“Ethan,” Meghan whispered, and her voice trembled. And, looking into my sister’s face, my insides went cold with fear. Her expression was haggard, and she stared at me as if I were a ghost. Flickers of raw anguish glimmered behind that composed mask she wore, the guise of the Iron Queen. My memory was fuzzy, but I knew, in the back of my mind, that something terrible had happened.
Closing her eyes, Meghan took a deep breath before facing me again.
“When we found you,” she went on, her voice growing a little stronger, “you were close to death. Your blood was everywhere, and you had already stopped breathing. We did everything we could to save your life, but...” She swallowed, and I could see she was barely keeping herself from bursting into tears. “But, in the end, we lost you.”
My heart seemed to stop. I stared at her, incredulous, my mind refusing to accept the concept. “What...what do you mean?”
“Ethan...you died. For a few minutes, you were dead.”
Reeling, I slumped back against the pillow. Bits of that night came back to me, untangling from the mess of dreams and nightmares. Some of it had been real. “But I’m still here,” I reasoned out, glancing at Meghan. “I’m still alive. How?”
“I don’t know,” Meghan said. “But the healers found this on your body.”
She leaned close and handed me something that clinked in my palm. Cold metal pressed against my skin as I stared at the two pieces of copper in my hand. They fit together perfectly, forming a round, flat disk with a triangle etched into the very center.
An amulet. It had been a gift to me from...my mentor, Guro Javier, for protection against the dangers of the Nevernever. But I hadn’t always had it... My brain spun, trying to remember. I had worn it when I’d gone with Keirran to meet the Lady of the Forgotten in Ireland. And standing in the faery ring, surrounded by dozens of Forgotten, the Lady had told Keirran that the way to tear open the Veil—the magic barrier that kept normal humans from seeing the fey—was a sacrifice. A sacrifice of one whose blood tied him to all three courts, who had family in Summer, Winter and Iron. For the exiled fey to live, for the Forgotten to be remembered by humans once more, I had to die.
And then, Keirran had stabbed me. And I had died.
“My healers tell me there was powerful magic surrounding that amulet,” Meghan continued, her tone unnaturally calm. “And when you...died, it shattered. I thought I’d lost you.” Her voice shook, but she composed herself again. “But just as we stopped trying to revive you, your heart started beating. Very, very slowly, and we couldn’t wake you up, but you were alive.” She looked at the broken amulet in my palm, wonder and relief laced through her voice. “Whatever this was, it probably saved your life.”
I stared at the glittering pieces, not knowing what to feel. My emotions were so jumbled up, it was hard to focus on just one. It’s not every day your older sister informs you that you were dead, even if it was for just a few minutes. And that you had been killed, stabbed in the back, by your own family member.
Keirran.
I forced my thoughts away from my traitor nephew. “Mom and Dad?” I asked hoarsely, glancing at Meghan. “Do they know?”
A pained look crossed her face. “They’ve been told where you are,” she replied. “They know you’re with me, in the Nevernever. I told them something happened to you, and that you have to stay here for a while, for your own protection.” She took a shaky breath. “I couldn’t tell them the truth, not yet. It would’ve killed Mom. I was hoping you would wake up before I had to explain what really happened. Why I couldn’t send you home.”
And then, in that dark bedroom, with the shards of the amulet that saved my life glittering between us, Meghan broke down. The mask of the Iron Queen disappeared, and she covered her face with one hand. Her shoulders trembled, and short, quiet sobs escaped her hunched frame, as my heart and stomach twisted themselves into a painful knot. Meghan had always been the strong one; before she’d disappeared into Faery, I could always look to her for everything. True, I was just a little kid back then and worshiped the ground my older sister walked on, but whenever I was tormented by nightmares or terrors or monsters only I could see, Meghan was the one I went to. She was the one who could make me feel safe. Even now, years later, I still couldn’t stand the sight of her unhappy. After she left, I’d spent the greater part of my life resenting her, angry that she’d chosen Them over family and hating the world that had taken her away. But even through all that, I’d still missed my sister like crazy and wished she could come home.
“Hey.” Not knowing what else to do, I leaned over, ignoring the brief moment of vertigo, and took her hand. Her fingers wrapped around mine and squeezed tight, as if to convince her that I was still there. Still alive. “I’m all right,” I told her. “Meghan, it’s okay. I’m still here. I’m not going to die anytime soon.”
“No,” she whispered back. “It’s not okay. It hasn’t been for a while now.” She took a breath, trying to compose herself, though tears continued to stream through her fingers. “I’m sorry, Ethan,” she went on. “I’m so sorry. I wanted to protect you from all of this. I tried so hard to stop it, distancing myself, never visiting, keeping you and K-Keirran apart...” Her voice broke on Keirran’s name, and I felt a rush of grief, anger, guilt and despair surge between us, so strong it made my skin prickle. “I’ve kept so many secrets, hurt so many people, to keep this from happening. Now Keirran is out there, and you almost died...” She shook her head, her grip tightening almost painfully around my fingers. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again. “This is my fault. I knew this was coming. I should have kept a better eye on you both, but I never thought Keirran would... That he was capable of...”