With that I grabbed the tray and walked away, feeling my hands shake. Danielle waited for me by the bar, searching my face.
“You did it?”
“Yup.”
“Seriously? Right there in front of all of them?”
“Yup.”
“You okay?”
I considered the question. “No, I think I’m about to freak out.”
“Go back into the kitchen and sit in the walk-in,” she said quickly. “I’ll cover for you. Stay in there until you calm down.”
“Can you see him?”
“Puck?”
“Of course,” I hissed. “Is he looking at me? He didn’t say anything. None of them did.”
“Yes, he’s watching us,” she replied, eyes darting. “But he’s not getting up or coming over. He’s just drinking his beer and watching. The look on his face is kind of scary. Go sit in the walk-in. The cold air will make you feel better. No matter what happens, remember that I’m here. Blake, too. We’ve got your back.”
I nodded and ducked around the bar, slipping past Blake as I darted into the kitchen. Gordon—the short-order cook—had shut everything down hours ago, although the faint smell of fried food hung in the air. I opened the big cooler door, flipping on the light as I stepped inside. The door closed behind me, cutting out the sound of the bar, and I grabbed the little stool next to the wall shelf to sit on.
There’s something wonderful about a walk-in cooler.
It’s cold, of course. In a commercial kitchen that’s a very good thing, because it’s always hot when you’re working over a massive grill. In the summer it’s even hotter, which made the walk-in an oasis. Tonight it was my sanctuary, although I already felt the light sweat I’d built up in the bar chilling on my skin. The faint goose bumps grounded me. I inhaled deeply, savoring the silence.
I could do this. I could go out there and look at Puck and smile and serve him and his friends. I’d hold my head high while I did it, too—I didn’t have a choice. Callup was a small town and unless I decided to leave, I’d run into them.
Of course, I could leave Callup.
Like every other time I’d considered moving, my mind instantly rejected the idea. I loved Callup and I felt safe here—that hadn’t changed.
The cooler door opened.
“You okay?” Blake asked. “Anyone I need to kill?”
I smiled, because I knew he wasn’t entirely joking. He was the reason I needed to pull myself together and go back out there. Him and Danielle and Regina and Earl and everyone else who made up my world. So what if Puck hated me?
I’d been hated before.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I told him. He reached out and caught my hand, pulling me to my feet.
“Teresa’s asking where you are,” he told me. “I said you were grabbing fresh lemons.”
I glanced around, finding the clear plastic container of sliced lemons on the shelf and grabbing it. Blake smiled at me, his face reassuring.
Holding his hand, I walked back out into the bar.
EIGHT
PUCK
My hand gripped my pint glass so hard it was a miracle the damned thing didn’t break.
“Thank you for bringing me to Idaho and saving my life.”
Becca’s words kept running through my head. For a while last night—the first hour after she called me a rapist—I’d wanted to kill her. After all I’d done for her, all I’d given . . . Then I’d finally had her right where she needed to be and she pulled that shit on me.
Crazy bitch.
It worked, too, because deep down inside I still felt guilty as fuck about that night. I felt even guiltier because I’d spent the last five years trying to figure out ways to make it happen again. I’d watched her over in her apartment after our fight—close your goddamned shades, Becca—working away on her fucking sewing machine. There I was, my soul ripped right the fuck apart, and Becca was making some bullshit craft project.
That’s when I’d grabbed my keys and took my bike out along the river until I hit the highway. I’d stopped there, looking east toward Montana, wondering if I should just start riding in that direction. I could leave all of it behind. The club, Becca, everything. I’d take my bike and fly with the wind until life made sense again.
I didn’t, of course.
I still wasn’t sure why.
Becca walked by carrying a heavy tray, ass twitching in a way that cried out for a smack. Christ, but I still wanted to fuck her. She was serving those academy fucks, all crowded around two tables along the wall. The girls acted like self-centered little twats, playing at being grown-up. I saw one flipping Becca shit, which pissed me off.
This made no sense—I was still pissed at her myself, so why I would care about someone else treating her right I couldn’t imagine. I guess deep down inside there’d always be a part of me that considered her mine?
Fuck if I knew.
While the girls gave her crap and whined about their drinks, the boys were checking her out like she was a stripper working a pole. I half expected one to tuck a dollar bill into the front of her low-cut T-shirt.
Hmm . . . If that happened, I’d have to take the little cocksucker out. No help for it.
“Think you should handle things with Malloy,” Boonie said, startling me. “He wants to talk. Can’t make it too obvious.”
I glanced over at him. Deep had pulled Carlie into his lap, and was making a show of feeling her up. She eyed me, maybe wondering if it’d make me jealous? I ignored the look, because Deep had plans for her, even if she hadn’t figured it out yet.