Home > Shopaholic & Baby (Shopaholic #5)(58)

Shopaholic & Baby (Shopaholic #5)(58)
Author: Sophie Kinsella

“But…” I trail off, winding the wrapper tightly around my fingers. I don’t know how to explain it; I just have a bad feeling. It’s not just the texting, or the dinners. It’s not even seeing them just now. It’s something about her. It’s something in her eyes. She’s a predator.

But if I say that to the others, they’ll say I’m imagining it.

“All right,” I say at last. “I won’t do anything.”

“Let’s order,” says Suze firmly, shoving a menu at me.

“There’s a set menu,” says Jess, putting a typed sheet on top of the à la carte. “It’s more economical, if we only have two courses and don’t choose any of these ridiculous items with truffles.”

I immediately want to retort that truffles are my favorite food and who cares how much they cost? But the trouble is, I kind of agree. I’ve never got the whole thousand-pounds-for-a-truffle thing.

Oh God. Please don’t say I’m starting to agree with Jess.

“And you can help me think of how to get my own back on Lulu,” adds Suze, passing the bread basket.

“Ooh,” I say, cheering up. “How come?”

“She’s been asked to do a TV program,” Suze says with disdain. “One of those makeover shows where she goes to the house of some crap mother and tells them how to cook healthily for their children. And she’s asked me to be the first crap mother!”

“No!”

“She’s already put my name forward to the production company!” Suze’s voice rises in indignation. “They phoned me up and said was it true that I only fed my children canned food and that none of them could speak?”

“What a nerve!” I take a roll and spread some butter on it. There’s nothing like having someone else to hate, to make you forget your problems.

We have a great lunch, the three of us, and by the end of it I feel so much better. We all decide Lulu is the absolute pits. (Jess has never met Lulu, but I give her a pretty good description.) And then Jess relays her own problems. She told Tom about Chile and it didn’t go too well.

“First he thought I was joking,” she says, crumbling a roll into little bits. “Then he thought I was testing his love. So he proposed.”

“He proposed?” I say in an excited squeak.

“Obviously, I told him to stop being so ridiculous,” says Jess. “And now…we’re not really talking.” She says it in a matter-of-fact way, but I can see the sadness in her eyes. “Just one of those things.” She takes a deep gulp of wine, which is really unlike Jess. I glance at Suze, who gives me an anxious frown.

“Jess, are you sure about Chile?” I say tentatively.

“Yes.” She nods. “I have to go. I have to do this. I’ll never get this opportunity again.”

“And Tom can always come and visit you out there,” Suze points out.

“Exactly. If he would just stop listening to his mother!” Jess shakes her head in exasperation. “Janice is in total hysterics. She keeps sending me pages which she’s printed out from the Internet, saying Chile’s a dangerous, unstable country riddled with disease and land mines.”

“Is it?” I say fearfully.

“Of course not!” says Jess. “She’s talking absolute rubbish.” She takes a sip of wine. “There’s just a few land mines, that’s all. And a small cholera problem.”

A few land mines? Cholera?

“Jess, be really careful out there,” I say on impulse, and grab her hand. “We don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Yes, be careful,” chimes in Suze.

“I will.” Jess’s neck flushes pink. “I’ll be fine. Thanks, anyway.” As the waiter arrives with our coffees she withdraws her hand, looking awkward. “I. like your hair clip, Becky.”

She obviously wants to change the subject.

“Oh, thanks,” I touch it fondly. “Isn’t it fab? It’s Miu Miu. Actually, it’s part of the baby’s trust fund portfolio.”

There’s silence and I look up to see both Suze and Jess staring at me.

“Bex, how can a Miu Miu hair clip be part of a trust fund portfolio?” says Suze uncertainly.

“Because it’s an Antique of the Future!” I say with a flourish.

“What’s an Antique of the Future?” Suze looks puzzled.

Ha. You see. I am so ahead of the game!

“It’s this fab new way to invest,” I explain. “It’s easy-peasy! You just buy anything and keep the packaging, and then in fifty years you auction it and make a fortune!”

“Right,” says Suze, looking dubious. “So, what else have you bought?”

“Um…” I think. “Quite a few things from Miu Miu, actually. And some Harry Potter figures and Barbie princess dolls…and this fab bracelet from Topshop…”

“Becky, a Topshop bracelet isn’t an investment,” says Jess, looking incredulous.

She really hasn’t got the point.

“Maybe not now,” I explain patiently. “But it will be. It’ll be on the Antiques Road Show — you’ll see!”

“Bex, what’s wrong with a bank?” says Suze anxiously.

“I’m not putting the baby’s money into some crappy bank like everyone else!” I say. “I’m a financial professional, remember, Suze. This is what I do.”

“What you used to do.”

“It’s like riding a bike,” I assure her loftily. I’m not actually that great at riding a bike, but I needn’t mention that.

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