a deep breath.
As soon as I walk away from my father and Karen, I hear them start talking about me, of course.
Chapter ninety-eight
TESSA
I know what I should have done: I should have told Hardin to go away, but I couldn’t. He rarely shows emotion, and the way he was on his knees in front of me broke the pieces of my already-shattered heart into smaller bits. I told him that I’ll think about it, about giving us another try, but I don’t know how this is going to work.
I’m so conflicted right now, more confused than ever, and annoyed with myself for almost giving in to him wholesale. But on the other hand, I’m proud of myself for stopping things before they went too far. I need to think of myself here, not only him—for once.
As Landon drives, my phone buzzes in my lap and I check the screen.
It’s Zed. Are you okay?
I take a deep breath before responding. Yeah, I’m fine. I’m on my way to campus with Landon. I’m sorry about last night, it was my fault that he came there.
Hitting send, I turn my attention back to Landon. “What do you think will happen now?” he asks.
“I have no clue. I’m still talking to Christian about Seattle,” I say.
Zed writes back: No it’s not. It’s his fault. I’m glad you’re okay. Are we still on for lunch today?
I had forgotten about our plans to meet in the environmental studies building for lunch. He wanted to show me some sort of flower that glows in the dark that he helped to create.
I want to keep my plans with him—he’s been so kind to me through everything—but now that I kissed Hardin this morning, I don’t know what to do. I was just sleeping at Zed’s last night, then there I am kissing Hardin this morning. What’s happening to me? I don’t want to be that girl; I still feel some guilt over what happened with Hardin while I was still with Noah. In my defense, Hardin came in like a wrecking ball—I had no choice but to gravitate to him as he slowly destroyed me, then built me back up, then destroyed me again.
Everything that’s happening with Zed is totally different. Hardin hadn’t spoken to me in eleven days, and I had no idea why. I was left to assume he didn’t want me anymore, and Zed has always been there for me. Since the beginning he’s always been sweet. He tried to end the bet with Hardin, but Hardin wouldn’t have it—he had to prove he could bag me regardless of Zed’s protestations to stop the disgusting game.
There’s been bad blood between Hardin and Zed since I met them. I’m not sure why—because of the bet, I started assuming recently—but it’s been evident since the first time I hung out with the two of them. Hardin claims that Zed only wants to get in my pants, but honestly, that’s a little hypocritical of him to say. And Zed hasn’t done a single thing to even hint that he’s trying to sleep with me. Even before I knew about the bet and I kissed him at his apartment, he never made me feel like I had to do anything I didn’t want to.
I hate when my thoughts go back to that time. I was so clueless, and they both played me. But there’s something behind Zed’s caramel eyes that shows kindness, while behind Hardin’s green eyes all I see is anger.
Yeah. Noon’s good, I respond to Zed.
Chapter ninety-nine
TESSA
I’m not sure how I feel today. I’m not exactly happy, but not miserable either. I’m confused as hell, and I miss Hardin already. Pathetic, I know. I can’t help it. I’d been away from him so long and almost had him out of my system, but one kiss and he’s coursing through my veins again, overwhelming every last bit of sense I had left.
Landon and I wait for the crosswalk light to change, and I realize I’m really glad I wore a sweatshirt today, because the cold weather is just not letting up.
“Well, looks like it’s time to make those calls to NYU,” he says and pulls out a list of names.
“Whoa! NYU,” I say. “You would do great there. That’s incredible.”
“Thank you. I’m a little nervous that I won’t be accepted for the summer semester and I don’t want to take the summer off.”
“Are you insane? Of course they’ll accept you, for any semester! You’ve got a perfect GPA.” I laugh. “And you’ve got a chancellor for a stepfather.”
“I should have you call them for me,” he jokes.
We go our separate ways and arrange to meet in the parking lot at the end of the day.
My stomach is in knots as I approach the large environmental studies building and pull open the heavy double doors. Zed is sitting on a concrete bench in front of one of the trees in the lobby. When his eyes find me, a smile instantly takes over his face and he stands to greet me. He’s dressed in a white long-sleeved shirt and jeans, the material of his shirt so thin that I can see the swirls of ink below the fabric.
“Hey.” He smiles.
“Hey.”
“I ordered a pizza, it should be here any minute,” he tells me, and we sit back down on the bench and talk about our day so far.
After the pizza is delivered, Zed leads me back to a room full of plants that appears to be a greenhouse. Rows and rows of different types of flowers that I’ve never seen before fill the small space. Zed walks over to one of the small tables and takes a seat.
“That smells so good,” I tell him while I sit across from him.
“What, the flowers?”
“No, the pizza. Well, the flowers are okay, too.” I laugh.