Caroline’s eyes were shining, and she gripped her plastic scepter as if it were made of pure gold. Elena leaned forward and hugged Matt.
And then, behind Matt, she finally saw Stefan. With a satisfying sense of something slotting into place at last, her eyes locked with his. This, she thought, all this time, I’ve been waiting for this.
They were in a crowd of people, and his eyes were only on her. Just for now, couldn’t she at least pretend he was hers?
15
Stefan looked perfect. Under the dim auditorium lights, Stefan seemed so poised and handsome, his black blazer somehow better cut, more sophisticated than the other boys’. Elena couldn’t make out the color of his eyes, not from this far away, but she knew how green they were, and how, with his sunglasses finally stripped away, they must be broadcasting every emotion he felt.
Elena’s chest tightened as raw longing shot through her. She suddenly felt like she was suffocating, the noise and heat of people pressing in around her. She sucked in a desperate gasp of air.
Stefan’s eyes were fixed on hers as he began to make his way toward her through the crowd. Elena’s heart fluttered in her chest. No. She wasn’t even allowed to pretend. The connection between her and Stefan could kill them both.
“I have to go,” she muttered, and let go of Matt.
“Elena?” Matt called, but she was already turning on her heel and walking away, as fast as she could without actually running. Stay calm, she ordered herself, but she was panting, unable to catch her breath. She hit the swinging door hard and found herself out in the brightly lit, almost empty halls of the school.
Elena leaned against the cool metal of the row of lockers across from the door of the auditorium, and closed her eyes for a moment.
She was never going to have Stefan again. All those years together, all they’d been through, and she couldn’t even talk to him. All their history, wiped out. If she succeeded, it would never happen.
“Elena?” She knew that voice. Her eyes snapped open.
Stefan stood in front of her, his face soft with concern. “I heard what Caroline said to you,” he said. “Are you all right?”
Elena couldn’t help laughing, a short, almost-sob of a laugh. “You think I’m upset about Caroline?” she asked. It was so far-off it was as if Stefan didn’t know her at all. Well, he doesn’t, not now, she thought, and the thought cut off her laugh. Sobering, she snapped, “Whatever she thinks, I don’t want anything Caroline has.”
Stefan touched her cheek, gently drawing her gaze back to his, and a spark of electricity flew beneath Elena’s skin at his touch. “I know that,” he said. “I know you don’t care about all this. Popularity. Dances. I’ve watched you, Elena, and I can tell you’re not thinking about those things. But I also know that you’re sad.”
“Oh.” Tears stung the backs of Elena’s eyes, and she squeezed them tightly closed again, shaking her head. “Caroline’s wrong about—well, almost everything. But, even if I don’t want to be queen or date Matt, it’s true that I can’t have everything I want. And that hurts.”
“Maybe …” Stefan began, but his voice trailed off as Elena shook her head again, her mouth tight. She’d tried having everything, having both of the vampires she loved, more than once. It had taken her years to learn that trying to have both Damon and Stefan led to nothing but misery for all of them. She couldn’t start down that road again, no matter how much she wanted to.
Stefan’s oak-leaf green eyes were warm with sympathy, and his voice was soft. “I understand, Elena. I can’t have the thing I want most either.”
Elena couldn’t help it. She leaned into his body, just a little, and Stefan’s arms circled around her. Elena pressed her face against his shoulder. It was Stefan, Stefan who she’d missed so much.
Stefan let her cry, holding her while she shook for a few moments. Swallowing hard, Elena straightened up, her face back under control. Stefan’s arms were still around her, as if he didn’t want to let go.
“Sorry,” she said, sniffing. “You must think I’m a lunatic.”
“Not at all,” Stefan said. He stroked her back gently, and Elena arched into his touch. “Shall we dance?”
“What?” Elena blinked in surprise. Music was streaming softly through the closed door from the auditorium. Stefan slowly lifted Elena’s arms and twined them around his neck, then wrapped his own arms around her waist.
“We can’t have what we want,” he said with a note of longing in his voice. “But we could dance, just for now. It is a dance, after all.”
They began to sway in time to the music, and Elena leaned her head against the delicate fabric of Stefan’s blazer. His strong hands were holding her so tenderly, and she knew that he was looking down at her with painful, aching love shining through his face, now that he knew she couldn’t see him.
Stefan was drawn to her, had wanted and needed her from the very beginning. This was one thing Elena knew, one thing that had always been true between them. But he would let her go without a word, for her own good. To keep Elena safe.
Elena was swept up in a great wave of emotion, of love and pity and passion, all mixed together. This was Stefan. How could she turn away from him, even for Damon?
Winding her arms around Stefan’s neck, his soft brown curls brushing against her fingers, Elena pulled back a little and looked up into his face. His eyes were dilated with passion, the black expanding across the green.