“I…I’m not,” she managed. “It must just be the hormones. Does it say anything about that in your little book?”
“There can be mood swings, yes,” he said slowly, dropping his hold on her. Was that…disappointment in his voice? It made her want to tell him that hell yeah she was jealous. Because she was. It was stupid…but she was. “But is there something else bothering you? It seemed like you were upset.”
She backed away from him, needing the distance. Should she take a chance and tell him she was starting to think about wanting more from him? Tell him she wanted to maybe try? The mere thought of opening herself up like that was terrifying. “Y-Yes.”
“Okay.” He waited, and when she didn’t speak he motioned her onward with his hand. “…and it is?”
“I’m…” Nope. Not ready. “I’m tired,” she blurted out, skirting away from him. “I need to go to bed now.”
“So go to sleep. I’ll be fine on my own,” he said. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
She wiped her hands on her jeans and stepped closer. “Are you sure this whole living together thing is going to work out?”
“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” He shrugged and walked to the couch. “You’re worrying too much. The hard part’s done. Now we just have to raise a baby.”
She snorted. “Right. Of course.”
“I’ve heard it’s quite simple.”
This time she laughed. She couldn’t help it. “Like raising a plant. Feed it and water it.”
He rested his arm over the back of the couch and looked at her seriously. If not for the dancing light in his eyes, the effect would have worked. “Should we be worried that I’ve killed every single plant I’ve ever touched?”
“Nah. How hard can it be?”
He chuckled. “Now you’re talking.”
She forced a smile. “Well, I’m going to go to bed now. Alone.”
“Yeah. I figured.” He gave her an odd look. “Good night.”
“Night,” she mumbled, climbing the stairs to her lonely bed.
“Wait a second,” he called out. She froze mid-step and waited. “Why did you let me move in?”
She turned around, surprised to find him directly behind her. When had he moved? “What?”
He stepped even closer, filling her senses with his nearness. “Why did you let me come here?”
“Because you said it would be best for Chris.”
“Bullshit.” He leaned closer, his eyes locked on hers. “If you didn’t want me here, I wouldn’t be here. So what’s the real reason?”
She flinched. He was right. That was a cop-out answer. She should have known it wouldn’t work on him. “Honestly?” Her breath caught in her throat, and something about the way he looked at her compelled her to honesty for once. She couldn’t give some lighthearted, teasing answer. Only the complete truth would do. He deserved it. “Because you’re my friend. I care about you. You…you’re part of my life.”
Satisfaction crossed his features and he stepped back, dropping his hand back to his side. “Quite the pair we are, huh? Can’t stay away from each other.”
Why should we?
It was on the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it back. She needed more time to think about what she wanted. Nothing good came out of impulsive behavior. Just look at what happened a few months ago.
She covered her belly with her hand. No, that wasn’t fair. She couldn’t call her baby something “not good.” She might not have been expecting a child, but she didn’t regret it, either. She already loved the baby. How could something so precious be a mistake?
She swallowed and forced a smile to her face. “Yeah, we’re pretty messed up.”
“At least we get to be messed up together,” he breathed, stepping around her to climb the stairs. “I’m going to go shower and hit the rack.”
“’Night.”
“Good night,” he called over his shoulder.
She closed her eyes and imagined herself following him up the stairs. In her fantasy, they went into the same room. They joked while he showered and they brushed their teeth. Then? They curled up in bed together and he held her throughout the night. Kept her safe.
The door to his bedroom shut, and she sighed.
Then she climbed the stairs to her empty bed in her lonely room. It looked too big for one person. She wished he would stop leaving her alone. Wished he would press her harder until she finally caved and let him in. But more importantly? She wished she wasn’t so scared to take that step herself.
She curled up on the bed, hugging her pillow tight to her chest. It was going to be one hell of a long, sleepless night.
Chapter Nine
A week later, Garrett cranked the Allen wrench harder, sweat pouring down his face and stinging his eyes. Earlier tonight, he’d been digging around in the spare bedroom and had found a white crib, still in the box, shoved in the back of the closet. He, like the genius he was, decided it would be a good idea to put it together to surprise Kiersten. At ten o’clock at night.
Yeah. Fucking genius.
He blinked a few times, wincing at the blurring of his vision. Shit, he was having a hard enough time putting this damn crib together as it was. Now, he couldn’t even see.
Maybe he should have followed his instincts and ignored the damn thing. Kiersten would probably get mad at him for putting it together without her and their tenuous peace would be ruined—all because he’d been the fool who decided to try to build a crib.
He flung the Allen wrench to the floor and picked up his discarded shirt. Swiping it over his eyes, he leaned against the wall and took a swig of water. Who would have thought it would be so hard to do? Hell, he’d built a damned deck in half the time it was taking him to do this. There was something seriously wrong with that.
Maybe he was in over his head, in more ways than one. Kiersten kept pushing him away. He was starting to worry that he’d made a mistake in insisting he move in. It had only been a short time, but already he felt out of place and out of sanctuary. The guys at work were constantly asking him questions he couldn’t answer.
When were they getting married?
When was the baby due?
What was the baby’s name going to be?
What did Mike say?
He didn’t know, damn it. Didn’t know a single thing except that he was here—and he wasn’t going anywhere. He used to go home to lick his wounds after a rough day at the school. Now, he came home to a family.