Her eyes closed. Dark shadows had bloomed under them. The attack had taken its toll. I leaned in, lowering my voice so only she could hear me, and the question came out rough, strained. “Are you hurt anywhere else…that I can’t see?”
The lashes flickered up. Confusion skittered across her expression, and then understanding crept in. Muscles in my back and neck tensed. All daimons cared about was aether—was getting their next fix—and they could be dumb in that relentless pursuit. Halfs who’d been turned into daimons were far more dangerous, but all of them could be cruel and sick.
“No,” she said quietly.
Another dose of relief hit me, and I nodded. Carefully peeling the torn material aside, the lead ball in my gut expanded, feeling like I’d taken a punch in the chest.
Josie had been tagged—tagged in the same place as her— as Alex. The coincidence was more than unnerving. It blasted through me as I wiped around the bite mark. No matter who or what you were, a daimon tag scarred. Just like she… just like Alex had carried scars all over her.
My hand shook. Rawness flowed through me. I didn’t like what I was feeling, so I latched onto the anger boiling inside me like a lit furnace. “Are you too stupid to fucking live?” She drew in a sharp breath, and I felt like a fucking ass for saying it, but it needed to be said. “What were you thinking? Going outside while I was in the shower? Am I going to need to chain you to the chair from here on out?” I tossed the bloodied towel in the bathtub. Giving her palms a cursory glance, I opened the cabinet under the sink and hit jackpot—a first aid kit. It was unlikely that she’d die from some kind of infection, but with my luck, I wasn’t willing to risk it. I yanked out a packet of disinfecting wipes.
“You’re right,” she said, surprising the hell out of me. I even stopped what I was doing, standing there holding a wadded disinfecting wipe. She glanced over at the door before her tired, bruised gaze drifted back to me, and if I thought I’d been punched in the chest before, I’d been wrong. I felt it now. “I wasn’t thinking. I couldn’t stay in the room. It was too quiet. I went…outside without thinking it through. It was a ‘too stupid to live’…kind of move.”
That shocked the shit right out of me. Kneeling down in front of Josie, I looked up at her. “This might sting a little.”
She nodded.
I pressed the alcohol wipe against her palm. She jerked but didn’t make a sound. I gently cleaning up the scratched skin. When I was finished, I rose so that we were at eye level. “I shouldn’t have said it like that earlier.” My voice was gruff, strange to my own ears. “You’re still operating like nothing has changed. That’s normal. It’s just…it’s a lesson you didn’t need to learn.” Straightening, I ignored the curious look she sent me. “I’ll get you another sweater.”
She stopped me by grabbing my arm. I looked back at her. “Thank you,” she said, letting go of my arm. “I…need a few minutes. I should clean up.”
I hesitated for a moment. Something uncanny and weird opened up in me—a need to comfort her. Obviously what she’d experienced had to have been traumatic as shit. Before I knew what I was doing, I’d taken a step toward her. An urge to gather her close and tell her everything was going to be okay rode me hard, which was bullshit. Everything would not be okay in the end. Not for me. And not for her. She was just a tool, a last resort against the Titans, just like she…like Alex had been a last resort.
And look what that had gotten Alex. Look at what that had gotten me.
I stopped before I reached her. I didn’t need to go down this road with her. As soon as she saw her mom, I was getting her ass to South Dakota, and then I was done. Turning away, I headed out and went to her bag, grabbing the first sweater I saw and handing it over. “Come out when you’re ready,” I said gruffly.
Then I closed the door behind me. Leaning against it, I swore as I shut my eyes. If I hadn’t sensed the daimons and gone out there, they would’ve kept tagging her. They would’ve kept on her until there was no aether left, just like the Titans would do if they got hold of her.
“Shit.”
Opening my eyes, I stared blindly at the room as I heard the water come on in the bathroom. What in the hell were daimons doing out here anyway? We were close to St. Louis, and there was a community of pures near the city, but still. It was strange they would be here. They wouldn’t have sensed me until they were damn near on top of the motel. Coincidence? I didn’t believe in that shit.
We needed to hit the road.
Reaching up, I stopped short of running my hand over my chest. The red streaks had begun to dry—her blood. That churning was back in my gut, twisting and whirling as I moved away from the door, stopping in front of a small, dusty mirror over a dresser.
I was still standing there when Josie came out, dressed in a new sweater, her hair in waves of blonde and brown around her face. Neither of us spoke for a long moment.
“Stay in here,” I said. “I need to…I need to clean up.”
Her gaze bounced around the room, not settling on me as she sat on the edge of the bed, chin ducked. “I’m staying.”
I stood there in the door to the bathroom for a moment, wanting to tell her…to tell her that I wished she’d never experienced what being tagged felt like, that she wouldn’t have to live with those scars, but those words wouldn’t form.
And those words would be pointless, because I was sure this wouldn’t be the last time she’d experience something I wished she hadn’t. It was only the beginning.
Chapter 14
WE WERE quiet as we got into the Porsche. We still had that remaining four-hour drive ahead of us. There was nothing that needed to be said. I’d screwed up and I could’ve died. I could’ve gotten Seth hurt. As we pulled away from the parking lot, I was glad to lose sight of the motel. I wished I could scrub the whole thing out of my head.
I quickly zoned out, beyond exhausted and still feeling the pings of residual fear darting around me like little after shocks. and I was disappointed. Utterly disappointed in myself. Seth had warned me that this world was dangerous. I believed him, but I hadn’t acted with any thought. My mind was still stuck in the world where things like daimons, gods, and Titans didn’t exist. In a world where I could walk outside and not worry about being nom-nom’d on like Toaster Strudel. That was too stupid to fucking live.