I pulled away from him and buried my hands in my face. “Mad. I thought he would sound mad. If this is tied to those guys that were watching the house and me, then this is my fault. It’s always my fault.”
He growled a few ugly words at me and then crossed his arms over his chest as he glared.
“Did you start the fire, Avett?” His drawl was usually so silky and sexy; right now it was ragged and mean.
“Of course not. I’ve been with you all afternoon, and I know I didn’t leave anything on. I always check.”
“Exactly.” The word snapped out like a whip. It was so sharp I jerked my head back like it smacked right across my tearstained cheeks. “And even if you did leave something on, it would’ve been an accident, so still not your fault. If you think I can’t recognize someone actively searching for punishment, for a penance they think they have to pay, then you are sadly mistaken. I saw it in myself and sure as shit can see it in you, Avett. And I can tell you from firsthand experience that whatever it is you are trying to atone for doesn’t care how many shitty things you do to make yourself feel bad, and it also doesn’t care how those shitty things affect other people. In fact, it doesn’t care about you at all, because it’s still going to be there, existing in your rearview, and none of the crap you do to yourself is ever going to change the view. What you do now regardless of how good or bad it may be won’t change what you did then and that’s something you have to live with.” His eyes darkened and the gleaming gold dimmed. “That’s why I’m still climbing and may never reach the top. That’s a heavy weight to haul around.”
I wanted to tell him to get the hell away from me. I didn’t want his acceptance and comfort to soften the rawness and ravages of what I was feeling. I didn’t want him to see through me like I was made of glass. I didn’t want to hear from someone that knew exactly what I was doing, that it wouldn’t work. I had convinced myself over the years that if I hurt enough, disappointed enough, lost enough, my penance would indeed be paid, and I could eventually go back to living a life where I didn’t feel like I deserved every single bad thing that came my way.
I was going to snap that his lecture was unnecessary, that he had no idea what happened the night everything changed for me. He wasn’t around when I realized I was toxic. That night wasn’t just where my story started, but where it ended, too.
I never got the chance to say anything to Asa because at the same time my dad’s massive truck and another big truck, which looked pretty similar, roared to a stop right beyond the barricades the emergency crews had set up. I thought Rome Archer was going to climb out of the other pickup and couldn’t hold in a shocked gasp when it wasn’t the scarred soldier that appeared, but instead there was a beautiful blond man in a perfectly tailored suit. Quaid took a minute to strip his suit jacket off and slammed the door to the truck before stalking towards us in his very shiny, very lawyerly looking shoes. I would have preferred the guy in the jeans and boots for this particular situation considering the smoke and soot in the air, but honestly, I would take him any way I could get him.
My mom and dad got to me first. I was wrapped up in a big hug and almost started crying again when my mom also folded me in her arms and whispered, “I’m so glad you weren’t home. You scared both of us to death.”
I squeezed her then stepped away as Quaid joined our little party.
“Everyone all right? Does the fire chief have any information? Do we know if it was an accident or arson?” He fired the questions at no one in particular as we all gaped at him. He must have noticed that all of us were still shell-shocked at the idea of everything being gone and gentled his tone as he reached out and brushed his thumb over my cheek. “Sorry. I was in court and didn’t really have time to shift gears when I got the call. I’m still in cross-examination mode. Are you okay?”
I sighed and fought the urge to turn my face into his palm. “Yeah, other than the fact that everything I own, not that it was much, is now gone.”
My mom cleared her throat and snuggled into my dad’s side. He didn’t seem to notice because he was too busy glaring daggers at Quaid and the spot on my face where his fingers lingered. “I told your dad, on the way over, that you guys are coming to stay with me,” my mom said. “I’m taller than you, but I have enough stuff in my closet that you can borrow until we can start to replace your own things.”
Shit. I hadn’t even thought about that part of it. Where was I supposed to go now that the only place that had ever been home was gone?
Asa must have seen the panic in my eyes because he offered up, “You guys can come crash at the new house with me and Royal. We have the room and my lady isn’t just gorgeous, she is also armed. Might be nice to have a cop on hand if this is tied to you testifying against the junkie.”
My dad opened his mouth to refuse at the same time I opened mine to accept the offer. I didn’t know how Asa’s pretty girlfriend would feel about having me under her roof, but I would much rather be the bone of contention between the redhead and the southern charmer than the cause of unease and unrest at my mother’s home.
As it turned out the dark horse, or rather the blond horse in the expensive suit, also wanted in on the race. Quaid touched my elbow and, like it had in court, the tiny gesture stilled some of the panic and anxiety that was rampaging inside of me.
“You can come stay with me. If someone is watching you, they’ll never think to look for you at my place, and if this is tied to the case against the boyfriend, I can help navigate the legal waters you’re going to end up swimming in.” He waved at the house. “If this is arson, then it’s a clear threat, which is tampering with a witness, and obvious witness intimidation. The police need to be informed about what’s going on and how this could be tied to something so much bigger. I can help. I want to help you.”