At the same time, I was hurting them more by staying human. Putting Charlie in constant danger through my proximity. Putting Jake in worse danger still by drawing his enemies across the land he felt bound to protect. And Renee - I couldn't even risk a visit to see my own mother for fear of bringing my deadly problems along with me!
I was a danger magnet; I'd accepted that about myself.
Accepting this, I knew I needed to be able to take care of myself and protect the ones I loved, even if that meant that I couldn't be with them. I needed to be strong.
"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," Edward said, still talking through his gritted teeth, but looking at Carlisle now, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."
"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle pointed out.
I thought about Charlie's reaction when he woke up this morning, if - after all that life had put him through in the last week with Harry's loss, and then I had put him through with my unexplained disappearance - he were to find my bed empty. Charlie deserved better than that. It was just a little more time; graduation wasn't so far away...
I pursed my lips. "I'll consider it."
Edward relaxed. His jaw unclenched.
"I should probably take you home," he said, more calm now, but clearly in a hurry to get me out of here. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early."
I looked at Carlisle. "After graduation?"
"You have my word."
I took a deep breath, smiled, and turned back to Edward. "Okay. You can take me home."
Edward rushed me out of the house before Carlisle could promise me anything else. He took me out the back, so I didn't get to see what was broken in the living room.
It was a quiet trip home. I was feeling triumphant, and a little smug. Scared stiff, too, of course, but I tried not to think about that part. It did me no good to worry about the pain - the physical or the emotional - so I wouldn't. Not until I absolutely had to.
When we got to my house, Edward didn't pause. He dashed up the wall and through my window in half a second. Then he pulled my arms frcm around his neck and set me on the bed.
I thought I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking, but his expression surprised me. Instead of furious, it was calculating. He paced silently back and forth across my dark room while I watched with growing suspicion.
"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," I told him.
"Shh. I'm thinking."
"Ugh," I groaned, throwing myself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over my head.
There was no sound, but suddenly he was there. He flipped the cover back so he could see me. He was
lying next to me. His hand reached up to brush my hair from my cheek.
"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now... tell me something."
"What?" I asked, unwilling.
"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"
I could feel the skepticism in my eyes. "You."
He shook his head impatiently. "Something you don't already have."
I wasn't sure where he was trying to lead me, so I thought carefully before I answered. I came up with something that was both true, and also probably impossible.
"I would want... Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me."
I watched his reaction warily, expecting more of the fury I'd seen at his house. I was surprised that his expression didn't change. It was still calculating, thoughtful.
"What would you be willing to trade for that?"
I couldn't believe my ears. I gawked at his composed face and blurted out the answer before I could think about it.
"Anything."
He smiled faintly, and then pursed his lips. "Five years?"
My face twisted into an expression somewhere between chagrin and horror.
"You said anything," he reminded me.
"Yes, but... you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human - for me, at least. So, anything but that."
He frowned. "Three years?"
"No!"
"Isn't it worth anyrhing to you at all? "
I thought about how much I wanted this. Better to keep a poker face, I decided, and not let him know how very much that was. It would give me more leverage. "Six months?"
He rolled his eyes. "Not good enough."
"One year, then," I said. "That's my limit."
"At least give me two."
"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."
He thought for a minute. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one - then you'll just have
to meet one condition."
"Condition?" My voice went flat. "What condition?"
His eyes were cautious - he spoke slowly. "Marry me first."
I stared at him, waiting... "Okay. What's the punch line?"
He sighed. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."
"Edward, please be serious."
"I am one hundred percent serious." He gazed at me with no hint of humor in his face.
"Oh, c'mon," I said, an edge of hysteria in my voice. "I'm only eighteen."
"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."
I looked away, out the dark window, trying to control the panic before it gave me away.