“What?” Now it’s my turn to stare. “Luke, what’s going on?”
“I’m going to drive my mother to the airport,” says Luke.
“Why? Why can’t she take a taxi?”
As the words come out of my mouth I realize I sound a bit rude — but honestly. This was supposed to be a nice family meeting. We’ve only been here about three seconds.
“There are some things I need to discuss with Luke,” says Elinor, picking up her handbag. “We can do so in the car.” She stands up and brushes an imaginary crumb off her lap. “So nice to meet you,” she says to Mum.
“You too!” exclaims Mum, leaping up in a last-ditch attempt at friendliness. “Lovely to meet you, Elinor! I’ll get your number from Becky and we can have some nice chats about what we’re going to wear! We don’t want to clash with each other, do we?”
“Indeed,” says Elinor, glancing at Mum’s shoes. “Good-bye, Rebecca.” Elinor nods at Dad. “Graham.”
“Good-bye, Elinor,” says Dad in an outwardly polite voice — but as I glance at him I can tell he’s not at all impressed. “See you later, Luke.” As they disappear through the doors, he looks at his watch. “Twelve minutes.”
“What do you mean?” says Mum.
“That’s how long she gave us.”
“Graham! I’m sure she didn’t mean…” Mum breaks off as she notices the blue “His Mum” book, still lying on the table amid the wrapping paper. “Elinor’s left her wedding planner behind!” she cries, grabbing it. “Becky, run after her.”
“Mum…” I take a deep breath. “I wouldn’t bother. I’m not sure she’s that interested.”
“I wouldn’t count on her for any help,” says Dad. He reaches for the clotted cream and piles a huge amount onto his scone.
“Oh.” Mum looks from my face to Dad’s — then slowly subsides into her seat, clutching the book. “Oh, I see.”
She takes a sip of tea, and I can see her struggling hard to think of something nice to say.
“Well… she probably just doesn’t want to interfere!” she says at last. “It’s completely understandable.”
But even she doesn’t look that convinced. God, I hate Elinor.
“Mum, let’s finish our tea,” I say. “And then why don’t we go to the sales?”
“Yes,” says Mum after a pause. “Yes, let’s do that! Now you mention it, I could do with some new gloves.” She takes a sip of tea and looks more cheerful. “And perhaps a nice bag.”
“We’ll have a lovely time,” I say, and squeeze her arm. “Just us.”
FRANTON, BINTON AND OGLEBY
Attorneys At Law
739 Third Avenue
Suit 503
New York, NY 10017
Miss Rebecca Bloomwood
251 W. 11th Street, Apt. B
New York, NY 10014
February 11, 2002
Dear Miss Bloomwood:
May we be the very first to congratulate you on your engagement to Mr. Luke Brandon, the report of which we saw in The New York Observer. This must be a very happy time for you, and we send you our wholehearted good wishes.
We are sure that at this time, you will be inundated with many unwanted, even tasteless offers. However, we offer a unique and personal service to which we would like to draw your attention.
As divorce lawyers with over 30 years’ experience between us, we know the difference a good attorney can make. Let us all hope and pray that you and Mr. Brandon never reach that painful moment. But if you do, we are specialists in the following areas:
• Contesting prenuptial agreements
• Negotiating alimony
• Obtaining court injunctions
• Uncovering information (with the help of our in-house private detective)
We do not ask that you contact us now. Simply place this letter with your other wedding memorabilia — and should the need arise you will know where we are.
Many congratulations again!
Ernest P. Franton
Associate Partner
ANGELS OF ETERNAL PEACE CEMETERY
Westchester Hills, Westchester County, New York
Miss Rebecca Bloomwood
251 W. 11th Street, Apt. B
New York, NY 10014
February 13, 2002
Dear Miss Bloomwood:
May we be the very first to congratulate you on your engagement to Mr. Luke Brandon, the report of which we saw in The New York Observer. This must be a very happy time for you, and we send you our wholehearted good wishes.
We are sure that at this time, you will be inundated with many unwanted, even tasteless offers. However, we offer a unique and personal service to which we would like to draw your attention.
A wedding gift with a difference.
What better way for your guests to show their appreciation of the love you have for each other, than by giving you adjoining cemetery plots? In the peace and tranquility of our meticulously tended gardens, you and your husband will rest together as you have lived together, for all eternity.*
A pair of plots in the prestigious Garden of Redemption is currently available at the special offer price of $6,500. Why not add it to your wedding list — and let your loved ones give you the gift that will truly last forever? **
Again, many congratulations, and may you have a long and blissful married life together.
Hank Hamburg
Director of Sales
* In case of divorce, plots can be moved to opposite sides of cemetery.
** Hamburg Family Mortuaries, Inc., reserves the right to reallocate grave space, giving 30 days’ notice in the event of redevelopment of the land (see attached terms and conditions).