He reached out to touch her face, yet then he closed his hand in a fist. "Nay, I hurt you... with that sword. I-I... killed you."
"You did no such thing!" She caressed his wet cheek. "You could never hurt me. Cruach infected you - made you see things. He made you believe you'd harmed me, but you couldn't. The Instinct wouldn't let you."
"How do I know I'm no' seeing things now?" He shook his head hard. "How do I know I'm no' still there?"
She could tell he so desperately wanted to believe. But he would have to doubt his own mind, his own memories. "You're not there. What you thought happened was nothing more than the trick of an evil god." She grasped his face. "You're here with me in Kinevane. Believe this, believe in us."
He heard her words as if from a distance, had dreamed that for hours they'd spent their lust together. Harried, aggressive sex over and over. Until this last time, when he'd made love to her.
And then had come her tears, each drop like a slap, waking him from some murky twilight.
Now Garreth couldn't distinguish what was real or illusion. For days, he'd slipped deeper into the abyss, convinced he'd murdered the only woman he'd ever loved - as she'd begged him to spare her life.
Now he was supposed to believe that Lucia was in his arms, warm and safe. She expected him to accept that the woman he wanted more than life had come here for him and was in this dark cell right now.
He yearned for it with everything in his being, wanted it so much he was probably deluding himself. "I saw your... body. How can I no' believe that was real?"
"Choose me, Garreth. Right now, choose me and believe this." She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek against his neck. He buried his face in her soft hair.
Choose her? Could he be imagining how warm she was? Imagining the exquisite scent of her hair or how she trembled against him?
If this is a dream, then I never want it to end....
He clasped her shoulders, holding her before him. "Lousha, I'll always choose you."
"G-Garreth, your eyes... they're turning golden." She gave him a watery smile. "You're really back?"
"Ah, gods, I thought I killed you." He hugged her tight to him again. "I thought I'd lost you forever." He held her for long moments, shuddering against her, rocking her in his arms. "I have to have you - canna live without you."
"I've got you back now, Scot." He felt her shuddering, too. "And Cruach's dead. He's gone forever."
Garreth barely remembered the god, had only brief flashes of memory. That was more than enough. "How? The dieumort... he destroyed it?"
She pulled back to face him. "The quiver you gave me came in handy. Of course, now we have a slight problem." When he frowned, she explained, "It's replicating the dieumort. Now I understand why the gods were so resistant to this. Annika will have to decide what to do with it."
"You should have told me about Cruach."
She curled her knees to her chest, sitting against the cold cell wall. "I was... ashamed. You saw him - he's a monster. Only Regin and Nïx knew."
He moved beside her, rubbing her arm. "How did it happen?"
"He disguised himself, becoming everything I thought I'd ever wanted. I was so young, and I believed I was in love."
A spike of jealousy burned in Garreth's gut - I want her love. She should love me!
"I wouldn't see reason. I left Valhalla with what I thought was a young man named Crom."
"Why would your parents no' help you? They're gods, right?"
"They forbade me to wed him and forced me to make a covenant that I would never see him again. Once I'd broken the covenant, they were forever unable to help me." Her eyes were stark. "Even after I was trapped with Cruach in that lair."
That had been the vilest place Garreth could ever have imagined. And for her to be a mere girl, captive to that monster? How terrified she must have been. "How did you escape him?"
"At the back of that cavern is a high cliff overlooking the ocean. I... jumped. I hit the water, mostly, but was tossed upon the r-rocks."
Jumped. Which meant she'd been driven to kill herself.
Lucia was studying his reaction. Could she tell how his rage was building? Or how badly he yearned to punish that f**k for ever laying a finger on her? Garreth's claws flared - to slash through his neck once more. Slowly....
"Garreth, your eyes are turning blue."
"Go on, Lousha."
"But - "
"Tell me!"
After a hesitation, she said, "Regin had followed me out of Valhalla - at twelve years old, she'd given up everything to go after me, because she'd sensed Cruach was evil. She rescued me from the ocean, refusing to let me die."
"She saved you?"
Lucia nodded. "For days, she dragged me across dimensions. Then she basically dropped me on Skathi's altar and commanded the goddess, 'Fix her.' Though Skathi knew she'd bestow her archery skill with the life force necessary to save me, she ultimately agreed to heal me. In return for those gifts, I had to make concessions. Just like the rest of her followers, I was to be as untouched as she was. And I was to become Cruach's jailer."
"What did he do to make you jump? You had to believe you were going to die. Lousha, what did he do to you?"
I'm losing him again, Lucia realized with dread, and just when I've gotten him back. Everything in her rebelled against burdening him with this tale. And she knew in this critical time, the pain she'd impart might drive him directly back to the solace of the beast.
"I have to know, Lousha. You canna keep secrets from me any longer!"
"I'm not saying I'll never tell you, but right now, with all that's happened - "
"I must know. Everything!"
After a hesitation, she gave him a firm nod. "Then I'll tell you everything, Scot. It was bad. I've never been more frightened. I jumped, Regin saved me, Skathi healed me. And I lived a very long time until I met this Lykae, who was everything I should fear, and yet I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anything. Though I still had to run from him, I secretly thrilled every time he chased me." Lucia knelt before him on the pallet. "Together he and I found a weapon to kill my nightmare. And together we did just that, freeing me forever and saving the world. Yet now, when all my trials are done at last, and I can finally look forward, he wants to look back."
MacRieve moved to kneel before her as well, cupping her face in his palms. "Because he feels if you were strong enough to face those trials, he should be strong enough to hear of them."