"Until then, we'll need to make sure he's covered," Shay said. "Marcus is strong, but he has a tendency to hesitate. What should we do about that?"
Before tonight, Bonnie hadn't quite understood what it meant that Zander was the Alpha. The Pack had mourned Chad tonight, first as wolves and then, as the moon set, as people. There had been howling and, later, speeches and tears, remembering their friend. And throughout, Zander had taken charge, guiding his friends and supporting them through their grief.
And now, the night over, he and Shay were strategizing the best ways to keep their Pack safe in the future. They were always focused on the good of their Pack.
Bonnie now understood exactly why the High Wolf Council had chosen an Alpha female for Zander when they were younger, not just as a mate, but as a partner.
Bonnie turned as Zander stood up. "Okay," he said, rubbing his eyes. "Let's call it a night. We'll get the guys together this afternoon, see how they're doing."
"I'll head back and call you in a few hours when I'm up," Shay said, getting to her feet. They hugged and she clung to him for a minute. Separating from Zander, she gave Bonnie a stiff nod. "Later, Bonnie," she said coolly.
As the door closed behind Shay, Zander stretched out his arms to Bonnie. "Hey there," he said, and gave her his long, slow smile. Even paired with the pain in his eyes, that smile was devastating, and Bonnie went to him, twining her arms around him.
But even as she held him close, it didn't feel quite right. Zander must have sensed a stiffness in her because he pulled back, his wide, blue eyes searching hers. "What's up?" he said softly. "Are you okay? I know things are really hard."
Bonnie's eyes stung, and she had to let go of Zander with one hand so that she could wipe at them. It was just like Zander: his friend was dead, he'd spent the night comforting and protecting his Pack, and now he was worried about how Bonnie was doing?
"I'm fine," she said. "Just tired."
Zander caught her hand. "Hey," he said. "Seriously, what is it? Tell me."
Bonnie sighed. "I love you, Zander," she said slowly, and stopped.
Zander's eyes narrowed and he half frowned. "Why does that sound like there's a but at the end?" he asked.
"I love you, but I'm not sure that I'm good for you," Bonnie said miserably. "I see you and Shay together . . . taking care of each other, fighting side by side, looking out for the Pack together, and I can't do that. Maybe the High Wolf Council is right about what you need."
"The High Wolf . . . Bonnie, what do they have to do with this? They don't decide what I want," Zander said, his voice rising.
"I can't be that for you, Zander," Bonnie said. "I don't know. Maybe we both need some time to figure out what the future holds. What's best for us. Even if it's not . . ." Her voice broke, and she swallowed hard before continuing. "Even if it's not being together." She was looking down at her clutched hands, twisting them, unable to look Zander in the eye. "I do love you," she said desperately. "But maybe that's not all that matters."
"Bonnie," Zander said reasonably, stepping between her and the door. "This is ridiculous. We can figure this all out."
"I hope so," Bonnie said. "But for right now, I know I'm not the one you need by your side." She was trying to sound reasonable, but she heard her voice crack as she spoke.
Zander grunted a denial and reached out for Bonnie again, but she ducked away. She had to leave his room before she lost her nerve. She was sure that this was the right thing, the best thing - Zander had responsibilities, he needed someone who could understand them and be a true partner for him - but if she didn't leave right now, she was going to fall flat on the floor and wrap her arms around his legs, begging him not to let her go.
"Bonnie," Zander said as she pushed by him. "Stay." She kept moving toward the door without answering. After a moment of silence, she heard Zander sit heavily on the bed.
Bonnie tried not to look back, but she couldn't help sneaking a glance at Zander as she closed the door behind her. He was hunched over, miserable, as if he was protecting himself from a blow. Maybe she was doing the right thing, or maybe she just ruined the best thing that had ever happened to her. She just didn't know.
Chapter 23
Stupid Guardians, Elena thought, hurrying away from the gym. If they want something from me, why can't they just tell me? She and Meredith had been sparring before Meredith's morning class and now she was in a rush to get back home. Being alone on campus made her nervous, and she wasn't sure if it was paranoia, but something felt close to Elena. Too close.
The Guardians were game players; that was all there was to it. Not straightforward, not honest. Nothing like me, she told herself fiercely. Not anymore, not for a long time. Andres certainly wasn't like them, anyway, which was a reassuring fact.
She caught a glimpse of a figure out of the corner of her eye, just the barest impression of movement. All across campus she'd had the creeping sensation of being watched. Someone was following her.
Elena whipped around, but where she had been sure she'd seen another person, there was no one.
The back of her neck prickled, and she hunched her shoulders unhappily. Was Klaus out there? She tried to sense him, but felt nothing. She couldn't see an aura anywhere.
She pulled out her phone and tried to call Stefan. She didn't want to take her chances, and she would feel much safer if she weren't alone. Where was everyone? It was the middle of the morning - although the campus had gotten emptier and emptier as the students got more nervous and classes were canceled, there should have been someone else somewhere around.