But...if I agreed, I wasn’t just hurting Keirran. I’d be hurting Meghan, too. And that was something Keirran never got or understood; his stupidly reckless actions didn’t affect only him as he’d once believed. He wasn’t just hurting himself, he was hurting everyone who cared for him.
And, even if I was pissed at the prince, even if he deserved it, Keirran’s life wasn’t mine to trade away. That would make me just like him.
“No,” I muttered, shaking my head. “No, Keirran is a bastard but...it’s not my place. I won’t do that to him, or Meghan.”
“Very well, darling.” Leanansidhe straightened, tossing her hair back. “It’s your choice, after all. But the price for using the trod still stands. A year of his life, or a year of yours. What’s it to be?”
I sighed, pushing down the fear, the savage twisting of my insides. “One year,” I said cautiously. “Exactly one. And this will be at the end of my normal lifespan? I won’t wake up as a vegetable when I’m thirty?”
“No, my dove.” The Exile Queen shook her head with a smile. “If nothing happens to you, you will live a long, normal human life. It will simply be one year shorter than when you are supposed to die. I cannot tell you when that will be, darling. No one can tell you that.”
“Kenzie.” I looked at my girlfriend, who was watching all of this in somber silence. Her arms were crossed, but she didn’t seem angry or like she wanted to protest. She just looked grim.
I stepped close, putting my hands on her arms, lowering my voice. “If you don’t want me to do this,” I said, “I won’t. I’m willing to make the deal, but you have to be all right with it, too.” I wished I could’ve talked to my parents, but of course that wasn’t going to happen. “I don’t want to be like Keirran,” I said to her bewildered look. “Making bargains and promises without thinking of anyone else. And you...are the most important person in my life now, so...” I trailed off, as Kenzie’s eyes glimmered. “I want to be sure you’re okay with this,” I went on. “If you’re not, it’s all right. We’ll find another way—”
“Ethan.” Kenzie put a hand on my chest. Her eyes were still bright as she gazed up at me. “I’m not exactly okay with this, but...I’m certainly not one to tell you anything about making bargains with the fey. It would be super hypocritical of me to stop you now, even though I want to have you around as long as I can. But I know that’s not possible.” She held on to her smile even as a lump rose to my throat. “No one can live your life but you, and this is your choice, tough guy. Whatever you decide, you’ll always have my support.” She leaned up and kissed the corner of my mouth. “As long as you don’t get yourself turned into a hamster or something,” she whispered as she pulled back. “Then I might protest a little.”
“Kissy,” buzzed Razor from under her hair.
“Oh, please, turn him into a hamster already,” Grimalkin remarked from the piano. I ignored them all and kissed her.
Leanansidhe was waiting patiently as I drew back, though Kenzie slipped her fingers through mine and held on, refusing to leave my side. There was a faint smile on the Exile Queen’s face as she watched us. “Have you decided, then, darling?”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I husked out, willing my heart to calm down. “I’m willing. I agree.”
“One year of your life, forfeit to me, whenever that time may come.” Leanansidhe raised a slender hand before I could answer. “Last chance to back out, darling. Once you commit, it is permanent. Your next words will decide this bargain, so be very sure. In exchange for use of the trod that will take you close to the Deep Wyld, you will agree to give up one year of your life to me. Yes or no?”
Kenzie squeezed my hand. I swallowed hard, took a deep breath and answered, “Yes.”
I braced myself, but I wasn’t prepared for what felt like a fist of ice plunging into my chest, grabbing something vital and ripping it out again. I gave a breathless cry and would have fallen, but Kenzie grabbed my arm, planting her feet as she took all my weight, keeping me upright.
Panting, I caught myself and gave her a grateful look as I straightened. Leanansidhe hadn’t moved, though her eyes were closed and her hair fluttered and writhed as if caught in a strong wind.
“You okay, tough guy?” Kenzie whispered.
“Yeah,” I gritted out, as the pain faded and my muscles finally loosened. For a second, I felt the gaping hole somewhere deep inside, before I sucked in a breath, and it filled once more. “I’m all right. Thanks.”
Leanansidhe opened her eyes and beamed. “Splendid, darling!” she announced, and it could’ve been my imagination, but she seemed brighter, more vibrant and alive. I wondered if I looked any different to the fey around me, if they could sense something wasn’t quite right. That I wasn’t completely whole.
It didn’t matter, I told myself. It was one year, and nobody knew when they were going to die. I could give up a year if it meant saving my family, my friends and the rest of this crazy world. Whatever happened, whatever the future brought, I would just make the most of the time that I had. Kenzie had taught me that.
Though a few short months ago, I would never have made this kind of bargain. Before Kenzie and Keirran crashed into my life, before the Forgoten and the Lady, before the Nevernever chose me as its human champion, I hadn’t wanted anything to do with the fey. I’d barely wanted anything to do with my immortal family. Everything was different now. I was willing to give up a lot more, even my own life, to save everything I’d once despised.