She looked up, and Father Berrendo was standing there. When she finished, he led her into his office behind the vestry.
"I don't know what to do, Father. I don't believe in anything anymore. I've lost faith." Her voice was filled with despair.
"Did you have faith when you were a young girl?"
"Yes. Very much."
"Then you still have it, my child. Faith is real and permanent. It is everything else that is transient."
They talked that day for hours.
When Teresa returned to the hotel late in the afternoon, her father said, "I must get back to eze. Are you ready to leave?"
"No, Papa. Let me stay here for a while."
He hesitated. "Will you be all right?"
"Yes, Father. I promise."
Teresa and Father Berrendo met every day after that. The priest's heart went out to Teresa. He saw in her not a fat, unattractive woman, but a beautiful, unhappy spirit. They spoke of God and creation and the meaning of life, and slowly, almost in spite of herself, Teresa began to find comfort again. Something that Father Berrendo said one day triggered a deep response in her.
"My child, if you do not believe in this world, then believe in the next world. Believe in the world where Jesus is waiting to receive you."
And for the first time since the day that was supposed to have been her wedding day, Teresa began to feel at peace again. The church had become her haven, just as it had once been. But there was her future to think about.
"I have no place to go."
"You could return home."
"No. I could never go back there. I could never face Raoul again. I don't know what to do. I want to hide, and there is no place to hide."
Father Berrendo was silent for a long time. Finally he spoke. "You could stay here."
She looked around the office, puzzled. "Here?"
"The Cistercian convent is nearby." He leaned forward. "Let me tell you about it. It is a world inside a world, where everyone is dedicated to God. It is a place of peace and serenity."
And Teresa's heart began to lift. "It sounds wonderful."
"I must caution you. It is one of the strictest orders in the world. Those who are admitted take a vow of chastity, silence, and obedience. No one who enters there ever leaves."
The words sent a thrill through Teresa. "I will never want to leave. It is what I have been searching for, Father. I despise the world I live in."
But Father Berrendo was still concerned. He knew that Teresa would be facing a life totally different from anything she had ever experienced.
"There can be no turning back."
"I won't turn back."
Early the next day, Father Berrendo took Teresa to the convent to meet the Reverend Mother Betina. He left the two of them there to talk.
The moment Teresa entered the convent, she knew. At last, she thought exultantly. At last
After the meeting she eagerly telephoned her mother and father.
"I've been so worried," her mother said. "When are you coming home?"
"I am home."
The bishop of avila performed the rite:
"Creator, Lord, send thy benediction upon thy handmaid that she shall be fortified with celestial virtue, that she may maintain complete faith and unbroken fidelity."
Teresa responded, "The kingdom of this world and all secular adornings I have despised for the love of our Lord, Jesus Christ."
The bishop made the sign of the cross over her.
"De largitatis tuae fonte defluxit ut cum honorem nuptiarum nulla interdicta minuissent ac super sanctum conjugium nuptialis benedictio permanent existerent conubium, concupiscerent sacramentum, nec imitarentur quod nuptiis agitur, sed diligerent quod nuptiis praenotatur. Amen."
"Amen."
"I espouse thee to Jesus Christ, the son of the Supreme Father. Therefore receive the seal of the Holy Ghost, so that thou be called the spouse of God, and if thou serve him faithfully, be crowned everlastingly." The bishop rose. "God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, who hath vouchsafed to choose you to an espousalship like that of the blessed Mary, mother of our Lord, Jesus Christ - ad beatae Mariae, matris Domini nostri, Jesu Christi, consortium - hallow you, that in the presence of God and of His angels, you may persevere, untouched and undefiled, and hold to your purpose, love, chastity, and keep patience that you may merit to receive the crown of His blessing, through the same Christ our Lord. God make you strong when frail, strengthen you when weak, relieve and govern your mind with piety, and direct your ways. Amen."
Now, thirty years later, lying in the woods watching the sun come up over the horizon, Sister Teresa thought: I came to the convent for all the wrong reasons I was not running to God. I was running away from the world. But God read my heart.
She was sixty years old, and the last thirty years of her life had been the happiest she had ever known. Now she had suddenly been flung back into the world she had run away from. And her mind was playing strange tricks on her.
She was no longer sure what was real and what was unreal. The past and the present seemed to be blending together in a strange, dizzying blur. Why is this happening to me? What does God have planned for me?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
For Sister Megan, the journey was an adventure. She had gotten used to the new sights and sounds that surrounded her, and the speed with which she had adapted surprised her.
She found her companions fascinating. Amparo Jiron was a powerful woman, easily able to keep up with the two men, and yet at the same time she was very feminine.
Felix Carpio, the husky man with a reddish beard and a scar, seemed amiable and pleasant.