He’s hurting. Because of me.
“You…left,” he whispers.
And the ache of his words only intensifies, like the blade in my chest is being twisted.
“Jesse”—I step closer to him—“you have to know that I didn’t want to leave. I would have done anything to stay with you. Anything.”
His eyes flash to mine. “But you didn’t though, did you, Daisy? You stole from that place, knowing what the consequences would be. Or did you just not care? Or were you that arrogant that you thought you wouldn’t get caught?”
He still thinks I’m guilty. Even now. Even though I told him in person that I was innocent, he still doesn’t believe me.
I can’t express the torment I feel at that.
I wrap my arms over my chest. My words come quietly. “You know me, Jesse. I’m not a thief. Deep down inside of you, you know I didn’t steal that jewelry. You know I would never have done something like that.”
Not meeting my eyes, he lets out a scoffing sound. It reignites something inside me.
“You can fool yourself into believing it’s the truth—that I’m this thief who never cared about you—because you think it justifies your anger and your current behavior. But you know it’s not the truth. You know that I would never have done anything to risk losing you.”
His eyes come to mine. I can’t get a read on them.
“Why should I believe you?” His voice is still toneless.
“Because I’ve never given you a reason not to believe me. I was there, Jesse…through everything. I never walked away. The only reason I left was because I was taken away without a choice. But I’m back now. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave. I’ll never let anyone take me away again. But you have to let me in. Please.”
Sighing, he looks away and runs a hand through his hair. When he brings his eyes back to me, I see the hardness in them has softened.
“Why didn’t you let me come see you in prison?” he asks in a low voice.
I’m transported back years. He sounds just like the boy I remember.
My heart breaks in this moment. I can’t stop the tears that fill my eyes.
Biting my lip, I brush the tears away with my fingers. “Because I didn’t want you coming to that place…seeing me like that. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t think about you every day. The thought of you was the only thing that got me through those eighteen months.”
I reach out a hand to touch him but pull it back, unsure of if he wants me to touch him.
His eyes are on the ground. He exhales a tired-sounding breath. “I have to go,” he says softly, toeing the concrete with his shoe.
“Can I walk you home?”
He shakes his head, eyes still on the ground. “But…you can call me later, if you want?”
My heart soars, and I can’t help the smile that spreads on my face. “I’d love that.”
Jesse lifts his eyes to mine. He brushes his overgrown hair out of them. “Cool. Well, I guess we’ll talk later then.”
“Definitely.”
I watch Jesse walk away with a hope in my heart that I haven’t dared allow myself to feel in a very long time.
Nineteen
Feeling happier than I have in forever, I hum along to the song that’s been stuck in my head all morning—Gnash’s “I Hate You, I Love You.”
I’m happy because I called Jesse last night, and we talked for ages.
We’re not fixed, not by a long shot, but we’re talking, and that’s more than I had this time yesterday.
Jesse said he’d call me tonight after he got done cleaning the windows at the mini-mart. I’m hoping he’ll let me see him this weekend, but I’m not getting my hopes up too much. I’m just happy that I have this contact with him.
I’m currently on my way to Kas’s office. I have a coffee in one hand and a bag of muffins in the other, which I got from the bakery just by the station. I don’t actually know if Kas likes muffins, but I just want to thank him for yesterday. What says thank-you better than spongy goodness?
I’m choosing to forget about the fact that we almost kissed after our horse ride, and I’m also choosing to forget his reaction…the disgust.
I feel a sting of hurt in my chest.
Okay, so, clearly, I haven’t forgotten entirely. But he helped me so much yesterday. Dropped everything to take me to Jesse. Let me have the afternoon off work.
So what if he thinks I’m not good enough to kiss, that I’m beneath him or whatever?
It doesn’t matter. He helped me get to Jesse, and that’s all I care about.
And it’s a good thing that we didn’t kiss. A kiss would have made things messy and possibly put my job at risk.
I need this job. Now more than ever.
Reaching Kas’s office, I knock on the door.
No answer.
I wonder where he is. He’s nowhere else in the house that I know of. Maybe he’s out running.
Should I go look for him, so I can give them to him? Or I could just put them in his office.
Yeah, I’ll put them in his office. That’ll be a nice surprise for him.
Decision made, I push down on the handle of the door and let myself inside.
His office is pristine, as always. I hardly ever get to clean in here because he doesn’t let me, so I can’t take credit for the cleanliness.
I walk over to his desk and put the bag of muffins and coffee down on it.
I grab his Post-it notes and pen.
KAS,
THANK YOU FOR YESTERDAY.
DAISY