“What’s up?” Ethan knew Gavin had something on his mind, but for the life of him he had no idea what it was. Unless of course Gavin was trying to find a way to share how he was feeling. Ethan had been trying to come up with the words, or even put them into actions for the last few days, but every time he thought he was ready to cross that line, he choked, unable to process any of his thoughts into either.
Gavin glanced around again and finally met Ethan’s gaze. His beautiful green eyes were so bright, so clear, Ethan wondered if he could see right through them into Gavin’s mind. If he could, he damn sure wished he could figure out what the guy was thinking.
“So, uh…” Gavin’s words died off and Ethan found himself waiting on pins and needles to hear what he had to say.
When several minutes passed, Ethan knew he would have to be the one to do the talking. After all, he usually was. “Is something wrong?”
“Yeah, actually, there is.”
“And that would be?” Ethan asked, smiling. He loved talking to Gavin, especially when he seemed to be choked up on his own emotions.
Like after the first time, when Ethan had been lodged to the hilt inside of Gavin’s sweet body, he could’ve sworn Gavin had said the three words he’d been hoping to hear. But, afterward, when Ethan held Gavin close to him, he had started to wonder if he’d dreamed it.
“Look,” Gavin began, staring down at this hands as he squeezed them together. “What happened…”
Again Gavin let the sentence drop and Ethan bit his bottom lip to keep from asking more questions. Without saying anything, he chose to relocate himself to the spot beside Gavin, reaching for his hand as he did.
That’s when Gavin jerked away, pushing to his feet and putting several steps between them.
“Look, Ethan, I… I think you got the wrong idea about me.”
Ethan lifted a brow and stared back at him. “Is that right?”
Despite his confusion, Ethan’s heart began to thump painfully hard in his chest. He could feel the letdown that was coming, knew Gavin was about to lie to him for whatever reason, but for the life of him, he couldn’t stop it from happening.
“I didn’t want to be with you… like that.”
Gavin’s words were like a karate chop to the throat, cutting off Ethan’s air. “Like what?” he asked, the words coming out as a raspy whisper.
“You know,” Gavin said quietly.
“No, I don’t know. Tell me.” Ethan pushed to his feet, hating the way his chest felt as though it were caving in.
“I’m not gay,” Gavin said, his words determined, his eyes finally meeting Ethan’s for the first time since they’d made their way down to the water.
“You’re not gay?” So, yes, that was a stupid question, but Ethan asked it anyway. Surely his ears were playing tricks on him.
“No.”
“So, the times we made love –”
“Don’t call it that!” Gavin exclaimed, his green eyes darkening.
“What would you prefer I call it?” Ethan asked, his own anger gripping him by the throat.
“A mistake.”
Ethan swallowed hard, an effort to keep his heart from trying to escape through his throat. How could Gavin stand there and say that after what they had shared?
“Gavin, I know you’re scared. I am too,” Ethan said, taking a step closer, but stopping as soon as Gavin took one step back.
“I’m not scared. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. I’m not…” Gavin swallowed hard and glanced around again. “I didn’t want that to happen between us. You shouldn’t have made me.”
Ethan stumbled back a step. If he thought he was short of breath before, now he was on the verge of suffocation.
“What? How can you say that?” Ethan asked defensively, trying to swallow past the ball of emotion that had lodged in his throat. “I didn’t make you do anything. We made love, Gavin.”
Ethan watched as Gavin shook his head and then his eyes landed on something behind Ethan.
Without thinking, he turned to see what it was, and that’s when Ethan’s world was forever changed.
“Hey.”
The voice pulled Ethan from his memory, and he glanced over to see Braydon standing beside him. A sigh of relief escaped because reality had found a way to intervene with the past. He rapidly chugged his beer, hoping Braydon didn’t start asking questions and praying that his brother didn’t see that his hands were shaking.
“What’s up?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could muster, setting his empty beer bottle on the bar and signaling Mack for another.