What I did care about was why she died. Or how she might have died, because it was still possible that she’d really just fallen. However, there was also a very good chance she’d been pushed. Silenced before she could lead authorities to the Vilanakis family. To Reeve’s family.
No. I didn’t know that for sure. But I would have bet money that if I called Joe and told him to look for Reeve’s mother as Elena Vilanakis instead of Elena Kaya, he’d find something.
Then he’d tell me to get the hell away from Reeve. He’d tell me again that searching for Amber was a lost cause. He’d tell me he’d do what he could, but it wouldn’t be much considering whom we were dealing with.
I closed my eyes and tapped my head on the steering wheel. “Dammit, Amber,” I said out loud, talking directly to her for the first time in weeks. “What the hell did you get yourself into?”
Seeing no other options, I gritted my teeth and pulled my burner phone from under the driver’s seat where I kept it. I hit dial on the only contact that was programmed.
“What’s up, Em?” There was concern laced in Joe’s voice. It made me paranoid for a second. Made me feel like he knew where I’d been and what I was doing.
But then I realized he was probably only anxious because I never called him. “Not much,” I said with as much cheer as I could muster. “Just…” God, Chris was going to kill me. Well, he’d never know. “I want to pull the investigation. Can I do that?”
I’d still keep looking for Amber, but I couldn’t lead Joe or Chris to the same possible fate as Missy. It wasn’t fair to risk so many innocent people. As for myself… I hadn’t really been innocent since I’d first joined her and Rob in the bedroom. And she’d walked into the fire for me. She deserved my reciprocation.
Joe was silent a beat. “Why?”
I knew he’d ask, and it still caught me off guard. “Because I finally realize it’s a waste of time and money.” Please, let that sound honest.
“Did Sallis threaten you?”
“No!” That was the last thing I wanted Joe thinking, especially since it wasn’t true. I had to be more convincing. “Reeve isn’t a threat at all, Joe. In fact, the more I’ve gotten to know him, the more I see he didn’t do anything. The rumors about him are exactly that – rumors. He’s all bark and no bite. If Amber’s still in trouble, it’s with Vilanakis and not Reeve. And I’m not getting mixed up with the mob.” It was basically all of his previous points regurgitated. I couldn’t get more convincing than that.
But he still didn’t buy it. “This is fishy, Emily.”
I leaned back against the headrest and stared out the front window. “I know it sounds fishy. It’s not. Things are going really well and my relationship with Reeve is now more important than this investigation. I don’t want to mess it up.” My voice cracked on the last line as I realized it was actually true. Yes, I was more fearful than I’d been before about my involvement with him, but mostly because I couldn’t bear to give him a reason to leave me.
Jesus, I was fucked up. I pinched at the corners of my eyes. “Sorry. I’m really feeling guilty about going behind his back.”
“I can see how you’d feel that way,” Joe admitted. “You’re sure he’s safe?”
“He’s very safe. A kitten in lion’s clothing.” More lies, but it didn’t feel as far from the truth as it could have. As scary as he’d made himself out to be, he hadn’t ever hurt me.
Funny, how I could still comfort myself so easily. My gut knew it was false security and a little voice inside my head repeated the words I’d said to Chris earlier. “It’s hard to see when you’re in it.”
“All right.” Joe still sounded hesitant. “If you swear that —”
“I do. I swear. You can send the final bill to my accountant and I’ll get you paid.” I wanted to be done with the conversation. Even if he wasn’t convinced, he wasn’t going to keep up his digging if he wasn’t getting any more checks.
“I’ll do that.”
“And, Joe, I appreciate all you’ve done. Thank you.” I took another shuddering breath, afraid the real crying would start any moment.
I was about to hang up when I remembered. “I’m tossing this burner phone now. Is that good?”
“In a Dumpster some place you never go. Erase all your texts and history first.”
“Got it.”
The call ended and I gave myself exactly one minute to let the tears fall. I didn’t even know why I was crying exactly. Because I was afraid for Joe and Chris? For Amber? For myself?
More likely because I was alone in my search now.
As it should be, I told myself. No matter what men had come and gone in our lives, it had always really only been Amber and me. It was almost wrong to have involved anyone else.
I moved the car out of park, intending to drive behind the drugstore to throw the phone in the bins there. But a black car a few rows down started up at the same time and even though it left the lot ahead of me, I was suddenly paranoid. Because I was almost sure that car had followed me in the lot to begin with.
I waited to toss it until I found a car wash Dumpster a few miles away, when I was certain I hadn’t been followed. Then I drove home.
When I got there, I found Reeve waiting for me on my front porch, sitting in the same chair he had when he’d shown up the first time, dressed in a suit, as he had been that day. I smiled as I came up the walk. It wasn’t even forced. He did that to me, sick and sad as it was. He made me happy. He made me want to be transparent instead of hidden.