“What do your parents think about you being back in school?”
“I think they’re still wondering whether I’ve really changed, or whether I’ll revert to being the guy I used to be.”
She smiled, liking that he said what he thought without worrying what she might think.
“I don’t know why, but it’s hard for me to imagine the other Colin, the one you used to be.”
“You wouldn’t have liked him much.”
“Probably not,” she said. “And he probably wouldn’t have stopped to change my tire, either.”
“Definitely not,” he agreed.
“What else should I know about the new Colin?” she asked, and her question gradually gave way to a meandering conversation about growing up in Raleigh and a bit more about his friendship with Evan and Lily. He told her about his parents and his older sisters, and what it had been like to grow up under the care of various nannies. He talked about the early fights he’d been in, the schools he’d attended, and offered more details about the years following high school, although he admitted that they’d largely blurred together. He talked about MMA, and when pressed, he recounted a few of his fights, including the most recent one with the marine, which had left him bruised and bloody. While many of the stories he told her underscored the rough edges of his past, they were of a piece with what she already knew.
As they talked, the tide began to roll in, propelling them forward side by side. The sun gradually bowed toward the horizon, the water beginning to gleam like old pennies. The thin cloud cover softened the glare and began to change colors – pinks and oranges and magentas.
“Would you like to check out the beach?” she finally asked. He nodded, and as they began paddling toward shore, Maria spotted the sleek, dark backs of three porpoises slowly approaching. They arced through the water, and when she pointed them out, Colin broke into a boyish grin. In unspoken agreement, they stopped paddling, allowing their boards to drift. To her surprise, the porpoises altered their course, gliding directly toward them. On instinct, Maria reached for the camera and began to snap photos, adjusting the framing with every shot. By some miracle, she captured an image of all three of the porpoises breaching the surface before they paraded past in single file, close enough to touch, their blowholes spraying water. Maria turned, watching them retreat toward the inlet and the ocean beyond, wondering what had brought them to this place in this exact moment.
When they finally vanished from sight, she noticed that Colin had been staring at her. He smiled, and on instinct, she raised the camera and snapped his picture, suddenly recalling the flash of vulnerability he’d shown a few minutes earlier. Despite the outward confidence he exuded, she understood that like her, Colin simply wanted to be accepted; in his own way, he was just as lonely as she was. The realization made her ache, and it suddenly felt like they were the only two people in the world. In this silent, intimate moment, she knew that she wanted to spend more afternoons with him just like this one, an ordinary afternoon that somehow felt magical.
CHAPTER 7
Colin
On the beach, Colin sat on a towel with Maria beside him, trying to ignore the way she looked in the black bikini that had been hidden beneath her clothing. Yesterday he’d viewed her as an intriguing stranger; while paddleboarding today, he’d come to view her as a friend; but now, he wasn’t sure what might come next. All he really knew was that the black bikini was making it difficult to keep his thoughts straight. Maria, he decided, was beyond pretty, planted firmly in the stunning range, and although Colin sensed that something had changed between them over the course of the day, he couldn’t quite put a name to it.
He didn’t have much experience with women like Maria. Instead of college degrees and close-knit families, the women he’d dated tended to have numerous piercings and tattoos, angry façades¸ and serious daddy issues. They expected to be treated poorly, and he’d generally obliged. The mutual lack of expectation made for something resembling comfort when they hung out together. Damaged comfort for sure, but misery loves company. Only a couple of them had lasted as long as three months, but unlike Evan, having one special person in his life had never held much interest for Colin. He wasn’t wired that way. He liked the freedom that came with being single, without having to answer to someone else. It was hard enough to keep his own life straight, let alone trying to meet someone else’s expectations.
Or at least that was what he’d always believed, but now, as he surreptitiously admired Maria, he wondered whether he’d simply been making excuses. Whether maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t cared about being in a relationship because he’d never given it an honest shot, or because he hadn’t met the right person. He knew he was getting ahead of himself, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he wanted to spend more time with her. Why she was still single was beyond him. He reminded himself that there wasn’t a chance she’d be interested in a guy like him.
And yet…
In the hospital, he’d spent a lot of time in group therapy, where trying to figure out what made others tick was part and parcel of the exercise itself. Understanding others meant understanding yourself – and vice versa – and he’d long ago become attuned to body language and vocal cues people displayed as they shared their fears and flaws and regrets. And while he couldn’t precisely read Maria, he suspected she was just as confused about what was happening as he was. Which made sense. Although he was doing okay now, she had to realize that the old Colin would always be part of him. That would be a concern for anyone; hell, he was concerned about it, too. While his explosive anger was dormant at the present time, it was like a hibernating bear, and he knew he had to structure his life a certain way to keep spring from arriving so the bear would stay asleep. Train hard to keep his anger in check; indulge in the occasional MMA match to purge his aggression. Study hard and work long hours to fill his schedule and keep him from visiting the wrong places. Stay away from drugs and limit alcohol. Spend time with Evan and Lily, who not only were model citizens, but were always there to lend support and keep him out of harm’s way.