Now that was surprising. “What’s changed?” I loved the idea of him not being in danger every day but I didn’t want him to give up something he loved because of me. I didn’t want him to look back on his life and regret being with me or feel resentful that he had to give up something in exchange for my happiness.
He huffed out a breath and started pacing again. “I changed. For most of my adult life, all I’ve ever been is a cop. That is the skin I was most comfortable in; that was the title I brandished around whenever I felt like I needed to justify who I was as a man. I was scared to lose that, to have to be something other than a police officer because that is all I’ve ever been. I was telling you to take a risk and yet I was refusing to take one of my own.”
I made a hum of agreement but said nothing as he continued to pace and talk.
“It started to occur to me recently that I’ve always been a lot of things that are more important and more impressive than being a cop. I’m a big brother. I’m a son. I’m a best friend. I’m a survivor.” He stopped directly in front of me and his eyes locked on mine. “I’m a boyfriend.”
I couldn’t hold back the grin that teased my lips. “A great boyfriend.”
He grinned back at me and it made my heart trip and my blood start to heat up. “I think I’ve been trying to play the role of a cop instead of actually being a cop since I’ve been back and you’re right, that is a recipe for disaster.”
“So what’s the plan, Dom?” I knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t be here practically jumping out of his skin if he didn’t already have something up his sleeve.
He lifted his hand and rubbed the pad of his thumb over the curve of his bottom lip. The action pulled my attention there and I wanted to replace his thumb with my teeth. “I’ve spent the last month with a rookie partner, a kid fresh out of the academy and while I may be slightly jaded and less enthusiastic about keeping the peace, this kid reminded me what it was like to be new, to have that drive and passion. He also reminded me what it was like to be a clueless kid trying to figure out how to make it home each day when the bad guys outnumber us and are better armed. I am starting thinking about another thing I’ve always been, something else that has always made me happy and fulfilled.” He stopped in front of me and put a hand on the center of my chest. “I’m a good teacher, Lando. I taught my sisters how to ride bikes, I taught them how to change the oil in their cars and most of my favorite memories of going through the academy myself are tied to helping Royal and the other cadets out.”
I reached out my own hand and put it on his hip. He was missing the heavy black belt that held all of his gear, so I wasn’t worried about putting my hands anywhere dangerous.
“I still want to be a cop. I want to be involved in the law and I want to make a difference. Eventually I want to work my way up to detective but the need to pound the pavement and tangle with the bad guys isn’t as strong as it was before I realized I had so many other things that defined the kind of man I am, a man that I know my dad would be proud of.”
I tipped my chin down in a slight nod. “He would be proud of you. I sure am. So if you aren’t on patrol but you stay on the force, what does that mean?”
He took a step closer and when he exhaled his chest brushed against mine. It made desire start to churn thick and slow all throughout my body.
“I mean I’m putting in to transfer to a position at the academy. I understand the hunger, the drive that new cops have and I think I can be more useful to my city fostering that and molding the new generations who will protect and serve than I will be running down drug dealers and arresting petty criminals. I’ve always wanted to make an impact. This allows me to do that.”
He closed the gap between us and kissed one corner of my mouth and then the other. It was a light touch, so soft and delicate that if I hadn’t been looking right at him I would have questioned whether it was real or not.
“It also lets me do something I love without having you look at me like your heart is breaking every time I walk out the door, because you are more than fear too, Orlando. We are worth taking risks and venturing into the unknown.”
If he hadn’t already stretched my heart out so that it was big enough for him to fit into, it might have burst at the sudden rush of emotion his words had surged through it.
“You know I’m going to kiss the shit out of you for that, right?” My voice was raspy and full of a thousand different emotions.
He chuckled as I moved forward to make good on my threat. “Be my guest. I like having the shit kissed out of me by you.”
I was going to kiss him.
I was going to hold on to him.
I was going to get my hands inside of his police blues and on his dick.
I was going to put my mouth all over him and then turn around and let him put his mouth all over me.
In the future, I was going to move in with him. I was going to marry him. I was going to have kids with him.
But right now I was going to love and be loved because Dom had taught me how when I forgot.
He was right, he was a good teacher … among many other things … all of them great … all of them mine.
Epilogue
Many months, first kisses, engagements, weddings and babies on down the line …
I’d had to invest in more than one pair of slacks and more than a handful of dress shirts over the last year. I refused to wear a tie still and I would die before putting on shoes that were shiny but Lando was okay with my dressed-down, dressed-up style and I hadn’t been kicked out of a wedding yet. In fact when spring rolled around the following year, I was walking my best friend down the aisle and handing her off to the southern charmer who had stolen her heart forever. I’ll only admit to a select few that there may have been a tear or five in my eyes when Royal asked me to do the honors. I told her of course I would do it, even if it meant I would have to wear a tux. It was an honor and I jokingly told her I could use the practice because both of my sisters were involved in pretty serious relationships and eventually it would fall on me to give them away.