“Is this because she needs to practice? She’s one of the trees and she showed me what she’s supposed to do. I’m sure if she’s here next week, she’ll have more than enough time to master it.”
“You’re missing the point.” Ms. Hamshaw’s mouth was a thin line. “I have rules for the studio because parents and students will always find a reason not to come to class. Someone is sick or a grandparent is visiting or there’s too much homework. I’ve heard every excuse imaginable over the years, but I can’t foster a culture of excellence unless everyone shows commitment.”
“London’s not participating in any competitions,” I reasoned. “She hasn’t been chosen to do so.”
“Then perhaps she should practice more, not less.”
I squelched the urge to let Ms. Hamshaw know what I thought of her ridiculous little quasi-military operation, and instead said patiently, “What do you suggest that I do? Since her doctor told us to limit her activity?”
“She can come to class and sit in the corner and watch.”
“Right now her head hurts and she’s exhausted. And on Friday, she’ll just be bored if she sits and watches.”
“Then she can look forward to the Christmas show.”
“Where she’ll be a tree again? Or maybe an ornament?”
Ms. Hamshaw straightened, her nostrils flaring. “There are other dancers in her class who demonstrate much greater commitment.”
“This is ridiculous,” I blurted out.
“That’s what people generally say when they don’t like the rules.”
I brought London home and we ate the leftover Chinese food. Vivian called, and by the time the FaceTime session had ended, London could barely keep her eyes open.
I made the executive decision to skip her bath and got her into her pajamas. I read a short book to her in bed and she was asleep moments after I turned out the light. Descending the stairs, I told myself that I should use the rest of the evening to get some work done, but I simply wasn’t in the mood.
Instead, I called Emily.
“Hey there,” she said as soon as she answered. “How are things?”
“Not too bad, I guess.”
“How’s London? Bodhi said she got to be the teacher’s helper, so she must be recuperating nicely.”
“Yeah, she was pretty excited about that,” I said. “And she’s fine, really – just a little tired. What did you end up doing today?’
“Worked on one of the paintings for my show. I think I’m getting closer, but I’m just guessing. I could probably work on this one forever and never think it’s done.”
“I want to see it.”
“Anytime,” she said. “Thankfully, the other paintings I’ve started are going well. So far, anyway.” She smiled. “How are you holding up? I can’t imagine how scared you must have been. I’d probably still be traumatized.”
“It was pretty bad,” I admitted. “And tonight wasn’t so relaxing.”
“What happened?”
I replayed my conversation with Ms. Hamshaw.
“So she can’t do the recital?” Emily asked when I finished.
“I don’t think she was all that excited about it anyway,” I said. “I just wish Vivian weren’t so hell-bent on having her go there. I don’t think London enjoys it at all.”
“Then let her quit.”
“I don’t want another reason to argue with Vivian. And I don’t want London in the middle of it.”
“Did you ever think that by continually appeasing Vivian, you’re just adding fuel to the fire?”
“How do you mean?”
“If you give in every time Vivian gets angry, then she knows that all she has to do is be angry to get what she wants. I mean, so what if she gets angry? What’s she going to do?”
She didn’t add the question, Divorce you? but the obvious truth of her observation startled me. Was that the reason things had started going downhill in the first place? Because I’d never stood up to Vivian? Because I wanted to avoid conflict? What had Marge once said to me?
Your real problem is that you’re too damn nice for your own good.
At my silence, Emily went on.
“I don’t know if what I said has any bearing. I could be wrong. And I’m not saying this because I want the two of you to argue. I’m just saying that you’re London’s father, and you have just as much right as Vivian when it comes to making decisions as to what is best for London. Lately, you have even more rights than she does, since you’re the one who’s taking care of her. You’re the primary parent these days, not her, but you still seem to trust Vivian’s judgment more than your own. To me, London seems like a very happy little girl, so it’s clear you’ve been doing something right.”
“So… what do you think I should do?” I asked, trying to digest what she’d said.
“Why don’t you talk to London and ask her what she wants to do? And then just trust your instincts.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Other people’s problems are always easier to solve. Haven’t you learned that yet?” She laughed, a sound at once reassuring and refreshing.
“I have to say, sometimes you remind me a lot of Marge.”
“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
“It is.”
Emily and I chatted for another hour, and as always, after speaking with her, I felt better. More grounded. More like myself again, and it was enough to spur me to spend an hour on the computer, getting a jump on the next day’s work.