“My ex cheated too,” I tell him. “And it was hard. I mean, it makes you re-examine everything about your life. But I’m better for it, too.”
He’s staring at me with an expression of total shock.
“Who in their right mind would cheat on you?” he asks candidly.
“That’s exactly what I was just thinking about you!” I admit. “I guess our exes were just insane. So, here’s to crazy.” I clink my glass to his.
He smiles. “Well, crazy does have some benefits,” he says. “If they hadn’t lost their minds, we’d still be attached to them right?”
Yep, I think. And I wouldn’t be sitting here with you, practically drooling.
Okay. I’ve got to put an end to these kinds of thoughts. He’s my boss. I can’t get involved with him. But I can’t seem to convince my brain to stop thinking about him.
So I do the only thing I can think of to stop the madness…the only thing that might quell the insatiable need I have to act like an idiot around him.
I admit my infatuation to him.
Yes, I’m probably crazy. But I’ve known that for a while now.
“So, I’m improving myself too,” I tell him, filling up our wine glasses yet again. “And one of the things that I’m doing is that I’m being completely honest about everything in my life. It takes too much energy to play games- and life is too short. So, I’m struggling with something here and I just want you to know about it. Because maybe that will help.”
Alex stares at me in concern. “I’ll help you in any way that I can, Alli.”
“Okay, looking at me so sweetly is not helping,” I announce. Since we’re on my patio and into our third glass of wine, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that he’s my boss.
“I’m not following you,” Alex tells me uncertainly. “Have I offended you? I thought you said that you aren’t easily offended.”
“No, of course not,” I tell him, sucking in a breath. “I’m not offended. I’m attracted to you. That’s why I’m been acting like a bumbling idiot, I guess. You intimidate me and I’m attracted to you. And I don’t agree with dating in the workplace because it makes things too awkward, so I’m sort of at a loss.”
Now he’s staring at me silently. And he looks a little shell-shocked, so I rush to apologize.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I crossed the line, didn’t I?” I ask anxiously, my heart starting to pound. The last thing I need is to get fired for inappropriate behavior. Can this be considered inappropriate since it’s in my own house? My thoughts race and my cheeks flush.
And then Alex smiles.
“That’s a relief, actually. Because I’m attracted to you, too. And you intimidate me, as well. And I agree with not dating in the workplace.”
This is so not what I expected.
I stare at him blankly, at a loss for what to say.
“And it’s refreshing to talk to a woman who is so honest. I think that makes me even more intimidated, though.”
Alex smiles again, and I swear to god—his teeth are so white! Is that even natural??
I’m still dumbfounded and Alex prompts me.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“I need more wine,” I stammer, reaching for my glass. I take a sip. And look at him again. “You’re intimidated by me? Why?”
He shrugs, all handsome and elegant and refined. “I don’t know. I just am. I’ve gotten over it a little now, though. I think it was the whole vacuuming my crotch in front of you thing.”
I flush again.
How can one woman manage to be one-hundred different kinds of idiotic?
“I don’t know how that happened,” I tell him again. “I really don’t. Like I said, I’ve turned into a bumbling idiot around you. I feel like a freaking teenager.”
He leans toward me conspiratorially. “I kind of do, too,” he admits. “But we work together. And we’re adults. We can handle it, right?”
I nod automatically. “Of course. I just thought it was fair to tell you why I seem to be acting so strangely. It feels sort of good to take the bull by the balls and just deal with a situation, rather than pu**y-foot around.”
Alex sighs. “It doesn’t help when you use the words ‘balls’ and ‘pussy’ in the same sentence, Alli.” He laughs now and I have to laugh too.
“This is the strangest conversation that I’ve ever had with a boss,” I tell him. “But then, I’ve never had a crush on a boss before, so this is new territory. I feel sort of like I’m at tea with the Mad Hatter right now.”
“Well, I might be the Mad Hatter, but at least I have underwear on,” Alex deadpans.
“I have underwear on!” I announce. “I usually have underwear on. I just didn’t that particular day for a very particular reason that I don’t want to get into right now. And I think we should change the subject before I combust.”
Alex grins.
“Agreed. Okay…how about kids? I saw a picture of your daughter. She’s beautiful and looks like she could be your sister. Is she your only child?”
I nod. “Yes. Sophie. She’s fifteen and my only. She’s a great kid. She should probably be getting home from Cheerleading any time now, actually. How about you?”
“I just have one, as well. One son. He’s twenty-three and apparently, he’s still figuring his life out but he’s a great kid too. He’ll get it someday, I’m sure.”
And then my doorbell rings. I can hear it through the screen of my patio doors.
“Dinner is served!” I announce with a smile. We take our glasses and return to the house. We eat our food curled up in the living room while we make some more small talk. And honestly, for once, I think I did something right. Telling Alex about my infatuation with him seemed to take some of the power away from it. I’m not nearly so intimated now.
Alex is interesting and engaging. And when the tow–truck arrives and he has to leave, I find that I am disappointed. And that is startling.