“I hate him!” Ethan roared, nearly at the top of his lungs. “I fucking hate him. He stole so much from me. He ruined my life. He ruined Gavin’s life.”
And just like that, Sawyer grabbed Ethan and pulled him close, his arms closing around him in a tight hold that had Ethan’s world nearly crashing in on him. He didn’t want to cry. He hadn’t cried since the day he found Gavin. He swore he would never get to that point again. He pushed everything away, fought the urge to care for anyone and yet, look at him. He was a fucking mess.
Pulling away from Sawyer, he ran a hand over his face roughly. “I’m sorry I put you in that position.”
“You didn’t put me in any position,” Sawyer argued, a hint of disappointment in his voice. “E, I’m fucking thankful every single day that you called me. I don’t know why you chose me, but I thank God that I was able to get to you. That’s all that matters.”
“I should’ve been stronger, should’ve been able to fight Jimmy off. Should’ve been able to save Gavin.” The last statement came out without his permission and Ethan abruptly turned, heading for the door.
He had to get out of there. Needed air. Needed… fucking hell. He needed Beau. He just wanted to fall into Beau’s arms and be held for the rest of his natural life. It was the only time he felt safe, protected.
“Ethan,” Sawyer said gruffly, making him stop midstride.
He didn’t turn to face his brother. He couldn’t.
“No one could’ve saved Gavin. What he went through was probably hell on earth. If his brother was even half as brutal with him as he had been with you, Gavin had been looking for an escape. Unfortunately, the path he chose was beyond your control.”
Turning abruptly, he threw his arms up in the air in a signal of defeat. “How? How could he do that? He took his own life! And he took mine right along with him.”
Ethan couldn’t believe the words were coming out of his mouth. He’d kept it inside for all these years, and suddenly he was smothering his brother with all kinds of questions that he knew he couldn’t possibly answer.
“I don’t know, E. I wish I could make it all better for you, but that isn’t an option. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to talk to someone. You need to reach out to someone who can help you get the answers that you need. But I’m not talking about me, or Mom and Dad, or even Beau. A professional, E.”
Was Sawyer actually saying he needed professional help? Ethan wanted to be exasperated, but his heart actually began to settle. Was there seriously someone who understood what he was going through?
Sawyer moved closer. “Look at me, E.”
Ethan met Sawyer’s intent gaze.
“Nothing will bring Gavin back. Nothing. Hold up,” Sawyer said when Ethan lifted his hand, preparing for a response. “Listen to me.”
Ethan nodded. It wasn’t like he had much of a choice.
“We can’t bring Gavin back, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do something. Jimmy has gone unpunished all these years. If he did that to you, I hate to think what else he might’ve done. I won’t be the one to punish him, although God knows I want to. But that doesn’t mean I will sit quietly and watch. Mom and Dad taught us to stand up for what we believe in. It’s time we stand up, E.”
Ethan’s back straightened.
“Karma is a vindictive bitch. Jimmy will get his. And I assure you, it won’t be from me. One day, he’ll meet his match, and he won’t win. Until that day comes, we have to stand up for what is right, protect those who need it and hiding who you are isn’t going to help.”
“I’m not…” Fuck. Ethan couldn’t even finish the sentence.
He was hiding. He’d been hiding from everyone, including himself, for nine long years. “What if Jimmy goes after the people I care about?”
Sawyer didn’t answer the question right away, just stared back at him for long seconds. Ethan wanted an answer, needed someone to reassure him that his family wouldn’t be put through hell; that they wouldn’t have to endure the wrath of those who felt Ethan was an abomination. And he wanted someone to guarantee him that Beau would never be hurt.
Before he could pelt more questions at Sawyer, there was a knock at the door.
Shit. And now he had interrupted Sawyer’s night.
“I gotta go,” Ethan said abruptly, turning toward the door. Pulling it open, Ethan nearly ran face first into Beau.
The sudden sight of him had all of the emotion bubbling up again, making it painful to swallow.
“Hey,” Beau said, taking Ethan’s arm gently, keeping him on his feet.