So maybe he still wasn’t totally okay with it. But it was the way it was. And he had never told his mother the truth. At eighteen it hadn’t seemed like a conversation he’d wanted to have with her, and in the meantime, it had just never come up.
Eve, the only one who knew the truth, had heard their mother and she shot him a look of sympathy. “Elec’s too smart to have any rug rats.”
“Good plan,” Evan told him. “I’m not having kids either. Too much crying and drooling and crapping.”
Their mother swatted Evan on the arm. “Those are not good reasons not to have children.
What if I had said I wasn’t going to have you because you were going to fill your diaper one too many times?”
Elec laughed as Evan made a face.
Then their mother went for the jugular. “I’ve gotten so much joy from the three of you that I would have changed a thousand more diapers to have you in my life.”
His brother put up his hand. “Alright, point made. But I guess I’m saying I’m not ready for kids right now, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.”
Elec wondered if he would feel the same way if he knew that he could have kids. While he’d always loved kids, chances were he would have wanted to wait until thirty or so himself if his boys could still swim. Strange that knowing he couldn’t have offspring ever made him ache for them earlier than he probably would have.
It wasn’t often that he allowed himself a bit of melancholy over the stupidity that had landed him in his current position but at the moment he felt washed in it. What the hell had he known at eighteen about the consequences of sex? He’d been excited and enthusiastic and the girl he’d been seeing had assured him she was on the pill. That had seemed like a huge bonus—not only did he get to dip his toe in the water, he got to do it without a condom. Only he had not been her first partner and she had been completely unaware that she had a common STD, which got passed right along to him. When he’d been told he’d had it a year later, he had been shocked to learn that 50 percent of sexually active adults who had STDs didn’t even know it. The one he’d gotten had been easily cleared up with a course of antibiotics and could never return without additional exposure, but since he’d had it for a year without realizing it, the result was sterility, rare, but possible.
Maybe he should have told Evan and his parents, but how exactly did you go about explaining that? It had been stupid and pointless, and while he’d learned his lesson and never went without a condom now, it was still a hell of a price to pay.
Which was why he had been dating women like Crystal, casual, no strings attached. They didn’t want children, but ultimately it seemed every one of them wanted fame and money more than they actually wanted him, and it had left him feeling incredibly empty.
Then he’d met Tamara.
And he was going to drop by her place and cheer her up, showing her that he understood what she was going through raising her kids on her own, and that he wanted more than just a casual hookup. He wanted a real relationship.
TAMARA wondered how it was that six o’clock had arrived and she still wasn’t dressed.
But somehow between loads of laundry trying to combat all the dirty sheets, towels, and pajamas, entertaining the troops with card games and movies, and trying to find something that Petey would eat, she had never managed a shower. Her hair was back in a ponytail, her skin felt like she’d slathered Crisco on it since she hadn’t cleansed it and had been running around all day in the house, and she was still wearing her Tinker Bell pajama pants with a pink T-shirt, sans bra. At least she could say she had brushed her teeth. That had to count for something.
Eating a piece of bread with peanut butter slathered on it, Tamara was debating stripping Hunter out of her sweat-soaked pajamas yet more one time and ruing the day she had passed on the varicella vaccine for her kids, when the doorbell rang.
Fabulous.
Licking crumbs off her bottom lip, Tamara went through the family room to the front door.
“Doorbell’s ringing,” Petey said, stating the obvious as kids so often did.
“Thanks, I’ve got it.”
Tamara hoped it was a package being delivered, though she hadn’t ordered anything. But she didn’t really want to face anyone. A check through the peephole had her rubbing her shiny nose on her sleeve and trying to stick stray hairs back in her ponytail.
Oh, Lord, it was Elec.
What the hell was he doing standing on her front porch?
And could she look any worse?
She debated not answering, but he’d have to be a moron to believe she wasn’t at home, and she just couldn’t be that rude.
Plus, he had a bag in his hands, and she was curious as to why he was there.
So she tugged at her T-shirt to make sure it wasn’t clinging too much to her br**sts, and opened the door. “Elec. Hi.”
He smiled. “Hey, Tamara. Are you hanging in there?”
She was hanging on the door, is what she was, hoping somehow he wouldn’t notice she looked like she’d been rode hard and put away wet. “I’m okay. How are you?”
“Good, even though I was disappointed we couldn’t go to dinner. So I got to thinking, maybe you could use some company. And some good food.” He lifted the bag.
It took her a second to process what he was saying. He had brought her dinner? Real food?
Her stomach growled, clearly not impressed with the peanut butter and bread.
“My mom said that it’s tough to be stuck in the house with sick kids, especially the chicken pox because they’re well enough to complain, but too sick to go to school.”
That was true. But he had discussed her with his mother? That set a certain amount of panic off in her. “Wow, that’s very thoughtful of you.” But broke every single rule about how they were supposed to be seeing each other.
It was a secret, damn it. They were supposed to get together privately, talk, laugh, have great sex. Not discuss each other with their parents or hang out all cozy-like with her kids.
It crossed all sorts of boundaries that she wasn’t prepared to cross. Apparently she hadn’t made that clear enough to Elec because he was standing there smiling at her with dinner and adult conversation she sorely needed, yet really, really shouldn’t accept.
“Who’s at the door?” Petey yelled from the family room.
“A friend,” she called back, anxiety creeping over her. This was a bad idea.
“Can I come in?” Elec asked.